Five Ways to Speak God's Love Language

Debbie W. Wilson always has a fresh perspective on familiar Christian truth. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she reminds us that there are ways we can learn to "speak God's love language."

Debbie says, “My husband doesn’t show me love,” the distraught woman who sat before me complained.

I (Dawn) think that nearly every married woman has thought that from time to time. We just want more and more love—and not only from a spouse! But remember, when we "speak" someone's love language, it isn't always with words.

Debbie continues . . .

This woman’s husband provided for her financially, maintained her car without being asked, vacuumed the house, and cleaned up after supper. But she longed for quality time and deep conversations.

Because acts of service were not her love language, this woman had overlooked her husband’s demonstrations of love.

A hunger to express and experience love runs through the human DNA.

Considering this made me wonder if that need extends to our relationship with God. If so, what are some ways to enhance this love relationship? Does God have a love language?

Hebrews 11:6 says faith is God’s love language.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (NIV).

Did you catch the reciprocal nature of faith as described in this verse? Those who believe in God also believe God rewards them for seeking Him.

Loving Jesus enables us to receive His love. John 14:21 says,

“Those who love me will have my Father’s love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them” (GW).

Let’s look at ways to enhance our love relationship with God.

5 Ways to Speak God’s Love Language

1. Pray

Prayer demonstrates a relationship with God and faith that He is good.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:7-11 NIV).

2. Demonstrate Trust through Thanksgiving

Gratitude demonstrates faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. It shows I believe He is bigger than my mistakes and the wrongs I’ve endured (Rom. 8:28).

Faith allows me to pray with thanksgiving before I see God’s answer (Phil. 4:6-8).

A large ministry fired an honorable young man without cause. His mother wrestled with God over this betrayal. Before the year was out, a scandal hit the press concerning those who’d mistreated her son.

“God spared my son,” she said. “And I’d thought He’d forgotten him.”

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this” (1 Thes. 5:18 GW).

3. Worship

Worship shows we believe He is worthy of our devotion and reminds us He’s bigger than anything clamoring for our time and attention.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything” (Ps. 46:10 The Message).

4. Obey

Obedience demonstrates love and faith (Jn. 14:15-16).

“Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me” (Jn. 14:21 GW).

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 Jn. 5:3 NIV).

5. Live Clean

Receiving and appreciating our forgiveness shows faith in Jesus and increases our love for Him (1 Jn. 1:9, Titus 2:14).

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love” (Luke 7:47 NLT).

Through faith we express our love to God and experience His love in return.

Every step we take in faith causes God’s heart to sing. 

Does your relationship with God need a boost? Consider the list above. Which one needs your attention?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kalhh at Pixabay.

'Squirrel Distractions'—During Prayer

In this Prayer UPGRADE, Dawn writes about her experiences with distractions—which bother her most when she's praying!

Some of the funniest dog humor is about "squirrel distractions." Perhaps you've seen some of the funny memes about a dog that is one minute intently obeying his master... and then the next minute is bounding off after a scampering squirrel.

I've been easily distracted like that since early childhood. In elementary school, my wind wandered off all the time. Teachers scolded me, and I had to learn how to keep my mind on a tight leash.

As I got into high school, I tried to understand whether God made my random, easily distracted brain this way—or if my crazy brain circuitry is one way my body is affected by The Fall (Genesis 3).

Regardless, I know the Lord understands my struggle.

By the time I got to college, I was still highly distracted. In classes, I wrote everything down, just to survive.

I once challenged a professor who had placed a question on a test. He misquoted what he said in class.  The test did not align with what he actually said, so everyone answered the question wrong. When questioned about that, my professor was adamant that the class must not have heard him correctly.

But I (not so humbly) proved him wrong with my copious class notes—much to my classmates' delight.

I continued to write countless lists and take notes—becoming a "detail person"—to get through college and then, motherhood.

I think I'm a lot like the awkward disciple Matthew in the hit series, The Chosen. And yet—look how Jesus used him!

Whether at work or play, I live by lists, and lots and lots of note-taking.

In church, I've always taken detailed notes so I won't be distracted by the pretty lady's hairdo in the row across from me, or the man tapping his knuckles on the pew.

But my greatest frustration spiritually—the thing that breaks my heart about my walk with God—is that I get sooooo distracted in PRAYER.

