Five Ways to Speak God's Love Language

Debbie W. Wilson always has a fresh perspective on familiar Christian truth. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she reminds us that there are ways we can learn to "speak God's love language."

Debbie says, “My husband doesn’t show me love,” the distraught woman who sat before me complained.

I (Dawn) think that nearly every married woman has thought that from time to time. We just want more and more love—and not only from a spouse! But remember, when we "speak" someone's love language, it isn't always with words.

Debbie continues . . .

This woman’s husband provided for her financially, maintained her car without being asked, vacuumed the house, and cleaned up after supper. But she longed for quality time and deep conversations.

Because acts of service were not her love language, this woman had overlooked her husband’s demonstrations of love.

A hunger to express and experience love runs through the human DNA.

Considering this made me wonder if that need extends to our relationship with God. If so, what are some ways to enhance this love relationship? Does God have a love language?

Hebrews 11:6 says faith is God’s love language.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (NIV).

Did you catch the reciprocal nature of faith as described in this verse? Those who believe in God also believe God rewards them for seeking Him.

Loving Jesus enables us to receive His love. John 14:21 says,

“Those who love me will have my Father’s love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them” (GW).

Let’s look at ways to enhance our love relationship with God.

5 Ways to Speak God’s Love Language

1. Pray

Prayer demonstrates a relationship with God and faith that He is good.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:7-11 NIV).

2. Demonstrate Trust through Thanksgiving

Gratitude demonstrates faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. It shows I believe He is bigger than my mistakes and the wrongs I’ve endured (Rom. 8:28).

Faith allows me to pray with thanksgiving before I see God’s answer (Phil. 4:6-8).

A large ministry fired an honorable young man without cause. His mother wrestled with God over this betrayal. Before the year was out, a scandal hit the press concerning those who’d mistreated her son.

“God spared my son,” she said. “And I’d thought He’d forgotten him.”

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this” (1 Thes. 5:18 GW).

3. Worship

Worship shows we believe He is worthy of our devotion and reminds us He’s bigger than anything clamoring for our time and attention.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything” (Ps. 46:10 The Message).

4. Obey

Obedience demonstrates love and faith (Jn. 14:15-16).

“Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me” (Jn. 14:21 GW).

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 Jn. 5:3 NIV).

5. Live Clean

Receiving and appreciating our forgiveness shows faith in Jesus and increases our love for Him (1 Jn. 1:9, Titus 2:14).

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love” (Luke 7:47 NLT).

Through faith we express our love to God and experience His love in return.

Every step we take in faith causes God’s heart to sing. 

Does your relationship with God need a boost? Consider the list above. Which one needs your attention?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kalhh at Pixabay.

Spread the Aroma of Christ at Christmas

I love the inviting scents of Christmas. Cookies baking in the oven. Christmas ham. Hot chocolate with crushed peppermint on whipped cream. Cinnamon, cranberries and cloves simmering on the stove.

I recently saw an article titled "Super Simple Holiday Stovetop Simmer." In the article, Lora Bloomquist said, "With a few simple grocery store ingredients and tap water, you can enjoy a fragrant-smelling holiday home every night of the week." (Ah. I like simple.)

The RECIPE includes cranberries, cloves, Saigon cinnamon, and sliced lemons. (What's not to love?)

Fragrance is part of making the home "cozy" during the holidays, Bloomquist said, and this is "easier and less expensive" than burning fragrant candles. (Some candles can be a problem for people with allergies; but I'm not sure about cinnamon and cloves.)

As I thought about Christmas fragrances, a passage of scripture came to mind:

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.

For we are the aroma of Christ to God . . . (2 Corinthians 2:14-15a).

Yes. There is an aroma more fragrant than any Christmas spices that might simmer on your stove!

The Sent One is the 'Fragrant' One

Let's backtrack a bit into the Old Testament.

• We first hear about pleasing aromas—or "sweet savors"—rising to God in the Jewish sacrifices (as in Exodus 29:18, 25; Numbers 15:3). Some of the sacrifices were designated for the atonement of the people until the promised Messiah would come.
• Later, when God, through Ezekiel, told the Jewish people He would bring them from all the lands where they had been scattered, God said: "As a pleasing aroma I will accept you . . . And I will manifest my holiness among you in the sight of the nations (Ezekiel 20:41).

The aroma of a sacrifice is important to God. Over and over in the book of Leviticus, the "aroma" of sacrifice is mentioned as pleasing Him. But why? 

It's not the smell, but what the smell REPRESENTS.

