8 Questions to Ask Before You Take on a New Task

All of us have to decide whether to take on more work, a new job, more responsibilities. In this Time Management UPGRADE by Dawn Wilson, we'll just call it a "new task."

Women are expected to be good multi-taskers, but we have to know our limits. And we can't compare our limits with others' limits!

Sometimes new tasks are blessings in disguise, and I'm glad I said "yes." Other times, new tasks take me over the top and I ask, "Why, oh why, did I agree to this?"

I used to struggle when I had to decide whether to take on a new task. Whenever I was faced with this kind of decision, I immediately thought:

• Will this get overwhelming?
  
• What does God think about this?
• What would Bob (my husband) say?
• Will this crowd out things I already think are important?
• Would someone else have more time or be better equipped?
• Would this be an opportunity I can't afford to miss—something I'd regret if I said "no"?
  

Every time I asked those questions, I had to ramp down strong emotions connected with them.

It's just the way I am. I tend to start hyperventilating—long childhood story I'll skip here—but the bottom line is, I don't want to be overwhelmed with responsibilities.

But actually, those immediate questions I had can be helpful if I'm driven to examine them before the Lord and with godly counsel from others. And I have to keep in mind: we're all different.  

We have different personalities and skill sets, and we tend to handle work loads in different ways.

What God asks/allows Suzy-Q to do may be totally different from what He asks/allows me to do. What might be a headache for her might be a total joy for me. Or vice versa!

Most of us are content with Plan A until Plan B comes along. Then we wonder if we should move to Plan B. Or choose Plan C — or a fresh combination of A and B.

So how do we determine whether to take on a new task?

I think there are some important questions to ask:

1. Have you seriously prayed about the new task?

James 1:5 says we can ask for direction from God. He delights in giving us His wisdom.

It helps to spread the matter before the Lord. We seek Him not only because we want His will and He knows what is best for us, but also because we need to hear ourselves "discussing" the task with Him. Sometimes when we "talk through" the issue, we hear the answer!

It also helps to lay out the pros and cons before the Lord. That doesn't mean He won't lead you to say "yes" even if there are some cons, but you need to see both sides clearly.

2. What do you think God is saying?

Is there any scriptural counsel? Is there something you need to study out before making the decision?

Proverbs 2:6 says, "For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding" God's Word can give fresh insights.

Once when I wasn't sure about a choice, I ended up studying the topic of "time management." Another time, I studied "patience."

3. How does this new task fit in with your roles in life?

What are your God-given roles? Are you a wife? Mom? Are you single? Each of these roles have built-in limitations ... and wonderful opportunities.

And what are your functional responsibilities? These will differ from woman to woman:  employee, employer, homemaker, caretaking daughter, older woman providing child care, Bible study leader, writer/speaker, etc.

4. If married, what is is your spouse's input about this new task?

How does your spouse think this new task will impact your home? If your partner is a Christ-follower, ask for prayer and specific input. If your partner isn't a believer, ask and listen anyway. Sometimes God gives unbelievers practical wisdom, especially the husband who takes his leadership seriously.

Note: If you are unmarried and/or work in an office, can you seek an employer's, co-worker's or friend's counsel?

5. How does this new task align with your personal goals?

Does it get you closer to your goals or further away? Do you need to step outside your comfort zone? Is there a new skill set you need to learn that might make this otherwise "iffy" task more attractive?

If not, are you willing to work for the required time in a task that has no other purpose than income? (But income might be an important issue!)

6. How does this fit into your priorities for the home?

Your home is important for many purposes: relationships, hospitality, ministry, as a practical picture of God or His provision to others, etc. Will this new task help with that?

Note: If you're working outside the home, how does the new task fit into the original job you were hired to do?

7. Do you need to let something else go in order to begin this task?

Would it be possible to delegate some things to create space for the new task?

8. Would you be able to keep your life in balance after taking on this task?

The quickest way to burnout is a life out of balance.

Think about a "task" decision you need to make and apply these questions. Seek wisdom for your choices with the goal of honoring God in all things (1 Corinthians 10:31; Romans 11:36), and ask clarifying questions.