I believe Satan delights in this. He loves it when I'm praying, and suddenly I'm thinking about groceries I need to buy, or other lesser things.

There are so many untamed quirrels running around in my brain.

But over time, I've found a few simple solutions that help. I wondered if they might also help others—those who are easily distracted in prayer, or simply those who'd like to focus more.

There are all kinds of ways to pray. Some are short bursts, like Peter's "Lord, save me!" when he was walking on the water and began to sink (Matthew 14:30). But most of us would like to have extended prayer times, and it's important to be attentive.

Four Ways to Be More Attentive in Prayer

1. Seek Out Quiet.

That means, turn off the TV and other noisy distractions.

For me, it even means turning off Christian music, because even though music might be conducive to prayer for others, I end up taking way too long listening and singing instead of praying. Sometimes I give up the prayer time altogether. (Everyone is different in regard to that.)

When I shut out as many sound distractions as I can, I'm better able to focus on talking to God. I have to tell all the noisy squirrels, "BE STILL!"

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10a). "Be still before the LORD...." (Psalm 37:7a).

Begin to be still by asking the Holy Spirit to calm your mind and prepare your heart. Focus on the second part of Psalm 46:10—"know that I am God."

3. Remember You're in a Conversation.

Sometimes when I'm distracted, I feel like I'm praying AT God rather than conversing WITH Him.

Prayer is simply talking with God.

Prayer for prayer's sake accomplishes little or nothing. But prayer as a means to talk to God and draw closer to Him accomplishes much! Prayer is more about the attitude of the heart than the words we pray.

Most of the time, we might close our eyes to prevent distractions. But sometimes I have kept my eyes open and looked at a "picture of Jesus" or even an empty chair so I can better visualize being in God's presence.

What helps me is to pray aloud. It's much easier to catch myself getting off track when I hear the prayer rather than "thinking" it.

R. A. Torrey said,

"If we would pray aright, the first thing we should do is to see to it that we really get an audience with God, that we really get into His very presence. ...

"we should have the definite consciousness that we are talking to God, and should believe that He is listening and is going to grant the thing that we ask of Him."

We need to be convinced that prayer is the most important conversation in our day. He will meet us when we call on Him.

"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth" (Psalm 145:18).

3. Write As You Pray.

Have you ever noticed that when you write something down, you hone in on what is important?

When I write, I focus better.

I often write down my actual prayer to God. (Usually, I use paper. But I've been known to "write" the words on my hand with a finger, or on my table as I pray.)

Some call this "journaling" our prayers. Writing helps us remember all God has done and is able to do. I simply find it a way to focus and "cast" all my concerns on Him (1 Peter 5:7).

4. Pray God's Attributes.

When all else fails, I pause and start thanking God for His marvelous attributes.

As I said, I'm a list person; and the discipline of listing God's attributes (His love, mercy, goodness, wisdom, power, etc.) helps me remember who He is—remember Who I am talking to.

Then I key off those attibutes.

For example:

• God is wise, so I can ask Him to help me make a medical decision.
• God is merciful, so I can come to Him and confess a besetting sin.
• God is sovereign, so I can intentionally commit to trust Him regarding a difficulty in my life.

God reveals His many attributes in scripture, so I need to study who He is in the Word of God. (It's helpful to think about the names of God too.)

As I get further along in my prayer, I can expand to a prayer list or gratitude list, or things God speaks to me about that I want to research later.

But I need to be careful. Sometimes even simple prayer requests can send me down rabbit holes of distraction. I might jump from a prayer request ... to a memory ... to any number of things.

TIP: Jot down one or two words about the distracting thought and get back to praying!

5. End the Conversation.

I've been known (too often) to simply trail off in my conversation with God and start something else. One day I thought about how that might look if I did that to a human.

It's SAD... and RUDE!

I decided I want to end each conversation well. I tell the Lord how much I love Him, and recommit to obeying Him throughout the day.

Just as I would with a good friend, I've even said, "I'll talk with you again later!"

Be Intentional

I know that many of the things I've mentioned as "distractions" are not wrong in and of themselves—and they may not distract you at all. The point is, we need to be intentional about our focus on prayer.

Sometimes I do listen to Christian music or pull out a hymnal and meditate on the words of great hymns. Or I read Christian books as a launching pad to understanding more about God's will and ways. There are so many positive activities with spiritual purpose that can be incorporated into a devotional time that includes extended prayer.