Jesus was the "sent One"—the promised Messiah. The Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world (1 John 4:14; Galatians 4:4-5). When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, He would as an adult become the "once for all" sacrifice for sinners (Hebrews 7:27). He would die in our place—the substitutionary atonement for our sin.

Paul said Jesus loved us so much He chose to die for us, and that sacrificial offering was "fragrant" to God (Ephesians 5:2b).

At the beginning of Jesus' ministry, the Father said He was "well pleased" with His Son (Mark 1:11). Jesus was without sin, and the ONLY ONE who could provide the perfect and pleasing sacrifice—acceptable to God.

Jesus' life is the sweetest "savor" of all, because He is our Savior!

According to John 3:16, those who know the Savior in a personal relationship have eternal life—and that is cause for great rejoicing!

But not everyone we meet knows Him!

That's why 2 Corinthians 2:14-15a is so important. Paul said our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God.

If you are a Christ-follower, God desires to use you to spread the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere!

• In your family
• In your neighborhood
• At your workplace
• In every setting the Lord opens to you

Just as a holiday fragrance might waft from our stovetop and fill the house with a pleasing aroma, our lives ought to fill the world with the pleasing aroma of Christ.

I laughed a little as I wrote that last sentence.

I realized it takes heat to make a stovetop fragrance fill our home. It doesn't do much sitting in a pan of water with no heat.

It may take a little "heat" from the Holy Spirit—or some difficult circumstance God uses to fire us up with a reminder of His great mercies and grace—to motivate us to share the Gospel with others.

We who enjoy the fragrance of Christ in our salvation: how can we not desire that beautiful blessing for others?

As you consider some of the lovely scents of Christmas this week, how might you share the "aroma" of the risen Christ in your circle of influence?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Public Domain at Pixabay.

Give Me My Delight

Susan K. Stewart is an analytical woman, so it doesn't surprise me she took time to think through why she felt so aimless. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she shares how she learned to delight in the Lord, and how that helped her learn to walk closer to His will.

"I’ve been wandering aimlessly recently. So many good projects, so many good causes, so many good books." Susan says. "While wandering I’ve been unsettled—feeling as though no matter the way I decide to go, I only get to a roadblock."

I (Dawn) think all Christ-followers feel a little aimless and unsettled sometimes. In my experience, I've usually tried to fill those times with busyness, but I never felt satisfied. As Susan explains, there's something far deeper I needed, and perhaps you do too.

Susan continues . . .

Often, I find myself just sitting in the path crying, "God, what is it You want me to do?"

Too often, my cry is, "Lord, You promised to give me the desires of my heart."

But, is that really what He promises?

Most of us are familiar with this "promise" in Psalm 37:4–5:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.

Oh, so many times I'm guilty of telling God what I want—the plans I have—and then waiting for Him to fulfill those plans.

Once He's done his part, I'll do my part: delight in Him.

• When I look back at my journal, I find I ask God to be the center of what I do.
• I see now why I wander aimlessly. I need to be at the center of what he is doing.

That does sound very spiritual and heaven-minded, but how does being at the center of what God's desires look every day? I’m not sure it means quietly meditating all day long or spending most of the day reading scripture.

If that is what God is leading you to do, go for it.

Those activities don't work well for my soul or, quite frankly, my pocketbook.

About two weeks into my search for God’s desire—for the way for me to delight myself in Him—I began to read once again St. Augustine’s Confessions.

Right there in the first book, first writing, was the answer.

"The thought of you [God] stirs him [humans] so deeply that he cannot be content unless he praises you, because you made us for yourself and our hearts find no peace until they rest in you."

This section is accompanied with Ps. 22:26:

“The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the Lord! May your hearts live forever!” (emphasis added)

WHOA.

What does that say again? "Those who seek him will praise the Lord!"

If I’m to know God’s plans for me, the desires He puts in my heart, I must praise him.

I will find God in my praise.

According to Noah Webster in his 1828 Dictionary of American English, delight is "a high degree of pleasure, or satisfaction of mind; joy." He adds, "'Delight is a more permanent pleasure than joy, and not dependent on sudden excitement.' When we are told to delight ourselves in the Lord, it means, 'to have or take great pleasure; to be greatly pleased or rejoiced.'"

For some, this kind of delight does come with hours of long meditation or reading the Bible, or even retreating away from the everyday world.

I've learned delight is found in praising God, my Lord.

When I do that, I’m at the center of what He made me to do—worship Him. This delighting can take place anytime, anyplace.

I can tell you my path became clearer as to what project to go forward with, what to drop.

