Is Your 'Valentine-Love' Maturing?

Joan Webb, a recovering workaholic and perfectionist, continually communicates a message of freedom and renewal. In this special Valentine UPGRADE, she shares one way to bring freedom to our relationships.

“Ahhh. It’s LOVE week,” Joan says. “All is well. Or is it?

In my 40 years of marriage, I (Dawn) discovered healthy relationships require both SPACE and GRACE!

We learn to practice the one anothers of scripture—like “Be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving toward one another” Ephesians 4:32)—and we give our partner room to grow.

Joan continues …

If you’re like some lovers, you may sense that one or both of you are trying too hard to control how the other one expresses love. Instead of increasing intimacy, it pushes you apart.

So what’s up?

Okay, no one is perfectly loving 24/7. Yet, you can grow in your Valentine-Relationship when you both commit to developing these God-honoring characteristics:

1. Allow for individuality.

Differing talents or temperaments do not threaten true love. Feelings and thoughts can be expressed without fear.

2. Avoid trying to change the other.

We may not like everything about our partner, yet when we consider the total picture we are able to be more accepting.

3. Care with detachment.

Healthy love cares, listens, and responds; yet does not try to fix or remove the uncomfortable feelings of the lover.

4. Affirm equality of self and partner.

A mature relationship treats the partners as equals. There is no sense of competition or one-upmanship.

When you practice mature love, you accept what the other person is able or willing to give.

You allow each other space to grow and develop. 

Perhaps you could pray this prayer: 

“Lord, teach me to love authentically…with joy and fun. I don’t wish to make inappropriate demands—and force my own way. Help me to be honest about what I want. And also listen to understand my mate’s needs and desires. You had a good idea when You created romantic love. Thank you.”

Although no one is perfect, which one of the four points could use some work in your own relationship?

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan's website. 

Graphic Adapted: Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to Share Love in America (for Valentine's Day)

Stacie Stoelting is a Jesus-focused patriot who, with her sister, is on a mission to call America back to God. She and her sister are national recording artists, authors, and repeat "Fox News" guests. I thought she’d be perfect to share a special UPGRADE for Valentine’s Day!

“Every Valentine’s Day, the culture tries to shift our focus onto ourselves,” Stacie writes. “For instance, it tends to make us think, ‘How am I going to be happy on Valentine’s Day?’ That kind of focus is not what we, as believers, need to embrace.”

I (Dawn) appreciate Stacie’s redirecting of our thoughts here. I have personally encountered at least three people, just this week, who need a touch of God’s love—far beyond the “sentimental” love of Valentine’s Day.  

Stacie continues…

“Valentine’s Day can be a time to share God’s love with others and share Jesus with America…one neighborhood at a time. It’s an opportunity from God to do great things!”

Valentine’s Day presents major opportunities to share Jesus’ love at a prime time!

You see, as we know, Valentine’s Day catalyzes acute cases of loneliness at an epidemic rate in America.

The sufferers include a wide range of people:

• widows and widowers,
• divorced people,
• singles,
• military men and women serving away from home,
• unhappily married people, etc.

Again, this is an opportunity for Christians to share Jesus’ love and comfort!

I love this passage from II Corinthians 1:3-5 (ESV):

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”

The best way to love America is to love Americans with Christ’s love and love the Lord, who allowed America to be founded.

Look around you. In America, a lot of people’s hearts ache today. Be the deliverer of Christ’s comfort.

Let’s cover the main heart health troubles in America and answer them with God’s Word.

1. Are you lonely?

Jesus is with you.

In Matthew 28:20, Jesus Christ Himself said, “I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion), to the [very] close and consummation of the age.”

2. Are you persecuted and rejected?  

He will help you shake the dust off your feet and enter new territory for His kingdom.

Jesus said, “And wherever they do not receive and accept and welcome you, when you leave that town shake off [even] the dust from your feet, as a testimony against them.” (Luke 9:5)

3. Are you afraid?

Let the Lord draw you close to Himself and carry you.

“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” (Isaiah 46:4)  

4. Have you been forsaken by a person or group of people?

Embrace Christ and realize that He will never forsake you.

“…He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” (Hebrews 13:5, AMP)

And now it’s your turn. Ask the Lord to bring someone to mind that needs to hear from you. 

• Perhaps it’s a veteran.
• Perhaps it’s a military family.
• Or could it be one of your loved ones with whom you’ve lost touch?

With prayer, share the truth in the preceding points and Scriptures with that person or group of people. Let us share about the One who binds up the wounds of the brokenhearted!

Again, to love America well, each of us must love our fellow Americans and our Lord, who allowed America to be founded in the first place.

Now, the real question remains: Near Valentine’s Day, will you share Christ’s love in America?

Stacie Ruth Stoelting and her sister, Carrie Beth Stoelting, are recording artists and authors of the book Unite the USA, recently endorsed by Mike Huckabee, Pat Boone, Rick Santorum (Patriot Voices), Tony Perkins (Family Research Counsel), and Mathew Staver (Liberty Counsel). To receive prayer or learn more about how to know God, go to www.PrayingPals.org (“Know God” page). To learn more about the Stoelting sisters’ Christ-focused, patriotic mission, visit UnitetheUSA.org.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of supakitmod at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Get Back on Track after Holiday Spending

In this special, much-needed Financial UPGRADE, Ellie Kay—"America’s Family Financial Expert" ®—will help us become better stewards of our resources, helping us get back on track in the New Year.