But this I know:  I always need to CARE enough about prayer to PREPARE.

Or else my prayer time might go something like this: 

"Dear Father God ... oh, wait ... squirrel!"

What are some of the ways you prepare to focus on talking to God? What tends to distract you most?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, and the creator this blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts, and writes wiki-type posts as a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Taken to the Brink of Death

Yvonne Ortega has survived many tough circumstances in her life, and the Lord taught her powerful lessons through each trial. In this Prayer UPGRADE, she shares a personal story of desperation, and how God answered her prayers.

“After the remediation and restoration of my home, I expected to feel better," Yvonne says. "Instead, I became sicker and sicker. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I felt nauseated, dizzy, and worn out.”

When I (Dawn) read that, I thought, "Wow! What was wrong?" Does that make you curious too?

Yvonne continues . . .

For two and a half years, the mystery continued. Some strange smell overpowered me. No one seemed to smell it but me.

I needed help and couldn’t wait much longer.

So what did I do?

1. I prayed day and night.

I prayed and claimed God’s promise in the Bible:

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5, NASB 1995).

"God, I’m not making this up! Please tell me what’s wrong with my house.

"I’m on the brink of death. I’ve lost twenty-five pounds. My clothes hang on my body. I’m doubled over in pain. I can hardly stand up, much less walk. I need your wisdom!"

2. I called my primary care physician.

When the receptionist answered, I managed—between sobs—to get the words out:  “No more virtual appointments. Somebody has to see me.” I described all of my symptoms.

It was just before Christmas. Nothing was available except for a virtual appointment on January 5, 2021, and an in-person one on January 25, 2021.

I took both.

Meanwhile, I continued to pray that God would bring me answers.

The first answer from God came through the man who came over to rake leaves before Christmas. He found two gas leaks in the gas line to the generator.

The gas company couldn’t fix the two leaks because they were on a private line. A qualified technician fixed them immediately.

When the doctor heard my story, he believed me and ordered a thorough check of my home. That check revealed that every single valve on the gas line was loose.

I was being slowly poisoned to death in my own home.

No wonder I couldn’t stand the smell of any food preparation on my gas stove.

I also had gas heat and couldn’t tolerate the smell from the vents. That odor kept me from turning on the gas fireplace. During that cold winter, I bundled up, kept the stove and heat off as much as possible, and prayed for a miracle in my home.

It should have been my refuge.

3. I thanked God.

I thanked Him for every single person He brought to encourage, support, and lead me back to health.

He used many.

• A friend sent me a link to symptoms of gas poisoning. I had all of them but one and took the information to my specialists.
• The doctor asked about a mammogram, which I had already scheduled. He referred me to the lab and radiology for several blood tests, a stomach CT scan, a bone scan, and an appointment with the gastroenterologist for a complete examination. After all the tests, the preparation for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy, and then the two procedures, I felt wiped out for a week.
• The gastroenterologist sent tissue to the lab for three biopsies. The nurse was to call me if everything was okay. The doctor would call if a serious health problem showed up.

A week later, my phone rang. It was the doctor. My legs felt like Jell-O®.

However, he said, “I’ve called with good and bad news."

I expected the effects of the gas leaks to be, at the least, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Crohn’s disease. I burst into words of gratitude and praise to God that it was neither one.

“I was looking for cancer," he said. "You didn’t have it. You had one polyp, which I removed. It was aggressive and would have turned to cancer. You’re a miracle.”

He talked to me about diet, rest, and slowing down my pace.

My church, prayer partners, and others have surrounded me with reminders of another promise in God’s word:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV).

Without God’s wisdom and love poured into me, and those God used to help me, I would have died in my home.

I'm so glad I prayed.

What will you pray for this week?

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward (paperback, Kindle) and Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Kindle), both available here. She not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Find out more about Yvonne on her writing page.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Isabella and Zsa Fischer at Unsplash.

Lessons Learned on My Kneeling Prayer Pillow

Yvonne Ortega, author of a series of books—Moving from Broken to Beautiful®—wants women to know how to cope biblically when struggles come. In this Prayer UPGRADE, she encourages us to turn to the Lord when trials come.

Yvonne says, “I fell to my knees on my kneeling prayer pillow and said, ‘God, I feel helpless. What can I do?”