I can also tell you I have managed to leave the trail God so carefully marks for me.

How? I forgot to praise Him.

How easy it is.

I ended up where He didn’t want me to be. (I know, God. That's what You told me in the first place, right?)

Getting the reward of our desires is possible with a few steps. These aren’t always easy, but we can repeat them as often as needed.

1. Seek God.

We are told to "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).

We can’t receive from the Lord until we find Him, until we are where He is.

2. Love God.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37).

Once we’ve found God, we fall in love with him. Our natural tendency is to want to please those we love.

3. Commit to God.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act" (Psalm 37:5).

For me this is pivotal.

When I trust God, and let him map the route, I don't have to wonder, "What next?"

4. Delight in God.

As stated in Psalm 37:4, above, delighting in the Lord is key to the fulfillment of desires.

5. Receive from God.

Too often we think the second half of the same verse means when we praise God enough, He’ll give us what we want.

I believe we're being told God will place a desire in our hearts to follow His lead, His plan.

Now that I'm seeking Him once again in my praise, the path is opening up.

I'm finding God's desires right where He left them for me—in praise.

Do you feel as though you’re wandering aimlessly? What do you need to do find God’s desires? How will you delight in the Lord?

Susan K. Stewart is Managing Editor/Nonfiction with Elk Lake Publishing where she teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. Susan’s passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Her books include Science in the Kitchen, Preschool: At What Cost?, Harried Homeschoolers Handbook, and the award-winning Formatting e-Books for Writers. Her latest book, Donkey Devos: Listening When God Speaks, is scheduled to be released spring 2021. You can learn more at her website.  

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Barbara Jackson at Pixabay.

God Is the Expert Question Asker

Kathy Collard Miller's passion is to help Christians trust God more and help others know how much He loves them. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she invites us to explore God's intriguing questions.

Kathy asks: "Do you sometimes wonder if you’ll ever figure out God? Just look at His questions for help."

This past week, I (Dawn) read with sadness about  a Christian leader who says he no longer believes in God. He says there are too many questions about God that are unanswered. But Kathy has an interesting perspective: What about God's questions?

Kathy continues . . .

Some time ago I began to notice how many questions God asked in the Bible—in fact, more than 300 of them! The more I noticed, the more I saw how His questions revealed who He is.

He is working in our lives—motivated by love, care, and goodness.

During this horrible time, we’d love to know the “why”s of what God is doing or allowing. Some clues might be in the questions He asked.

(1) God asked Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9).

They felt ashamed, yet God pursued them, calling out to them. He didn’t shame them or even get angry at them. He calmly inquired with the purpose of helping them see their distrust of Him and their need of a Savior (Genesis 3:15).

The First Couple thought He wanted to destroy them, but He actually wanted to restore fellowship with them.

God spotlighted His forgiving and kind nature.

(2) God asked Joshua, “Have I not commanded you?” (Joshua 1:9).

My husband, Larry, talks about how, if it were up to him, he would have chosen Caleb to be the new leader of the Israelites, because Caleb had natural leadership skills.

But God chose Joshua and had to emphasize, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.” God wasn’t looking for a leader who might depend upon his own strengths.

He assigned Joshua as leader because Joshua knew he needed to look to God—who would then demonstrate His own power.

God asks His question to draw attention to Joshua and the Israelites’s need of God’s characteristic of strength to carry them through.  

(3) Jesus asked the Samaritan Woman (in a telling kind of way), “Give me a drink” (John 4:7).

 Most commentators believe this statement can be regarded as a question, because Jesus gave her a choice.

Jesus reached out to a person most despised by the Jews. Jesus broke the mold of the typical prejudiced Jew and showed compassion for a woman who is the least of the least.

Little by little, He breaks through the walls of her many defenses until she is so thrilled to know the Messiah, she leaves her water pot behind and runs to tell her fellow villagers—who hate her—she has found the Messiah.

Jesus spotlighted His compassion and mercy.

(4) Jesus asked, “What do you think, Simon?” (Matthew 17:25).

Peter (Simon) had just talked with the tax collector, and Peter lied. The disciples hadn’t paid the tax, but Peter said they had.

He was distressed. Jesus addressed his swirling, fearful heart, and helped Peter work through His tumultuous thoughts.

Jesus, a wise counselor, knew the inner workings of Peter’s heart and mind—and ours also.  

In each of these examples—which are only a few of the many in the Bible—God and Jesus reveal their unified nature which includes a multitude of amazing attributes.

