Embrace Light in the Darkness

I first met Sherri Cullison at a writer's conference, and I was instantly drawn to her eagerness to discover all that God had for her life. When I discovered her tragic story, my heart ached. But later I saw how God used even this to shape her and her ministry to others.

In this Hope UPGRADE, she reflects on how God helps us embrace His light, even in our darkest hour.

Sherri says, "The moment I stepped into our living room and found my fourteen-year-old daughter Sarah’s lifeless body on the floor, my world became dark.

When I (Dawn) let that sink in—how I would feel if that were my child and the "darkness" that would suddenly surround me—it takes my breath away. How can a person survive such deep sorrow? Sherri explains it's not a "how"—it's a "Who."

Sherri continues . . .

The room where I watched my three children laugh and play and open Christmas gifts suddenly became a death room.

A heaviness hovered in the air. In my mind, my home was no longer a brightly-lit home of wonderful family times, but a dingy, evil place.

My youngest daughter had made an uncontrollable decision and took her own life.

Instantly I concluded that someone must have done this to her. I was in shock.

I threw my purse across the floor and called for help. Surely this was a mistake, a nightmare I was lost in.

 I called 911 and gave dispatch the information.

“Just stay on the line with me, Mrs. Cullison. Help is on the way,” the dispatcher said.

My tragic circumstance might not be the same as yours today. Maybe you’ve lost the love of your life. Maybe you’re facing serious health issues. Maybe you lost a baby in the womb. Maybe you lost everything you owned and you’re starting over.

Whatever you’re facing today, I want to encourage you that darkness doesn’t have to live in your life forever.

Each day you face doesn’t have to be hopeless for the next.

Even though darkness appeared to envelope me that night I lost my daughter, I was not alone. God brought light into my moment of despair.

On the phone with the dispatcher, I blurted out, “Are you a Christian?”

“Yes,” she quietly responded.

“Can you please pray with me?” I pleaded.

“There is a pastor’s wife here in the room with me and I’ll put her on and she’ll pray with you.”

I can’t remember the words she prayed, but I know it comforted me. Calling on the Lord in a time of devastation wasn’t attributable to me.

I don’t even remember thinking I should pray. The words simply flowed across my lips in desperation and fear.

I remember when I was a little girl lying in my bed at night, I felt very alone in the dark. I was afraid. I was convinced there was danger because I couldn’t see anything around me, even though I had two sisters in the room with me.

I pulled the blankets up around my face and cuddled up to where I felt I was safe.

I was hiding from nothing, but I didn’t know I could ask for help.

Soon my body relaxed, and I fell asleep until the morning light.

Isn’t that what we find ourselves doing sometimes?

When we face a hopeless situation, we feel afraid and panic. We know there must be help somewhere, but how and where do we turn for help?

You may feel you’ll never recover or that nothing in your situation will ever change, but let me encourage you with these three ways we can find light in our darkness.

1. Call on God that Very Moment

Matthew 11:28 (NIV):

"Come to me. all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Don’t wait. Whether a simple “help me” prayer or an offering of a river of tears, or even an outcry in anger.

If you feel you don’t have the strength, ask someone to pray with you. Not only will it bring instant light from His presence, but He will give you rest.

2. Follow Jesus and Not the Darkness

 John 8:12 (ESV):

". . . I [Jesus] am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Too often we depend on possessions and even others to be our light, but Jesus encourages us to follow Him because there we’ll find the light of our everyday life.

3. Allow the Lord to Light the Lamp of Your Soul.

Psalm 18:28 (ESV):

"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness."

If your lamplight is no longer lit, please don’t turn away or resist His help. Often it can mean the difference between life and death. 

When we find ourselves in moments of panic and despair and feel surrounded by darkness, we need to remind ourselves that there is hope in the warmth of light’s glow.

God holds tomorrow and He also holds you. His embrace today can help you get through your unknown tomorrows.

When you face darkness in life’s hardships, what are your intentions today to address them tomorrow?

NOTE:  September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. If someone you know is in crisis, contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling 988.

Sherri J. Cullison, author and speaker, knows the pain and devastation life brings. Whether your hope is treading or sinking, Sherri’s heart for hope reveals how we can manage our everyday struggles to claim joy and love life.  In her recent book, SOS: A Mother’s Story of Survival, Rescue, and Hope in the Darkness of Teen Suicide, Sherri shares the heartbreaking loss of her daughter and the evidence of God’s healing, forgiveness, and restoration. Sherri and her husband live in Arizona and have two children, seven grandchildren, four pianos, and one RZR. Contact Sherri at www.sherrijcullison.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Joe at Pixabay.