I (Dawn) have felt helpless many times. When alone in a struggle. When it seemed I was doomed to fail no matter my choice. After a terrible diagnosis. But in every case, time with the Lord lifted my burden and enabled me to move forward with peace and joy.

Yvonne continues . . .

“I had a radical mastectomy,” my cousin told me on the phone.

My mind went back to the wonderful visit we enjoyed the previous summer. I blew kisses to her and her husband and said, “I’ll see you next summer.”

Little did we know a pandemic would strike and change our plans. Her health would also change.

The following week after my cousin’s call about her surgery, I called to check on her. She told me her younger sister had something similar to a stroke. It caused weakness in one leg and difficulty speaking.

My cousin reminded me that her younger sister had been born with Arterial Vascular Malfunction, which caused the “stroke.”

“Without daily physical therapy and exercise on her own, she’ll be paralyzed.”

She asked me to call her younger sister “because she’s religious like you are.” Before I did that, I fell to my knees again.

“Oh, dear God, I feel more and more helpless. I’m a thousand miles away and cannot travel. Both of their parents passed away years ago. What can I do? What can I say? Please God, show me.”

That same week, I made numerous attempts to reach my elderly aunt and uncle. They live in a senior community in an independent living suite. When my cell phone rang, I could see they were the ones calling me. At the sight of a big smile on my uncle’s face, I smiled, too, and felt relieved.

Then, my aunt said, “We’re quarantined to our rooms again.” 

“What happened?” I asked.

“One of the residents died from COVID-19.”

My heart raced.

When we hung up, I headed to my kneeling prayer pillow again.

“God, if the coronavirus doesn’t end soon, I’ll wear out my kneeling prayer pillow and need knee replacement surgery. What can I do for my aunt and uncle? You must have something you want to teach me.”

Here are three lessons God is teaching me about how I am to pray.

1. I am to praise the Lord.

The psalmist wrote,

“Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life” (Psalm 146:1–2a NIV).

I noticed that passage didn’t read, “Praise the Lord only when you receive good news.” It simply told me to praise the Lord. I needed to spend time in praise to the Sovereign Lord because of who he is.

The passage also told me that my SOUL is to praise the Lord.

I wondered why it didn’t read body and soul until I read Matthew 10:28. Before Jesus sent out his disciples, he told them,

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28).

The soul lives on. It is eternal.

2. I am to sing for joy to the Lord.

When I read Psalm 95, I stared at it and read it slowly. I read it a second time and pointed to each word.

“Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker” (Psalm 95:1 and 6).

I am not to sing for happiness but for joy.

Happiness depends on earthly pleasures or good luck. Joy is eternal. I can sing for joy because God is my Rock and my Maker.

And there’s that word, again, “kneel.”

I bow down in worship and kneel before him. He is the Creator. I am the created.

3. I am to pray with a heart of thanksgiving.

In Philippians 4: 6, Paul wrote,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

This third lesson is still in progress in my life.

Do I pray with thanksgiving because I expect God to say “Yes” to my requests?
Do I pray with thanksgiving so that God will think He must meet my expectations?

My answer is “Sometimes” to both questions.

• I struggle to surrender my will to His.
• I pray with thanksgiving because God knows the big picture.
• I trust Him to do what is best in the long run.

How will you pray this week?

Yvonne Ortega walks with a small footprint but leaves a giant imprint in people’s lives. She is the author of the Moving from Broken to Beautiful® Series through cancer, forgiveness, and grief. Yvonne speaks with honesty and humor as she shares her life and struggles to help women find peace, power, and purpose through God’s Word. She celebrates life at the beach where she walks, builds sand castles, blows bubbles, and dances. For more information about Yvonne, visit her website.

Graphic of Pillow Cover Case adapted (original without the words). It can be purchased — CaliTime Cozy Bolster Pillow Cover Case at Amazon.

Silencing the Whisper of Fear

Cathy Horning is a woman of wisdom and prayer, informed by her knowledge of the Word and ways of God. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she exposes the enemy of fear—how it attacks our thought life—and how we can learn to face down our fears in positive ways.

“Fear’s whisper plants a seed in our thoughts," Cathy says, quoting a friend. "Then fear continues it’s whispers to take over our whole mind.”

I (Dawn) know the power of an unauthorized thought. Unless challenged with truth—and taking our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5)—fear takes over and affects our attitudes and actions!