Which of these questions helps you most in deciding whether to take on a new task?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic Adapted, Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

How to Earn the Right to Share Your Story

Maria Keckler is a natural coach. She offers keen counsel to help build bridges in ministry, leadership and personal relationships—an UPGRADE of great importance!

“Empathy,” Maria says, “is the ability to stand in our audience’s shoes, see through their eyes, think through their perspective, and feel with their hearts.”

Have you ever seen an empathetic person in action? I (Dawn) have. She was selfless and genuinely concerned, fully engaged—heart and mind. She listened until she understood! “What a gift,” I thought.

Maria continues ...

Jesus is empathy personified. God wrapped himself in flesh and walked the earth as a man and can forever say,

“I know what it’s like to be you. I know how it feels to be tempted, to lose someone you love, to endure rejection and physical pain.”

And isn’t that why you listen to Jesus—to His story? You know He cares about you because He knows what it’s like to be you.

Empathetic Listening Unlocks the Heart

I’ll never forget a time my husband was facilitating a group listening activity in which participants were asked to pair up. The “listener” was instructed to ask personal questions in order to better understand what his or her communication partner cared deeply about. The “listener” had to be attentive and couldn’t interrupt until the person sharing was completely finished.

Half way through the activity, a woman excused herself and walked out of the room. Later, she shared privately that it was out of character for her to be so emotional—especially in public—but it was the first time in her adult life she felt truly heard.

Empathetic listening is a gift and a choice, but one of the most neglected practices today.

When we are:

• Listening in order to have a chance to respond ...
• Listening to quickly insert our own story ... 
• Listening to find a “sin” we can address with a Bible story ...
• Listening with contempt ... 

... these forms of listening are NOT empathetic listening and will get in the way when we finally get the chance to share our story.

Earning an Invitation to Share

My friend Diane Szuch earns the right to share her story with women whose joy has been stolen and heart has been broken at the feet of sexual abuse, because she first listens to them with extraordinary empathy—and so can you.

What does empathetic listening look like?

The traditional Chinese symbol for listening gives us the clues to empathetic listening. It contains the characters for ears, eyes, attention (mind), heart, and king. In other words, we are to listen fully engaged as in the presence of the king.

In practical terms…

1. Be fully present. Put away the phone.
2. Listen with your eyes. Make eye contact, but don’t be creepy about it. Natural eye contact is not a staring contest.
3. Listen with your body. Lean in, nod and affirm.
4. Listen with your heart. Withhold judgment.
5. Convey empathy. Offer neutral but authentic acknowledgement remarks to indicate you are present. (Really! Wow! Mmm ... Oh my!)
6. Embrace silence. Silence can be one of the most powerful elements of a conversation, opening doors to vulnerability and intimacy.

There are many times we are ready and eager to share our story, but the right opportunity never seems to come.  But you can turn things around today!

How can listening more—and more empathically—help you build a bridge to the hearts of those God has put in your path? 

Maria Keckler has been coaching married couples (with her husband) for more than 15 years. They’re teaching leaders at Shadow Mountain Community Church. Maria is an executive coach, corporate trainer, and the author of Bridge-Builders: How Superb Communicators Get What They Want in Business and in Life. She invites readers to follow her blog and purchase her book.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Are You Flirting with Burnout or Action Addiction?

Joan Webb encourages women to breathe. She knows the stress our constant struggle for perfection can do to harm us, as she notes in this Attitude UPGRADE.

“Have you dreamed of slowing down,” Joan says, “but keep hearing your internal-bully whisper, ‘There’s no stinkin’ way you can do that!’”

      

Oh my. Joan, you’ve nailed one of my (Dawn’s) personal struggles. And you are pointing us to our true source of help.

Joan continues …

Perhaps you’re one of many in service-related careers or ministries who are on the fast track to burnout.

Just in case you wondering, here’s a good definition of burnout. 

Burnout is the type of stress and emotional fatigue that occurs when a series of (or combination of) events in a relationship, mission, way of life or job fail to produce an expected result.

Awareness is an important step in changing this self-defeating lifestyle of overworking, overdoing, over-helping and over-committing.