Infant Loss: Uplift for the Grieving Mother

Please note: This article is about losing a child to miscarriage or infant loss. While the author has been careful in how she expresses her thoughts, it still may trigger deep, painful feelings in those who have experienced this loss. Know that Morgan's goal—and mine—is only to encourage, and not bring more pain.

In this month set aside to remember those who have experienced infant loss, Morgan Farr writes this Grief UPGRADE with the desire to help grieving mothers, and also those who may need insight in helping moms process their grief.

Morgan quotes Franchesca Cox:

"A mother is never defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love that she holods in her heart."

I (Dawn) have wept with women who lost children in miscarriage or sudden death infant syndrome—and also with the babies' grandmothers! There is no easy way to comfort them, but God wants us to "mourn with those who mourn." I am glad Morgan is tackling this tough topic.

Morgan continues . . .

If you have ever lost a child to miscarriage or infant loss, my heart breaks for you. Though I now have four wonderful children, I have walked in your shoes three different times.

You are not alone in this journey.

In fact, many women have walked in our shoes—one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Throughout history, miscarriage and infant loss have been taboo subjects, but that is all changing. In the fall of 1988, President Ronald Regan designated October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And in 2002, October 15 was named "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day."

All of that is great, but what do you actually do?

• After you have lost a baby, how do you function?
• How do you commemorate the importance of this life without being in a constant state of mourning?

I totally get that. A lot of the language used around miscarriage is ambiguous or antiquated. I struggled with it too.

In military life, acronyms are just the way we speak, so I use "EMBER" to help grieving mothers process grief—to help them remember the child they lost.

E — EXPRESS

After a miscarriage, you are going to feel a LOT of things... and nothing.

I had days where I was almost irrationally angry, days where tears poured down my face all day, and days where I felt absolutely nothing. All of those feelings are entirely normal, and it is important to express them.

This is where community comes in. Galatians 6:2 says,

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Finding a grief support group can be a wonderful way to talk to other women that just "get it." Many hospitals offer free grief support groups. There are also nonprofits that help women during this time as well.

If you aren’t comfortable in a group, find someone you can talk to.

You NEED to talk through these emotions in a safe place where you can be vulnerable. Allow others to help you carry this burden.

M — MEMORIALIZE

You may or may not have a grave to visit due to the nature of your miscarriage and how far along you were.

• If you have a gravesite and are able to visit it and place flowers there, that can be helpful in the healing process.
• A lot of women wear a necklace or a charm bracelet that might have the birthstone of the baby.
• Some people keep framed sonograms.
• Some people plant a tree or a bush to memorialize the baby that was lost.

This is a completely personal choice—up to you.

Also, realize that how you memorialize may need to change as you process your grief.

I couldn’t look at the sonogram for months after the miscarriage, so I kept them in a drawer until the pain wasn't as bad.

B - BALANCE

After you have a miscarriage, you are often expected to get back to "normal" life relatively quickly. In many places there isn’t even time off for a miscarriage as there would be for another kind of death.

It is crucial that you check in on your system and make sure you are balanced.

• If you are struggling emotionally, reach out.
• If your body doesn’t feel right, call your doctor.
• If you have difficulty sleeping or eating, get help.

You went through something traumatic. You do NOT have to pretend like everything is ok.

You figure out what you need and make it happen.

E — ENLIGHTEN

People often don’t know how to relate to a woman who has had a miscarriage.

The problem is, they just need to be enlightened that you are still mourning and you need time.

So I am going to teach you the phrase that changed the game for me. Ready?

“I had a miscarriage _____ days/weeks/months ago; I need some time.”

If you aren’t ready for (insert any activity that you aren’t ready for here) yet, use this phrase.

Enlighten those around you about what you can and cannot deal with right now.

R — REMEMBER

Choosing how you remember your little one is entirely up to you. This is a personal decision, and you need to do what works best for you and your family.

I chose to remember the babies that God called home by naming them.

On the anniversary of the miscarraige, we have cupcakes, and we remember the siblings that my kids didn’t get to meet—using their names.

This gave me a great sense of CLOSURE, and helped me to feel like I wasn’t the only one who would remember their names.

Psalm 34:18 says,

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

It is OK to mourn. It is OK to be sad.

Using EMBER to remember and to memorialize your little one can help you heal.

Remember, our God knew each one of us before we were born, and He knows your baby too.

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life—all while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Callie Reagan at Pixabay.

Hope for the Hurting at Easter

In this pre-Easter UPGRADE, Dawn acknowledges the pain of those who hurt during this celebratory season, but points back to the purpose, promise and power of the resurrection.

