When Christmas Doesn't Feel 'Christmasy'

Sally Ferguson is wise and caring, and both traits combine to make her a superb encourager. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she reaches out to those who might hurt at Christmas by offering wise counsel from a compassionate heart.“Financial distress. Health scares. Job insecurity. Family discord. When circumstances take you out of your security zone you can feel tossed at sea,” Sally said.

A note from Dawn: As a teenager, I heard the Elvis Presley song "Blue Christmas," and at age 14 I wondered, "Why would anyone not have a happy Christmas?" Fast forward not too many years and I discovered many reasons—both cultural and personal in origin. Sally recognizes that too, and she offers wise counsel to combat "Christmas-time blues."

Sally continues . . .

The "boat ride" we experience caring for my ninety-year-old father can leave us numb, even at Christmas.

I no longer panic when heading to the Emergency Room because hospital stays have become the norm. I just grab Dad’s medication info, a book to read, a bottle of water, snacks, and my phone charger.

Maybe you’ve experienced times of feeling down during the holidays. You try to get in a festive spirit but end up deflated instead.

In fact, there may be more people who can relate than you realize.

In a survey conducted by National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “Approximately 755 of overall respondents reported that the holidays contribute to feeling sad or dissatisfied and 68% financially strained. 66% have experienced loneliness, 63% too much pressure and 57% unrealistic expectations. 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past contrasting with the present, while 50% were unable to be with loved ones.”

How can we battle feeling discouraged during a season when we’re supposed to be full of happiness?

Here are some ways I combat the Christmas blues.

1. Enlist help. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Decorating, cooking, and cleaning multiply during the holidays. One of the ways we tackle the job of decorating is with a family tree trimming party.

Ornaments go up and cookies get washed down with homemade eggnog.

My sister pitches in with the baking and washing dishes.

Why not treat yourself to an early Christmas present by paying a college student or a grandchild to manage some of the household chores? It’s a win for both when your to-do list gets shortened, and they get some spending money for the holidays.

2. Manage expectations. (Psalm 46:10)

When you think about it, redecorating the house for one month seems ludicrous. I’ve amassed trinkets, wall art, couch pillows, mugs, scented candles, sleigh bells, yard ornaments, and a sundry collection to doll up my house.

At some point, we have to divvy up our treasures to bless others.

And some years, we don’t have to use the entire ensemble to usher in the season. Adjust according to your needs.

Be still and acknowledge God. Allow Him to help you manage your expectations.

3. Make time for fun. (Proverbs 23:4a)

Put aside your list for something you’ll enjoy.

• Drive to a Christmas light display with the grands and say “ooo" and "aah” with each exchange of wow factor.
• Go on a sleigh ride and feel the cold air in your lungs. If you live in a warm climate, take a nighttime boat ride down the canal to see the boats lit up in their finery.
• Watch a favorite Christmas movie and celebrate with popcorn.
• Take a break from shopping with a treat from the coffee shoppe.

Pace yourself! Do not "wear yourself out."

4. Run back to our Abba. (Ephesians 5:29)

We can take great comfort in God’s Word. Scripture is full of reminders that God is for us and God is with us; and our Abba wants us to take care of our bodies.

Maybe you’re cruising along well with the holidays, but do you have a friend who is dragging? What can you do to help? (Proverbs 3:27)

Here are some ways you might encourage your friend:

• Drop in with flowers and tea.
• Include her in your shopping trip.
• Send a verse and a word of encouragement.
• Bring a hug and a listening ear.
• Wrap presents together and listen to carols.
• Bake Christmas cookies together.
• Tackle an item on her list.

Sometimes the best encouragement is an emoji in a text. It lets the person know you’re there and you care.

When you meet another at her point of need, you are an ambassador for the Babe who arrived at Christmas. You're the one who represents Jesus in the flesh—our Emmanuel who cares about every detail we face.

This Christmas, whether you have “all the feels” or not, may you know without a doubt you are important to the One who created you. He loves you so much that His Son died on the cross that you might have a full and abundant life (John 10:10).

Rejoice in this great truth:

“I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11 NASB).

Which tip to combat the Christmas blues seems doable to you?

Sally Ferguson lives in western New York with her husband, and her dad. She writes to shine hope in darkness and often does so by revealing her own struggles. Sally’s latest article released December 1^st in Michelle Rayburn’s collective, Renewed Christmas Blessings. Visit her website at sallyferguson.net to see other work and to get a copy of her mom’s famous eggnog!

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Larisa Koshkina at Pixabay.

Am I a Samaritan?

Susan K. Stewart is a practical, biblical woman. She takes a no-nonsense approach to life, but with a tender heart. In this Compassion UPGRADE, she asks a thought-provoking question: Am I a Samaritan?

“My goal that Sunday morning was to slip into the last row of chairs after the service started, then leave quietly during the closing hymn,” Susan says.

“But God has a way of thwarting our plans for His.”

My heart (Dawn’s) was so touched by Susan’s story; and the lesson she drew from this tough life experience is life-impacting.

Susan continues . . .

The week before an anonymous reporter told the sheriff’s department our seventeen-year-old son had been beaten by his father.

On Sunday, our son was still at a Child Protective Services shelter. We would not know when he could come home until a hearing still ten days away.

To compound the pain of this situation, my husband had been arrested for those allegations.

The small-town weekly newspaper reported all arrests. So, there it was for all the public to see.

When child abuse is reported, not only do the officials treat the accused parent as guilty, so do others. Although I was able to make the required bail, it was still agony to go in public.

Even knowing the falsehood involved, there was no bandage to cover people’s reactions.

