When Only a 'Pat' Will Do

In this Encouragement UPGRADE, Dawn shares what she's learned about a simple method of "communication" that helps us encourage others—beyond words, or even when words won't come.

Since my diagnosis, I've found that people don't always know what to say to me. Some find it awkward to converse about my health changes. Others even avoid me, not knowing what to say.

But my husband has taught me an important lesson. Over and over in my health "adventure," he knows he can't "fix" my problems, and he's a man of few words—unless he's teaching or preaching! But Bob reaches out and pats me on the arm if we're standing or on my knee if we're sitting.

It's as if only a "pat" will do at the time. But it is enough. And here's why.

1. A pat says, "I'm here."

There's simply nothing like "presence" to comfort and encourage.

I've heard of spouses who leave their mate in times of distress or tragedy, and that is horribly sad. But I've found great solace in knowing that Bob has been present with me throughout this myeloma journey and every "side trip" (like bronchitis this week).

Presence matters.

God's presence matters most of all. Sometimes, when life seems puzzling, I feel like Father God reaches down to "pat" me with His presence and give me peace. He might bring a scripture verse to mind, or give me some marching orders for my day. Most of all, it's comforting to acknowledge that He will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5b; Psalm 94:14).

God is with us in all our struggles and needs, and even if He feels far, far away.

2. A pat says, "I'm here and I care."

There's a certain tenderness that comes with a gentle pat of encouragement.

The one reaching out to us loves us, and out of that love flows compassion.

When Bob and I attended my Grandpa Webb's funeral—enroute from Michigan to our new home—my grandmother was surprised to see me. For a while, I watched as people began to offer condolences. (Some of the things I heard were not comforting at all!)

Weary, Grandma sat down. I smiled at her and sat down beside her.

I didn't say a word for the rest of the time as people came by—some expressing love, some offering not-too-helpful advice, some not knowing what to say. I simply held her hand and patted it from time to time until Bob said we had to get on our way.

Later, Grandma wrote to tell me that she was the most comforted by my almost-wordless presence and the tenderness of my touch, my "little pats."

It's so comforting to me to know that Father God is always watching over us, and He sees us in our pain and understands (Psalm 31:7; 34:18; 56:8). God reaches out in love to tell us He cares. As Casting Crowns sings, "Your pain may run deep. His love runs deeper still."

We can take all our burdensome anxieties to God, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Every need, every burden, every fear, every anxiety—take them all to God.

I like what Dr. Michelle Bengtson wrote, in The Hem of His Garment: "He's a God who stops and bends his ear to listen to our heartfelt cries." How wonderful and touching that our God listens and cares.

3. A pat says, "I'm here to tell you I appreciate you."

Like a pat on the back that says "good job," sometimes a pat can mean, "I see how you are dealing with this, and I appreciate you." Or even, "I admire you."

I've received many pats like this over the past five year as I've shared the highs and lows of my health journey

• It's encouraging to know that someone sees that you're trying to live biblically even in tough times.
• It's motivating to know that others are watching, and it matters that we persevere in courage through God's strength.

God's pats of appreciation might come to us in many ways, directly or through others—like words of gratitude from people who say you helped them through your ministry, or through words of encouragement you shared with them.

And here's another thing: the believer looks forward to a wonderful "pat" when God rewards for faith and obedience. It only begins with God's, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

4. A pat says, "I'm here to help you, if I can."

Sometimes a person who is struggling can't tell you in the moment what they need when you ask, "How can I help?"

People might go ahead and take care of some your needs (anticipating them), but their little pats can tell you they are people you might be able to count on in a pinch.

A pat can say, "I'm here to help you, if I can, however I can, whenever I can, and if you will let me."

Some words can be fruitless, but a pat—with or without words—can make you feel that a person genuinely wants to help. (I have to admit that some people may give you a little pat as a way of escaping involvement; but that's not true with faithful friends.)

And speaking of faithful friends, Father God is our Helper, our Jehovah Ezer.

Psalm 28:7 says that when we place our hopes in God, trusting Him, we find help. Our faithful Father does not abandon us, but He helps us through the difficulties of our journey (Psalm 121). When we confidently come to His throne of grace, we find the help we need and do not need to be afraid (Hebrews 4:16; 13:6).