"My daddy died near Easter, years ago," Dawn says. "It was a deeply painful time for me, but also a time of great hope."

During those days I chose to breathe out the pain and breath in the presence of God. It's the only way I felt I could survive the great loss.

I remember sitting in church that Easter, weeping over Daddy's passing, but then weeping with joy as we celebrated the risen Savior. It was bittersweet on so many levels.

I've since thought about those I know who hurt during many holidays.

• Those who lost their income at Christmas.
• Those who lost their home to fire at Thanksgiving.
• Those who recalled their family losses on Mother's Day and Father's Day.
• Those who lost their health with a sudden "diagnosis" at any time of year when others are celebrating.

So much pain.

But the key words there are "lost" and "losses." Yes, losing people and things we love is painful, but the bigger picture for the Christian is the purpose, promise and power of the Lord's resurrection and how that can and should impact our lives.

1. The Purpose of the Resurrection

I have to admit, my first reaction to a friend who shared truth with me when my Daddy died was to want to choke her! "Just remember what Jesus did; we have victory over all those ugly emotions now," she said.

How insensitive, I thought.

But after I calmed down, I knew she was—at the root of truth—correct.

It was normal to grieve. I'd lost my dear daddy! But it was also right to take my raw emotions to Jesus—my risen Savior—who understood everything about me and my circumstances.

• He came to reach out to us in our pain and separation from God.
• He came to die for our sin and reconcile us to God.
• He came to live a perfect life as an example of righteousness.
• And in His resurrection, He came to conquer the effects of every evil, every false thing, every painful thing that would touch our lives.

The simple truth of Easter is—Jesus died, was buried and rose again (1 Corinthians 15:3-4). But there was so much more in God's purpose for the resurrection.

• The purpose of the resurrection was to show the immense power of God. He is absolutely sovereign over life and death. Only the awesome Creator of life can resurrect life after death.
• The purpose of the resurrection was also to show us who Jesus claimed to be. Because He is truly the Son of God—the long-awaited Messiah—His resurrection authenticated His ministry and the "sign of Jonah" (Matthew 16:1-4). It proved He was God's "Holy One" who would never experience "corruption" (Psalm 16:10; Acts 13:32-37).
• The purpose of the resurrection was to forgive us and set us free from every sin (Acts 13:38-39). He can only set us free because He actually did what He said He would do—rise from the dead (Acts 17:2-3; Mark 8:31; 9:31; 10:34).

We can rest—even in times of frustration, confusion or pain—in God's great picture purpose for the resurrection of Christ.

2. The Promise of the Resurrection

The promise of the resurrection is that God would indeed reverse the ugliness of sin and death and give us victory over the grave—there remains no "sting" in death (1 Corinthians 15:54-55). He is indeed the resurrection and the life (John 11:25).

The promise is that because He lives, we too shall live (John 14:19). He is "the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep" (1 Corinthians 15:20).

Though we hurt when loved ones pass away, we can have confidence that we will once again see and recognize all our loved ones who have died in Christ.

Why? We will see Jesus, be raised from the dead and instantly be present with the Lord (Titus 2:13; 1 Corinthians 15:12-57). This togetherness is suggested by the events in the "rapture" of the Church (1 Thessalonians 4:17).

And we can believe that the God who loves us and is faithful is working for our good and His glory.

Any loss on earth is meant to be overshadowed by our Father's great lovingkindness now and in heaven.

3. The Power of the Resurrection

Because Jesus rose from the dead and sits at the right hand of the Father (Hebrews 10:12), we get to experience the power of His resurrection.

We are to experience that power now, not just in eternity in heaven.

• We will find power as we respond to God's grace. As we repent of our sins and confess them, embracing God's forgiveness and grace. (Ephesians 2:4-5; Titus 3:4-7; 2 Corinthians 12:9)
• We will find power as we exchange the emptiness of "religion" for a dynamic relationship with the Lord through faith. (Romans 4:4-5; 11:6)
  
• We will find power as we serve the Lord. 1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." This is true because it is God who gives us the "victory" through His Son (v. 57).
• We will find power as we begin to embrace eternal priorities. (Matthew 6:33)
  
• We will find power as we learn to die to our selfish desires and agendas. (Romans 12:1-2)
• We will find power as we anticipate God working on our behalf in ways we cannot imagine, as we surrender to and trust Him. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
• And we will find power as we remember God will give us new bodies (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18) and make all things new (Isaiah 43:18-19; 65:17; Revelation 21:5; Ephesians 2:15; 4:24; Hebrews 8:13).