• Every single one is in sync with the others in an intricate tapestry of holiness.
• Every question and every interaction with men, women, and children, points to the wonder and awe of God's love, knowledge, power, creativity, faithfulness, and so many other characteristics.
• And each one assures us He is working in our lives—motivated by love, care, and goodness.

What is your favorite quality of God and why is it important to you?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 58 books and her speaking in more than 30 states and nine foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 40 Old Testament Devotions Revealing God’s Nature. Book two in the series is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page. 

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Brightside Creative at Lightstock.

When Circumstances Look Hopeless, Hope Prevails!

Dr. Michelle Bengtson was one of the first "strangers" who reached out to me when I was going through my Myeloma journey in 2019. It didn't take long for me to count her as a new friend. Her posts about hope encouraged me for many months.

In this special Hope UPGRADE, she tells us a little about her own journey, and encourages us to hold onto hope in our own tough circumstances."When everything around me looked hopeless," Michelle says, "hope was all I had to hang onto."

Like Michelle, I (Dawn) believe hope is no small thing to hang onto! It is solid. It can be counted on—because our hope is in the God of Hope!

Michelle continues . . .

My husband and I were on the way to his oncologist appointment. As he drove, my cell phone rang. Across the screen scrolled my doctor’s name and phone number.

Thinking they were just calling to confirm an upcoming appointment I had scheduled, I answered and was greeted with the words no one ever expects nor wants to hear—“I hate to have to tell you this, Dr. Bengtson, but you have cancer. We need to schedule you for surgery.”

Wait. What? This must be a mistake.

They must have the wrong person. I’m healthy.

We’re on our way to see my husband’s doctor. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had been given another bad report, but me?

“Dr. Bengtson? We need to schedule surgery. Would now be a convenient time to do that?”

I could hardly think straight, much less talk on the phone and access my calendar.

“Um, I’m sorry. I’m going to have to call you back.”

As my husband and I sat in the waiting room of his oncologist’s office, we sat in silence, holding hands. Neither of us needed to say anything… we knew what the other was thinking, and words wouldn’t change anything.

In as short as a minute, my mind started going down the “what if?” rabbit trail. But I knew how very counterproductive that usually was.

I had just written my book, “Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises,” and turned it in to my publisher two weeks before.

As I sat in silence, I thought,

“You have just written the script for the next phase of your journey. Either you can go down the slippery slope of worry, fear, and anxiety, or you can choose to trust God and remain in His peace. This did not take God by surprise, and He already knows how He’s going to help you navigate your future.”

In that moment, a calm assurance came over me consistent with Philippians 4:7 (NIV), “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

There was no earthly explanation.

There was no earthly explanation for the peace I felt. It had to have come from God.

As time progressed, I underwent surgery, and began treatment. My approach during that time was different than most. I told my doctor that I didn’t want to know how many treatment cycles she expected, because I didn’t want to wish my life away, waiting for treatment to be over.

I wanted to wake up every day thankful that God gave me a new day, and ask Him how He wanted me to spend it.

As I went through treatment—while my husband dealt with his own cancer—life could have felt very hopeless. Yet through my husband’s first bout of cancer, we were told by doctors to get our affairs in order because he wasn’t going to live.

The doctors were wrong, and God had another plan.

Through that experience, I learned that doctors diagnose and make their best guestimate, but the Lord’s report is the one that I choose to listen to and hold onto.

Jeremiah 29:11 assures us,

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

Because I could look back over my life and see God’s faithfulness so many times before, in this new journey, when life seemed hopeless, hope in God was all I had, and it was enough.

I learned that when live seems hopeless, there are ways to hold onto hope:

1. Think back on your life, and record previous times when God was faithful to you.
2. Look in the Bible for examples of when God was faithful then.
3. Turn off the negative outside influences like the news and media and, instead, listen to praise and worship music.
4. Write down promises in Scripture that apply to your situation.
5. Pray and ask God to give you a greater measure of faith.
6. Repeatedly thank God in advance for what He is going to do.

Jesus warned us that in this world, we would experience trials, but because of Him, hope prevails!

How will you maintain your hope when you face seemingly hopeless situations?

Dr. Michelle Bengtson is an international speaker, and author of the award-winning Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey through Depression, the award-winning companion, Hope Prevails Bible Study, and Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises. A neuropsychologist in private practice for more than 20 years, this doctor knows pain and despair firsthand. She combines her professional expertise and personal experience with her faith to address her patients’ issues—both for those who suffer and the ones who care for them. Michelle blogs regularly on her own site and is the popular podcast show host of “Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson.”