Sometimes only a "pat" will do, but it is quite often more than enough.

When has a pat from someone encouraged you? How might you share a little pat with someone today? 

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

When Christmas Doesn't Feel 'Christmasy'

Sally Ferguson is wise and caring, and both traits combine to make her a superb encourager. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she reaches out to those who might hurt at Christmas by offering wise counsel from a compassionate heart.“Financial distress. Health scares. Job insecurity. Family discord. When circumstances take you out of your security zone you can feel tossed at sea,” Sally said.

A note from Dawn: As a teenager, I heard the Elvis Presley song "Blue Christmas," and at age 14 I wondered, "Why would anyone not have a happy Christmas?" Fast forward not too many years and I discovered many reasons—both cultural and personal in origin. Sally recognizes that too, and she offers wise counsel to combat "Christmas-time blues."

Sally continues . . .

The "boat ride" we experience caring for my ninety-year-old father can leave us numb, even at Christmas.

I no longer panic when heading to the Emergency Room because hospital stays have become the norm. I just grab Dad’s medication info, a book to read, a bottle of water, snacks, and my phone charger.

Maybe you’ve experienced times of feeling down during the holidays. You try to get in a festive spirit but end up deflated instead.

In fact, there may be more people who can relate than you realize.

In a survey conducted by National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “Approximately 755 of overall respondents reported that the holidays contribute to feeling sad or dissatisfied and 68% financially strained. 66% have experienced loneliness, 63% too much pressure and 57% unrealistic expectations. 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past contrasting with the present, while 50% were unable to be with loved ones.”

How can we battle feeling discouraged during a season when we’re supposed to be full of happiness?

Here are some ways I combat the Christmas blues.

1. Enlist help. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Decorating, cooking, and cleaning multiply during the holidays. One of the ways we tackle the job of decorating is with a family tree trimming party.

Ornaments go up and cookies get washed down with homemade eggnog.

My sister pitches in with the baking and washing dishes.

Why not treat yourself to an early Christmas present by paying a college student or a grandchild to manage some of the household chores? It’s a win for both when your to-do list gets shortened, and they get some spending money for the holidays.

2. Manage expectations. (Psalm 46:10)

When you think about it, redecorating the house for one month seems ludicrous. I’ve amassed trinkets, wall art, couch pillows, mugs, scented candles, sleigh bells, yard ornaments, and a sundry collection to doll up my house.

At some point, we have to divvy up our treasures to bless others.

And some years, we don’t have to use the entire ensemble to usher in the season. Adjust according to your needs.

Be still and acknowledge God. Allow Him to help you manage your expectations.

3. Make time for fun. (Proverbs 23:4a)

Put aside your list for something you’ll enjoy.

• Drive to a Christmas light display with the grands and say “ooo" and "aah” with each exchange of wow factor.
• Go on a sleigh ride and feel the cold air in your lungs. If you live in a warm climate, take a nighttime boat ride down the canal to see the boats lit up in their finery.
• Watch a favorite Christmas movie and celebrate with popcorn.
• Take a break from shopping with a treat from the coffee shoppe.

Pace yourself! Do not "wear yourself out."

4. Run back to our Abba. (Ephesians 5:29)

We can take great comfort in God’s Word. Scripture is full of reminders that God is for us and God is with us; and our Abba wants us to take care of our bodies.

Maybe you’re cruising along well with the holidays, but do you have a friend who is dragging? What can you do to help? (Proverbs 3:27)

Here are some ways you might encourage your friend:

• Drop in with flowers and tea.
• Include her in your shopping trip.
• Send a verse and a word of encouragement.
• Bring a hug and a listening ear.
• Wrap presents together and listen to carols.
• Bake Christmas cookies together.
• Tackle an item on her list.

Sometimes the best encouragement is an emoji in a text. It lets the person know you’re there and you care.

When you meet another at her point of need, you are an ambassador for the Babe who arrived at Christmas. You're the one who represents Jesus in the flesh—our Emmanuel who cares about every detail we face.