When I think only about the hurts in my life—the losses and pain—life is harder to endure. But when I think about the power of the resurrection, something within me stirs: HOPE!

The power of the resurrection is our hope in God who raised His Son to new life—the same God who desires to raise us and our loved ones in Christ to new life as well.

He is the same great God who will restore all that is broken and bless us with blessings beyond our imagination. (Ephesians 1:3-14; 1 Corinthians 2:9)

That is the hope for the hurting at Easter.

Are you hurting today? How can a more intentional focus on the purpose, promise and power of Jesus' resurrection help you with your struggles?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts  and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic vector adapted, courtesy of MKencad at Lightstock.

"Thank God!" (Even When Life's a Struggle)

As I (Dawn) wrote this Thanksgiving UPGRADE, I was so aware of people I know who are struggling this year. How can they be thankful? 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us it is God's will that we be thankful IN all things—in the midst of them—not FOR all things. (1 Thess. 5:18)

I think this is an important distinction, because frankly, sometimes life stinks. Pain. Loss. Confusion. Offenses. Desperation. Suffering.

Yet we can learn to be grateful in the midst of it all.

I remember the Thanksgiving after America’s 9-11, with the destruction of the Twin Towers and so much suffering. The grief was overwhelming.

And then stories came out that warmed my heart. People were searching for something good in all their pain.

I remember friends struggling last year in Texas with the flooding after Hurricane Harvey.

And yet some reached out to bless others. (I have a personal story of a flood “victim” who turned her loss into a victorious opportunity to help my family in another state!)

I think back to a time of deep personal pain, and how friends and family gathered around my husband and I to help us move forward in so many ways.

Their kindness helped us embrace the future, and I thank God for them.

I think about the wildfires California has experienced in recent years and especially this fall. Homes lost. Deaths. Incalculable pain. So many questions.

And then again, in the midst of calamity, stories of kindness and hope.

While I’m no Pollyanna, I do try to search for things to be grateful for when I hurt—a solidly biblical approach to life’s struggles.

I believe there are times for legitimate lament as well as celebrations.

If you doubt that, search out the Psalms of lament, or even the book of Lamentations. Part of learning to grieve well is getting a biblical perspective on all the pain. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it helps us bear up under the suffering with a sense of hope in God.

Ask God to help you see His good hand and loving heart in your circumstances.

I think this Thanksgiving Day I will meditate—as many others are this year—on some of the things we can be grateful for even when life is tough and confusing.

For that, I go to the solid, unshakeable rock of scripture.

1. "Thank God!"—He is always good. Even when life seems unbearably bad.

Psalm 31:19 - His love is abundant, stored up for those who take refuge in Him.

Psalm 34:8 - Taste and see ... He is good.

Psalm 59:16-17 - God is our fortress and refuge in the day of distress.

2. "Thank God!"—Our lives find meaning when we are centered in the Lord.

Philippians 1:21 - He is the center of our lives and, in Christ, even death is gain.

Philippians 3:7-8 - Even if we suffer great losses, nothing can compare to what we gain in Him.

Philippians 4:11-12 - He teaches us how to face great abundance and great need.

James 1:17 - Every good gift we have is from the Lord.

3. "Thank God!"—Even though tough things happen (because we live in a world cursed by sin), our Father has a big-picture plan of redemption.

Heb. 12:10-11 - Our most painful struggles discipline us and yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

James 1:2-4, 12 - Our trials produce steadfastness and cultivate maturity.

I Pet. 5:9-10 - We may suffer, but the God of all grace desires to restore and strengthen us.

Rom. 8:28 - He redeems His children's circumstances, creating something good.

Jer. 29:11-13 - He desires to give us a future and hope so we will seek Him with all our heart.

4. "Thank God!"—Suffering won’t last forever; but in the meantime, there are opportunities for blessing even in our suffering.

Psalm 71:20 - God will "bring us up" from our troubles and calamities.

Jer. 31:13 - God turned His people's mourning and sorrow into comfort and gladness.

1 Peter 3:13-17 - When we suffer for righteousness' sake—for doing good—God will still bless us.

5. "Thank God!"—There is always hope, because we can go through anything in the Lord's strength.

Phil. 4:13 - We can do all things—everything we need to do—through strength in Christ.

Psalm 18:28-29 - God lightens our darkness and gives us His power and strength.

6. "Thank God!"—We can experience Him—His help and healing—in His many attributes.

• His presence.
• His power.
• His protection.
• His peace.
• His loving care, understanding and compassion
• His sufficiency to meet all our needs.