"The worst decision you can make in regards to your finances," Ellie says, "is to have no plan for financial recovery."

Financial stewardship and use of resources is taught throughout the Bible, encouraging wisdom (Proverbs 21:20), proportionate, unselfish, cheerful giving (Deuteronomy 16:17; Luke 6:38; 2 Corinthians 9:7) and right priorities—putting God and His work first (Malachi 3:10).

Whether we've been careful in our spending or we've "blown it" financially over the holidays, I (Dawn) think Ellie has some wise principles to help us move forward into greater financial freedom.

She continues . . .

Sometimes, a decision that starts as a New Year’s Resolution can end in a dream come true when you let those resolutions become a new way of life.

Our family did this to get out of debt and pay cash for our cars. We wanted to be better stewards of the resources that God gave us and we decided to give our finances an upgrade by doing things wisely.

Here are some common resolutions that can get you back on track in the New Year, even as they did for our own family.

Resolution #1: Pay off Consumer Debt

An excessive amount of consumer debt usually means a lower credit score (FICO), which means higher annual percentage rates (APRs) on existing credit cards. By improving your FICO, you can lower the APRs, thus paying off that debt in a fraction of the time.

It’s not hard to improve your FICO by following three easy steps:

Step 1 - Pay on Time 

Not only does a late payment mean high late fees, but part of your score is determined by payment history. Set up automatic payments online with each card to make sure you’re never late again.

Step 2 - Pay in Proportionally 

Utilization, which is the ratio of debt to available credit is important. For example, if your card has a limit of $5,000 and you have $2,500 charged, your ratio is 50%.  Adjust the balances on your cards to make sure each has no more than a 50% ratio.

Step 3 - Pay it Down!

Pay as little as $5 to $10 more than your minimum credit card payment.  It shows up on paper as the consumer trying to “pay down” the debt. 

You can also get out of holiday debt sooner if you reduce spending and repurpose those funds.

As soon as you save in one area, immediately channel the money you saved toward your debt load. If you don’t take that saved money and put it toward a credit card or other debt, then it will just get reabsorbed into your spending.

Resolution #2: Pay Cash for Your Cars

The least expensive car you can own is the paid-for car that you currently drive.

By going to my tool section at EllieKay.com and clicking onto the “Automobile Affordibility Calculator” you can see how much to save each month in order to afford to pay cash for a newer car. It is a lot easier than you think.

Once you’ve paid off your current car, don’t trade it in, but keep making payments to yourself in the amount of the former loan. So let’s say you put $350 per month into a car fund and invest it in a fund that makes 5% annually. You would have around $4400 at the end of the year, plus the value of your existing car (let’s estimate $5,000) to put almost $10,000 down on a newer car than you now own.

If you keep saving and keep trading up, then you’ll be able to pay cash for your cars for the rest of your life!

In the first fifteen years of our marriage, on one (military man’s) income, we bought 11 cars this way, paying cash and even donated some of those used cars to charity! When you do things God’s way, He often provides ways for you to be a blessing to others.

What will you do to get on track after Holiday spending?

Ellie Kay is a regular expert on national television with ABC NEWS NOW’s Money Matters and Good Money shows. Ellie is also a national radio commentator, a frequent media guest on Fox News, and CNBC, a popular international speaker, and the best-selling author of fourteen books including her  newest release, The Little Book of Big Savings (Waterbrook, 2009).

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Christmas Joy

Kelly DeChant is one of the most joy-filled women I know. I asked her to share her take on what brings the most joy at Christmas in this Holiday UPGRADE.

“Christmas Joy—is it what you give or what you spend?” Kelly asks. “Think about it . . . is it what you GIVE or what you SPEND?”

Christians would likely answer, “what I give,” but I (Dawn) think that’s still not the best answer, as Kelly points out so clearly.

She continues . . .

As you meandered down the aisle at Costco, making your way to the pumpkin pie counter for your fall dessert choice (mid-October), what came over you when you saw the nicely manicured Christmas trees adorned with every color bulb imaginable? 

Did you succumb to a numbing effect—ice running through your veins at the very sight of the trees? Did you immediately check you Smart Phone calendar to verify the date? It just couldn’t possibly be that time yet! 

Were you overcome with sheer panic of the thought that Christmas was in fact only 75 days away and you were counting at a warp speed? 

To fight off the anxiety, did you grab the nearest spoon to politely (of course) begin shoveling spoonfuls of the delightful pumpkin pie into your mouth?

Oh yes, it has happened to us all. And once you have recovered from the initial shock, the truth of it all sets in. What are you to do? 

You can commit to spending money on things that people will rarely acknowledge as valuable, or you can rethink your entire Christmas season strategy. I challenge you to sit with a nice cup of peppermint tea and gain complete and total perspective. 