The following questionnaire can help you identify your need:

• Do you have a difficult time relaxing?
• Are you crankier than you used to be–even though you try hard to keep it to yourself?
• Do you rush from one project to another?
• Are you tired on an ongoing basis?
• Do you feel increasingly depressed, anxious or hopeless?
• Are you increasingly angry and don’t know why?
• Do you spend less time with friends and family or in doing what you previously enjoyed?
• Do you work hard and long, but accomplish less?
• Is life (and/or your ministry) becoming a drag?

If you answered “yes” to several of these, you may be headed in the opposite direction of real life.

I know the prospect of changing is frightening and overwhelming, yet there is a way. Really.

The Bible says, “He [God] gives strength to the weary … those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:29, 31).

I felt positive that my commitment to hard work would bring me what I desired and was flabbergasted when I ran out of energy, enthusiasm and faith. Disillusioned, I asked: “Is there any hope for renewal?”

“Yes, Joan! Assured my loving Creator. “Though you stumble, you’ll one day soar on wings like an eagle, run and not grow weary, walk and not faith. Trust Me. I’ll renew your lost strength.”

I didn’t feel it or foresee it. I didn’t even have the strength to believe it, but since I couldn’t do it anymore, I stopped trying and left my stuff with God.

Miraculously, when I stopped striving, God took over.

There is HOPE … in the Lord.

(1) Admit your need.

(2) Ask God for guidance and insight.

(3) Seek help and resources.

(4) Take active steps to reshape your thoughts and behavior.

Then show someone you love (preferably a healthy, supportive person!) your responses to the questionnaire, above. Get honest, and then don’t back down.

God honors truth-telling, even if that truth—the reality facing you—feels negative.

There is life on the other side of burnout!

What do you do, where do you go—who do you seek—when you’re experiencing burnout? Have you sought the Lord, the source of hope?

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan's website.

Note: Part of this post is an excerpt from It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, p. 24.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Blessing of Routines

Most vacations are over and it's time to return to routines. Back to school. Back to work. In this UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson encourages us with this one thought: Routines don't have to be boring!

Routines are basically big life "habits." Most adults are in a habit of going to work, 9-5, Monday through Friday, to earn some income to pay our bills. (Hopefully, those out of work are in a habit of going to the unemployment office to seek work.) Our children are in a habit of going to school and getting an education. These are good, necessary routines!

It's true, some people call routines boring, even "mind-numbing." But I think we can alter that perspective and see routines as a huge blessing.

Let me explain.

In the smaller, daily habits of life, like brushing teeth or taking a shower, we don't have to use much brain power to function. We've done them so long, they are almost automatic. This gives us some brain matter and freedom to concentrate on more needful things that arise each day.

The same thing is true for going to work and going to school – the mega routines in our lives. We know we're going to get ready for our day, get to the location for work and school, and plunge into our tasks. Those are givens. We don't have to think much about that.

But then what?

What are we going to accomplish today? What are we going to learn today? Who are we going to serve or love or encourage today?

Our 9-5 routine is just a vehicle to get us involved in the great adventures of life.

Involved in progress. In education. In problem-solving. In relationship-building. In love-sharing. And so much more.

So I am thankful for the routines. They are blessings in disguise! With the basic routines fixed, we can focus our heart and mind on what God wants us to do, and that can change every day!

Jesus is our example in this. He worked hard to accomplish all the Father wanted Him to do (John 5:17, 19; 6:38).

Routines can also help us solidify new good habits. Every new habit begins with a choice. You decide to develop something new in your life. You know that if you create this habit, you'll be blessed with some kind of reward. But getting from the choice to the reward is where the routine comes in.

For example, let's say you want to start memorizing scripture.

• You make the choice: I will start memorizing scripture.
• You know the reward: I will have a stockpile of stored-up truth the Holy Spirit can use in my life.
• You design a routine: I will create proactive cues and behavioral steps to help me accomplish my goal.

One cue might be a scripture verse written out and taped to your bathroom mirror so you can see and read it every single morning when you brush your teeth. (Attach a new routine to an older routine!) My daughter-in-love, Carrie, does this for her family. I love her bathroom mirror scriptures!