This Christmas, whether you have “all the feels” or not, may you know without a doubt you are important to the One who created you. He loves you so much that His Son died on the cross that you might have a full and abundant life (John 10:10).

Rejoice in this great truth:

“I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11 NASB).

Which tip to combat the Christmas blues seems doable to you?

Sally Ferguson lives in western New York with her husband, and her dad. She writes to shine hope in darkness and often does so by revealing her own struggles. Sally’s latest article released December 1^st in Michelle Rayburn’s collective, Renewed Christmas Blessings. Visit her website at sallyferguson.net to see other work and to get a copy of her mom’s famous eggnog!

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Larisa Koshkina at Pixabay.

Colliding with My Destiny from God

Joanie Shawhan's ministry reflects who she is—an optimist, wise, secure in her relationship with God, and reaching out to others in need. In this Discernment UPGRADE, she shares about her health crisis and offers encouraging words for those who wonder how to go forward in their own tough circumstance."A crisis of any kind," Joanie says, "is an unwelcome intrusion upon my very well-orchestrated plans."

Oh, I (Dawn) identify with that! But I also identify with what Joanie discovered: the "intrusion" is often God's "motivation" for fresh and meaningful ministry.

Joanie continues . . .

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, little did I know how cancer would change the course of my life. I searched for other survivors. But there were no support groups or Gilda's clubs.

Were there any survivors?

A friend gave me a journal to write about my cancer experience. Eventually, I wrote the book In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer which includes my story and the stories of eleven other women with cancer diagnoses. My hope was that other women would be encouraged by our stories.

But destiny didn't begin with a published book.

A friend invited me to a writing conference where the Lord connected me with other Christian writers and provided a place where I could hone my skills since I had no previous writing experience.

My friend also started a writing group where we critiqued and encouraged one another on our writing journeys.

During this season of writing and learning, I discovered an ovarian cancer camp in Missoula, Montana. There I met other survivors who connected me with the Wisconsin Ovarian Cancer Alliance (WOCA).

Through WOCA, other survivor and I shared our ovarian cancer stories with medical students in a program called Survivors Teaching Students. We hope the students will recognize the symptoms of ovarian cancer so they can diagnose it in the earlier stages.

We also started a local ovarian cancer social group: The Fried Eggs—Sunny-Side Up. We meet monthly, sponsor speakers of interest, and participate in fundraisers.

Writing a book and sharing my story opened doors to radio, television, and podcast interviews. I have also contributed to numerous Christian compilations and devotional books.

I never planned on being an author or speaker.

I never anticipated that a cancer diagnosis would be my collision with God's destiny for me.

Discernment in Our Unexpected Circumstances

How can we discern if our unexpected circumstances are leading us into God's destiny for us?

1. Pray.

When I was told I had cancer, I didn't know what to do. I cried out, God, I need your help.

I'm reminded of Jehoshaphat when he ws surrounded by powerful armies. He prayed, "We do not know what to do, but we are looking to ou for help" (2 Chronicles 20:12 NLT). Jehoshaphat knew only God could help him.

Cancer was too big for me, and only God could help me too.

2. Obey God.

As a nurse, I had watched my patients suffer the devastating side effects of chemotherapy. I vowed I would never take those drugs. But I sensed the Lord telling me, Go through the process. That meant chemotherapy.

I recall the Lord's words to Jehoshaphat,

"Do not be afraid or discouraged. . . for the Lord is with you!" (2 Chronicles 20:17 NLT).

If I had refused to obey God and not go through chemotherapy, I would not have written a book, spoken to medical students, or advocated for the amazing women I've met along this journey.

3. Praise God.

I may have been blindsided by cancer, but God was not. Jesus is still Lord.

Even in the messy middle, Jehoshaphat appointed the singers to go before the army singing, "Give thanks to the Lord; his faithful love endures forever!" (2 Chronicles 20:21 NLT)

Jehoshaphat didn't know how the Lord would bring about the victory, but he believed in God's promises and faithfulness. The battle was too big.

My battle was too big for me too. But God would be faithful to me just like he was for Jehoshaphat.

4. Trust God.

I was helpless to change my situation. I had no idea how God oculd bring anything good out of something so destructive.