One thing is certain: This side of heaven we will all face trials and struggles sooner or later.

In time, we will all feel physical, mental, emotional, social or spiritual pain at some level. 

Thank God, we can learn the truths of scripture now—to prepare our hearts for when troubles come.

Which of these "Thank God" truths can help you most today? Are there any scriptures you could memorize to "store up" for difficult times?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Julie at Lightstock.

The Pulse of Prayer in Grief

Sally Ferguson writes with clarity and sensitivity, and this post is no exception. In this Grief UPGRADE, she shares how prayer is the lifeline for believers who grapple with the devastation of grief.

"I curled up next to my 95 year old grandmother, as we contemplated how our lives had turned upside down," Sally says. "Her only child, my mom, had died suddenly of heart failure."

I (Dawn) think every loved one's passing bring's grief, but the sudden loss is especially hard. I remember my prayers when my daddy passed unexpectedly into eternity. I felt like I mumbled prayers only the Spirit of God could understand; I was in so much pain. Sally understands this and has a good word of encouragement for us here.

Sally continues . . .

Facing the loss of his business partner and wife of 54 years, my dad entered no-man’s land of mental collapse.

I felt like I had not only lost one parent, but two.

The ensuing months of doctor visits with Dad, hospital stays and tests brought a diagnosis of dementia and Alzheimer’s. His ability to function was enhanced by a multitude of drugs, and his subsequent move into my home was brightened by the presence of my toddling granddaughter.

In the worst of times, I saw my grandmother and my father rely on the Lord. That night cradled next to my Gra’ma, I glimpsed a window into heaven when I heard the most intimate prayer of a child relying on her heavenly Father for her needs.

In days when Dad was not able to express much else, he could respond with prayer that made more sense than a lot of the words I’ve uttered.

What is it about a lifestyle of prayer that ingrains a habit so deeply in the heart and enables one to call out to God, even in the midst of the unthinkable?

On my friend’s deathbed, her practice of prayer was still a priority. But it was for others, not herself.

At 54, her body was ravaged by cancer, but her mind still held on to the promises of God found in Christ. As different ones visited in her hospital room, Jodie bowed her head and lifted an earnest request for each one gathered around her bed.

Her pleas for their protection and guidance were fueled by the urgency of her own mortality.

I met with my 91-year-old writer friend, Bea, the second week in December. By the third day of January, she was gone.

Bea and I had prayed over many manuscripts and life needs, and each time she prayed, I knew she was talking to a Friend.

Memories are sacred treasures we hold in our hearts.

I walked through the deaths of four prayer warriors in a little over four years.

Mom, Gra’ma, Jodie and Bea left an indescribable void.

I am still observing my dad’s reverent conversations with the Lord and the miracle of his mental health being restored.

Is God still there? Does God still care? Absolutely!

As a young adult, I heard my pastor say, based on Matthew 6:8, “He knows and He cares.” I have continued to see that truth play out in my life as the Lord has walked me through suffering.

Living in the shadow of death, it helped to know God worked in the lives of others who were familiar with pain, and He would be there for me, too.

The trauma of grief is one each one of us faces in life, yet the pulse of prayer runs through our veins with hope in the Resurrection of Christ.

From foxhole to hospice care, we all return to prayer in our greatest need.

Our Creator installed that default mode, so we would know how to call out to Him.

Indeed, Ecclesiastes 3:11 says He has placed eternity in our hearts. The link of prayer may be more noticeable in crisis, but it is available every day of our lives.

When we pray, hard times cannot crush us, because we know Who to lean on.

I have not yet reached the other side of my crisis, as we continue to grapple with my dad’s health. But I am stronger for the journey.

Faith in God was modeled for me and proved true as He held on to me through the devastation of loss. On the days when grief covered me with a blanket of despair, my heart still knew to call out to God, my Safe Tower.

Suffering also earns you the right to be heard.

People listen, because there is respect for one who suffers.

Grief hurts. But compassion for others rises out of vulnerability.

What would I want others to learn from my journey with grief?

• Life is precious.
• We have a legacy to leave to those who come behind us, and the mantle of responsibility for that heritage has been passed on to us.
• When loss is devastating, my heart’s desire is to let others know God is always there and He always cares.
  

We find Him in the pulse of prayer.

How have you modeled prayer for your family?

Sally Ferguson loves organizing retreats and seeing relationships blossom in time away from the daily routine. Her coloring book, What Will I Be When I Grow Up? (Warner Press) and ebook, How to Plan a Women’s Retreat are both available on Amazon.  Stop in for a chat at www.sallyferguson.net