It all begins in the way you think. To change your behavior, you have to change the way you think. Let’s begin with “The Reason for the Season.” Simply put, it’s Jesus. He is the reason we celebrate.

How will you keep Him center stage in your Christmas? He is where our true JOY will be found.

I think of it like this: JOY = Jesus Occupying You

Yes, occupying—occupying your thoughts, your actions, your spending and your giving. 

This is His party, and He wants us to celebrate Him. We do this by keeping Him first in our giving. As we spend time with family and friends, we are giving of ourselves. It’s not about the gift giving, but rather the life living. That is the greatest gift we can give Jesus this birthday. 

How do we celebrate? Is it the Hallmark Christmas movies that tug at your heart to get you in the Christmas spirit . . . or is it the reading of His birth announcement in Luke 2  that sends heart-throbbing joy into your soul?

Think about that journey taken by Jesus’ earthly parents to bring this child to us.  

“For unto us a Child is born. . . .” He was born to be our Savior, and there is no greater gift ever given. 

Throughout the season, read each day from the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke and John—their difference renditions of that precious time in history. It will bring a newness to your Christmas season and you will keep Him at the center. 

Remember: Jesus Occupying You! That’s Christmas Joy, not what you give or spend.

What are you doing this December to refresh the wonder of Christmas joy in your heart?

Kelly DeChant, a wife, mother and Grammy, enlists herself as a Disciple of the Risen King. She is passionate about sharing the Gospel to everyone she encounters, and she does so with great joy!

Graphic #1 adapted from layoutsparks.com. Graphic #2, Costco Insider. Graphic #3, adapted, Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

The 'A B Cs' of Growing a Child's Wonder at Christmas

A child's wonder at Christmas is a joy to behold. Sue Badeau explains three ways to expand that wonder in this Holiday UPGRADE.

“Growing a child’s wonder at Christmas is as simple as A, B, C,” Sue says, “and you can create many; special memories to ponder all year long.”

Do you have special holiday memories? Unique traditions? I (Dawn) have found they don't have to be complicated, just full of meaning for you and your family.

Sue continues . . .

When Hector and I first became parents, we hoped our children would ask, “I wonder what it was like to be in the field with the shepherds?” or “I wonder how I can celebrate Jesus birthday in a new way this year?” instead of “I wonder what Santa will bring me for Christmas?” So we set about planning Advent activities that wouldn’t focus on material gifts.

We wanted our children to truly experience the fullness and richness of the entire Advent season, and after a few hits and misses, we came up with a three-part strategy that we use to this day—now with grand and great-grandchildren.

A - Activities

Our activities engage all senses in discovering the true Christmas story.

We have a book of daily Advent readings, filled with scriptures and prayers that we read each night at the dinner table, followed by lighting the Advent candles. Everyone has a turn to be a reader as well as a listener.

In addition, throughout the month we find unique and creative opportunities to share, reflect upon, gain new insights into and re-experience the Christmas story through music, art, dance, crafts, baking—we made an elaborate Nativity scene out of bread dough one year—and more.

Our children connect with the miracles of the season by seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching things that enrich and deepen their ability to understand not only with their minds, but with their hearts and spirits.

B - Build

Build memories by repeating traditions. Whether it’s baking my mom’s shortbread cookies each Sunday during advent, or Hector’s mother’s tourtiers (meat pies) on Christmas eve or setting out Mexican luminarias for Las Posadas, repeating traditions from year to year deepens family bonding, creates anticipation and provides opportunities for re-telling the stories that illuminate the heart and soul of the season.

One year after our children were grown, we proposed eliminating a couple of traditions and nearly had a riot on our hands!

Traditions link the past to the present inviting memories and questions while also creating a sense of hopeful anticipation of a future where the legacy will be inherited by a new generation.

C - Celebrate

Celebrate every day. We create our own Advent calendar each year with an activity planned for each day, often tying the activity to a cultural celebration unique to one or more of our family members’ heritage.

Some of the activities are simple, such as reading a particular story, or hanging the stockings. (Stockings are hung on December 6^th, St. Nicholas’ Day, and we also reflect on the lessons we can learn from the life of the original St. Nicholas about giving in secret.

Other activities are more involved, such as shopping for gifts for needy children or going caroling throughout our neighborhood.

With an activity planned for each day, the sense of wonder, excitement and anticipation about this special season grows just as surely as the lights on our advent wreath grow brighter from week to week.

By the end of each Christmas season, like Mary, I have many special moments to ponder in my heart (see Luke 2:19) and I believe that each of my children do as well.

How can you upgrade your Advent celebration by providing opportunities for your children to experience Christmas with all of their senses throughout the season?

Note: Sue shares more of the wonder of the season in her two newly-released Christmas stories, The Christmas Primer, and Umoja—both released by Helping Hands Press.

Sue Badeau is a nationally known speaker, author, and child welfare and trauma expert. Sue and her husband Hector are lifetime parents of twenty-two children—two by birth and twenty adopted. They wrote the book Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids. Learn more about Sue at suebadeau.com and badeaufamily.com.

Graphic image adapted - Image courtesy of digidreamgrafix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.