As I reflect on the path God chose for me, I see the steppingstones that led me to my destiny. Each step could stand alone, but together they led me along a path to being a published author and an avocate for ovarian cancer survivors.

Like Jehoshaphat, I need to watch how God's plan unfolds. Then I will see how God brings about His purposes and plans for my life.

"God is faithful [He is reliable, trustworthy and ever true to His promise—He can be depended on]" (1 Corinthians 1:9 AMP).

Sometimes it's the unexpected circumstances in our lives that lead us into our destiny in Christ.

"For we are His workmanshipo, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10 NKJV).

In what ways has God used the circumstances of your life to direct you into His plans and purposes?

Joanie Shawhan shares true-life stories, offering her reader an eyewitness view of the action. Her Selah Awards Finalist book, In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer, reflects the value of "Your story plus my story become our stories." An ovarian cancer survivor and registered nurse, Joanie speaks to medical students in the Survivors Teaching Students program. She co-founded an ovarian cancer social group: The Fried Eggs—Sunny-Side Up. Publishing credits include: Guideposts Divine Interventions; Snapshots of Hope & Heart; Sage, Salt & Sunshine; Life Repurposed; and We May Be Done But We're Not Finished. Follow Joanie at joanieshawhan.com.

Graphic adapted, from an ad on Amazon for an ovarian cancer decal.

Keep on Comforting and Encouraging

This is something that I shared on Facebook on December 17th. I want to share it here as well—and expand on it a bit—because I think we all need a Compassion UPGRADE.

I've been "watching" someone who has suffered for a long time. As the years go by, some of her friends have fallen away, because it's awkward to them that nothing changes. It's so sad.

Confession Time

I "fell away" from encouraging a friend years ago too—a grieving brother in the family of God—because:

1. I got busy in life;
2. I didn't know what else I could say. I didn't know how to keep on encouraging him as he was hurting . . . and it went on and on for years.

So I just prayed—which wasn't bad, but it wasn't enough.

I could have reached out more.

The longer I didn't write to encourage him, the worse I felt. The harder it got.

I reasoned that I didn't want to be like one of Job's unhelpful counselors, doing more damage than helping.

But the truth is, there were many ways I could have expressed God's (and my) loving concern.

It wasn't that I didn't love my brother in Christ; I just didn't know how to "relate" to his suffering anymore.

I understand now that I could have continued to share simple truths:

• "I'm still praying for you," or
• "God sees and loves you."

I could have spoken God's truth into his pain from a caring heart.

I could have asked him, "How can I pray specifically for you today—physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually?" I even could have sent resources to remind Him I cared.

I learned that lesson the hard way, and it made me more sensitive to "continue" to encourage others who hurt.

We never know how God might use our words or actions to encourage others. If we take time to think about it, there are many ways to comfort those who struggle.

When we're with them, we might take their hands in ours, look them in the eyes, and say, "I love you and I'm praying for you."

Sometimes, it's just a matter of sitting with them in their times of grief or pain.

A woman once told me the most meaningful thing that happened to her all day at a funeral for her husband was that I simply sat beside her and held her hand for an hour . . . no words, just my presence.

Keep on comforting and encouraging—any way you can!

One other thing. I am thankful the Bible says we have a friend who "sticks" with us, closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). He never leaves us, and He knows how to comfort us in our struggles. We may feel he has deserted us in our circumstances, but the promise is "He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you" (Deut. 31:8b NLT).

Sometimes it's "no words" . . . just God's wonderful presence.

How about you? Is there someone you might encourage today? Someone you once encouraged, but you've been busy, or maybe you fretted over what to say?

Why not simply stop right now and write to or tell that person you care and are praying? It will mean a lot.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of AlexasFotos at Pixabay.

A Certain Hope for Uncertain Times

Kathi Macias has become one of my go-to friends for biblical wisdom applied in practical ways. In this Encouragement UPGRADE, she reminds us circumstances may change, but our hope is in our God who never changes.

"My favorite scenario is that Jesus will arrive and scoop us up before the going gets REALLY tough," Kathi says, "but Jesus Himself told us that no one knows the day or the hour when He will return."