A Hurting Heart on Mother’s Day

We tried to quickly sit down while the worship team slowly gathered on the stage and congregants took their seats.

Those who didn’t know us well made sideways glances at us and left the chairs next to us empty. Those who knew us only gave distant greetings. Maybe they believed the report; maybe they didn’t know what to say.

I felt even more alone.

Then Nora walked across the auditorium to give me a hug.

While that may not seem significant most Sunday mornings, on this particular Sunday it was a balm I needed. Not only due to the situation we found ourselves in, but it was also Mother’s Day.

It would have been easy to have stayed at home. After all, we all know what Mother’s Day at church is like.

Moms proudly standing with adoring children, various moms receiving special recognition—the mom whose child is in protective custody or in jail isn’t invited to stand—and the Proverbs 31 sermon.

But the Holy Spirit shoved me out our front door. He knew there was a living sermon for me.

An Unlikely Samaritan

This lady who went out of her way to share love with me was not a close friend. Nora and I had differences. Honestly, she wasn’t someone I expected to approach me. If I had given it any thought, I would have expected her to be one of those who might stand nearby and whisper.

In spite of our sometimes less than cordial relationship, Nora recognized my breaking heart, sought me out to show Christ’s healing love, and became a Samaritan to me. It would have been easier for her to pass by on the other side of the road.

Instead, she publicly acknowledged I needed healing.

Am I a Good Samaritan?

Even though the charges were ultimately dropped by the court, we continued to face some dark hours. During the time in the valley, I was focused on our family’s pain.

As the Shepherd brought us through, I began to look outward more.

• Was I passing on the other side of road when someone was hurt? 
• How did I react to negative reports about others?
• Had I become like the priest or the Levite who moved away from the injured?

I’ve not always followed Nora’s or Christ’s example.

I’m too quick to be concerned about appearances or believing the “news” about someone’s struggle.

Had it been another mother that morning going through inner pain, I may have been one of those whispering and sitting in a different row.

Also like the Samaritan, Nora moved on with her life.

She and I didn’t become friends. In fact, after that one hug, she only asked a couple times how things were going. She’s not the one I asked to be at the court hearing with us. Our lives didn’t converge beyond the soccer field. She’s not even a Facebook “friend” now.

It isn’t necessary to be BFFs to share a healing hug or note of love.

Jesus’s parable (Luke 10:25-37) uses a Samaritan and Jew; people who hated each other. These men wouldn’t not have talked to each other under different circumstances.

The Samaritan followed what was right, not what was expected.  He was “the one who had mercy” (Luke 10:37).

I don’t imagine they had coffee together after the incident. Showing God’s love is for everyone, not just the people we like.

Nora is forever my Samaritan, who crossed the road to offer healing and comfort. She is the Samaritan who made sure my heart was cared for that morning.

She continues to be an example I now try to follow.

Who has been your Samaritan? Are you a Samaritan? How can you strive to be a Samaritan to the unloved?

Susan K. Stewart, Managing Editor with Elk Lake Publishing, teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. When she’s not tending chickens and donkeys, Susan teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. Susan’s passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Her latest book, Donkey Devos: Listening When God Speaks, is a devotional based on life with her donkeys. You can learn more at her website www.susankstewart.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Natalia Navrilenko at Pixabay.

Keep on Comforting and Encouraging

This is something that I shared on Facebook on December 17th. I want to share it here as well—and expand on it a bit—because I think we all need a Compassion UPGRADE.

I've been "watching" someone who has suffered for a long time. As the years go by, some of her friends have fallen away, because it's awkward to them that nothing changes. It's so sad.

Confession Time

I "fell away" from encouraging a friend years ago too—a grieving brother in the family of God—because:

1. I got busy in life;
2. I didn't know what else I could say. I didn't know how to keep on encouraging him as he was hurting . . . and it went on and on for years.

So I just prayed—which wasn't bad, but it wasn't enough.

I could have reached out more.

The longer I didn't write to encourage him, the worse I felt. The harder it got.

I reasoned that I didn't want to be like one of Job's unhelpful counselors, doing more damage than helping.

But the truth is, there were many ways I could have expressed God's (and my) loving concern.

It wasn't that I didn't love my brother in Christ; I just didn't know how to "relate" to his suffering anymore.

I understand now that I could have continued to share simple truths:

• "I'm still praying for you," or
• "God sees and loves you."

I could have spoken God's truth into his pain from a caring heart.

I could have asked him, "How can I pray specifically for you today—physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually?" I even could have sent resources to remind Him I cared.

I learned that lesson the hard way, and it made me more sensitive to "continue" to encourage others who hurt.

We never know how God might use our words or actions to encourage others. If we take time to think about it, there are many ways to comfort those who struggle.

When we're with them, we might take their hands in ours, look them in the eyes, and say, "I love you and I'm praying for you."

Sometimes, it's just a matter of sitting with them in their times of grief or pain.

A woman once told me the most meaningful thing that happened to her all day at a funeral for her husband was that I simply sat beside her and held her hand for an hour . . . no words, just my presence.

Keep on comforting and encouraging—any way you can!

One other thing. I am thankful the Bible says we have a friend who "sticks" with us, closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). He never leaves us, and He knows how to comfort us in our struggles. We may feel he has deserted us in our circumstances, but the promise is "He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you" (Deut. 31:8b NLT).

Sometimes it's "no words" . . . just God's wonderful presence.

How about you? Is there someone you might encourage today? Someone you once encouraged, but you've been busy, or maybe you fretted over what to say?

Why not simply stop right now and write to or tell that person you care and are praying? It will mean a lot.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of AlexasFotos at Pixabay.