I do the same thing at my desk. I have scriptures I want to memorize right above my computer monitor where I'll see them every workday.

One behavioral step might be to create some scripture "flash cards" to stick in your purse for "wait time" at the doctor's office or in the grocery store checkout line. (Use your present routine to create a new behavior. In this case, every time you wait, you will use your time to memorize)

In other words, exploit current routines (work/school) to accomplish new purposes. That's using your brain creatively. And when you use your brain creatively for the glory of God and your growth to become more like Jesus, that's a blessing indeed!

It's all about perspective. Your job isn't just a job. Schooling isn't just schooling. Each are opportunities.

If you'll be alert, you'll discover each routine comes packed with possibilities to honor God and accomplish His purposes in fresh ways.

Be encouraged with these scriptures:

"Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!" (Psalm 90:17)

"... be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15:58b)

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men" (Colossians 3:23).

Pray God will open your eyes to some blessings that may be hidden in your daily routines!

How can you use your return to work, or your children's (or your) return to school to create some new routines – to exchange perceived boredom for true blessing?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Does a Woman Honor God in Leadership?

Nali Hilderman is a confident, radiant woman of God who is careful to seek God for wisdom. In this Leadership UPGRADE, she offers solid, biblical counsel.

“If you find yourself in a position of leadership or power as a woman, you can honor the Lord in more ways than one,” Nali says. “Leadership and honoring God as a female are not mutually exclusive.”

      

I (Dawn) think this is such a timely post. The news lately is packed with all sorts of opinions about what women ought to be doing in regard to their position, status and role in the world. I appreciate Nali’s biblical perspective on women and leadership.

Nali continues…

As a college professor I often have young women seek council on career advice. Many of them wonder if they are wrong if they want to go graduate school or pursue positions of influence in the culture, because they wonder if that lines up with the biblical passages from scripture. 

I counsel many of these young women to seek hard and pray harder how they are supposed to glorify God with their lives, gifts and talents, and yet do so in a way that honors His design for their femininity and speaks truth to our world. 

If you find yourself in a position of leadership or power as a woman, you can honor the Lord in more ways than one.

Leadership and honoring God as a female are not mutually exclusive.

Here are three suggestions to act in a way that is honoring to Christ.

1. Check your motivation. Why are you in the position you are in, or why do you seek such a position? Is it because you have an “ax to grind” or is it because you believe it is the best use of your giftings?

Ask yourself, as you pursue potential career options or job positions, how you can seek to serve Christ in that position.

Often times we tend to seek power or influence because we want to make it “all about us” and fulfilling our desires and needs. Pray that you would follow the words of Colossians 3 when it says to “do everything” as unto the Lord.

2. Seek an attitude of “power under” as opposed to “power over.” Christ says the greatest in the Kingdom are those who love and who serve, and that is something all Christians should emulate.

Those in positions of power have a great opportunity to serve those around them with the love that God has poured out. Doing so from a position of power can speak the Gospel to those who need to hear it.

As our supreme example, Christ Himself (the ultimate position of power) humbled himself, became a man and chose not to be served, to but to serve.

3. Remember the Created Order. God’s Word seems to be very clear that there are specific designs and roles for men and women, yet all are created in His image – the Imago Dei. As a woman in a position of power, one must be careful to always remember that all humans bear the image of God and deserve respect and love.

Are you committed to treating both men and women around you in a way that honors the Imago Dei?

The issue of women in leadership seems to be increasing in 21^st century society and it is a difficult subject that often is filled with confusion on many levels. As Christian women serve in these positions, we must continue to seek the Lord in how we can do so in a way that honors Him.

Has God given you a position of leadership or do you have a desire to be a leader? Do you need to consider one of these suggestions as you move forward? Which is the most difficult for you?

Nali Hilderman is a professor of American history at San Diego Christian College and Director of the college’s Dr. Henry Morris Leadership Program. She studies women’s history and Christian theology, trying to make sense of how to be a confident, successful Christian woman who does not buy into the secular feminist mentality. She attends Journey Community Church in La Mesa, CA.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net