I (Dawn) admit that I'm also hoping Jesus returns... SOON! As our culture disintegrates, sometimes my heart fills with fear. But then I fix my eyes on Jesus, and something else too—which Kathy writes about here.

Kathi continues . . .

I’ve noticed that a lot of people tend to be dividing into two different camps lately:

• those who run around pulling their hair and screaming that the sky is falling, and
• those who have no clue, nor do they care what’s going on beyond their own little self-developed bubble.

This wouldn’t disturb me so much if it were strictly unbelievers reacting this way, but even some Christians seem caught up in one or the other of these behaviors.

I have a tendency to lean toward the screamers, since I too sense we are living in perilous times.

But then again, when in history have times not been perilous, at least somewhere in the globe?

Of course, I don’t want to discount prophecy, and it’s difficult not to listen to the news and try to line it up with Scripture.

But whether we’re in the last days, the next-to-last days, or the last of the last days—

Is stocking up on peanut butter and toilet paper really what we are called to do as Christians?

All right, I admit that I’m of practical German stock, and I like the feeling of security I get from being out of debt and having enough canned soup on hand to last me until the millennium—just in case.

My favorite scenario is that Jesus will arrive and scoop us up before the going gets REALLY tough, but Jesus Himself told us that no one knows the day or the hour when He will return. The only thing we can know for certain is that He WILL come . . . and when He does, it will be at the perfect time.

So where does that leave us, particularly as we work our way through 2021, with looming economic problems, virus vaccines and lockdowns, and uncertainty at every turn?

It leaves us in exactly the same place as when things were going more smoothly and everything seemed right within our own little world. It wasn’t right, of course; it only seemed that way because our personal life situation wasn’t threatened.

And that’s the point.

People have lived with threats and wars and terrorism and economic instability since Adam and Eve were exiled from the Garden.

Might we be living at the end of the age, when everything comes to a head and Jesus really does return? Most certainly.

Then again…

It really doesn’t matter, for how we live is not to be based on what we think tomorrow might bring, but rather on what God has called us to do TODAY.

• “Every commandment which I command you TODAY you must be careful to observe…” (Deuteronomy 8:1, emphasis added).
• “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for THE DAY is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34, emphasis added).
• “TODAY, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts” (Hebrews 3:7-8, emphasis added).

We are called to be faithful TODAY—not to lament our failures of yesterday or fret about tomorrow.

If we are true believers, then we are to be about the Father’s business, as Jesus was when He walked the earth. We are to fulfill the Great Commission of going into all the world to proclaim the gospel and make disciples.

That’s what we need to focus on TODAY—whether tomorrow seems to threaten turmoil or promise peace. For the Scriptures are clear that regardless of what we face, God’s thoughts and plans for us are “of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Several years ago, I wrote a book called The Moses Quilt, a contemporary romance told against the backdrop of the life of one of America’s greatest heroines, Harriet Tubman.

This amazing woman of faith and courage was born into slavery and went through life uneducated and nearly penniless. Yet she not only escaped slavery herself but went back into the “lion’s den” nineteen times to successfully lead out about 300 other slaves, including her elderly parents—all the time knowing there was a “wanted dead or alive” bounty on her head.

How was she able to do it? By refusing to allow the circumstances to dissuade her from following what she believed was God’s call on her life.

Harriet stood on God’s promises.

She stood on scriptures she had memorized from hearing others recite them—because she was unable to read—and lived accordingly.

Those same promises that fortified Harriet Tubman’s courage are available to us.

With that in mind,

• we don’t need to scream and pull our hair,
• nor do we need to hide within our personal safety bubbles and ignore the world around us.

God is calling us to so much more; He is calling us to be about His business and to enter into those plans and thoughts He has for us… to give us a future and a hope, just as Harriet Tubman and so many others did before us.

How are your responding to these uncertain, sometimes scary times? How might standing on God's promises and the encouragement in His Word give you sure hope and a plan for moving forward in obedience to Him?

Kathi Macias (www.kathimacias.com) is an award-winning author of more than 50 books. A wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, she lives in Southern California with her husband, Al.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of ambermb at Pixabay.