Cathy continues . . .

Recently, I read this Facebook post:

“So who else here starts freaking out if you have a little tickle in your throat or cough a few times?  I think we are all going to have some MAJOR PTSD from this stupid COVID! Go away... we don't want you anymore!”

Dozens responded to my friend’s post. Including me.

You see, I understand the scare of the throat tickle and cough, because the first few weeks of 2020 I was sick. Really sick.

It started with tummy troubles, then chills, a fever, then a dry cough that turned into a deep one, with tightness in my chest. The worst part of all, though, was a weakness that just wouldn't go away.

After six weeks, I went to the doctor, which revealed only a vitamin D deficiency. 

I chalked it up to a winter flu.

At the time, there were no daily news reports to whisper fear into me with terms like "plague," "pandemic," "coronavirus" or "COVID-19."

But as tummy troubles, fatigue, lethargy and more turned into a deep, tight chest cough, I felt fear’s whisper as I remembered my battle with pneumonia the year before. I recognized fear’s poisonous voice, andA immediately, I began the battle to silence its control.

1. I silenced the whispers of fear with PRAYER!

A Prayer of Surrender from Romans 12:1 —

“Father, I offer my body to You as a living sacrifice. Sanctify me through and through, and make me holy and pleasing to You. Teach me how to live every breath of my life in worship service to You.”

A Prayer of Trust from Daniel 5:23d —

“I honor You, dear Lord God! I thank You that You hold in Your hand my life and all of my ways!”

A Prayer for Healing from Mark 16:18 and Romans 8:11 —

“Thank you Jesus, You said that believers will lay hands on the sick and they will recover. So, Lord, I lay my hands on my sick body and I ask for You to heal me.” 

And, “Abba Father, thank You that the same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead is living in me. So, please let Your indwelling Holy Spirit quicken and give life to my mortal body, now!”

2. I silenced the whispers of fear with SELF-CARE!

As every part of my body grew weaker, I knew I had neglected my own health during the holidays.

• I had become lazy about taking my daily vitamins.
• I ate too many holiday treats.
• And, routine exercise had flown out the window.

Experience told me that neglecting any one of these was deadly on my immune system.

I knew I needed to take better care of myself.

• I restocked my vitamins, adding D and C, and faithfully took them each day.
• I stopped eating sugary snacks—almost completely.
• And, I began to walk often, a little more each day, as my strength gradually returned. 

3. I silenced the whispers of fear by LIMITING what I watched and read, as well as HEEDING the wisdom and instruction of those I trusted!

As I healed, some symptoms lingered for several more weeks, especially at night. Each time, fear’s whispers were fueled by the daily COVID reports, as well as by any ache, throat tickle or cough.

So, I silenced the whispers of fear by turning off the news and scrolling past the social media posts which fed the fear and anxiety.

Plus, I embraced the resources I read and learned about from others.

• I used good old Vicks (vapor rub and lozenges) for little coughs and throat tickles.
• I started each day with hot showers and pounding on my chest and back. It couldn’t hurt, right?
• And, I saved posts about old-fashioned respiratory therapy exercises, often used before modern medicines and machines.

When I wrote my last UPGRADE post—right after the shut down had begun—we all hoped it would end quickly. Now, here we are six months later.

Our world turned upside-down.

The whispers of fear have traumatized many, as my friend’s earlier post described. However, we don’t have to fall victim to fear’s control.

Each time we hear its whisper, we can run to the Lord in prayer. We can take care of ourselves with right eating, purposeful exercise, and immune boosting vitamins. And, we can turn off the incessant bad news, and, instead, utilize helpful information we find from reliable sources.

As our weeks have turned into months of restrictions and shutdowns, I still fight to silence the whispers of fear.

I wear masks and sanitize my hands. I am careful when I am out. And, I pray, a lot. I am taking care of my heath the best I can. And, I carefully choose what I read, listen to, and watch.

I know fear’s whisper would take over my mind, if I let it.

How about you? Do you recognize fear’s whispers? How do you silence this quiet enemy who longs to control your mind?

Cathy Horning is a popular speaker, Bible teacher, mentor, blogger and author. She is first and foremost a wife, mom and grammy, who passionately loves to teach and encourage others in faith, marriage and parenting, as well as how to delight daily in the Word of God. Visit Cathy's website for more information.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Moni McKein at Pixabay.