I Choose Grace

Those who know Mary James will testify to the sweetness of her spirit and the power in her songs. I asked Mary to share an UPGRADE Uplift to encourage our hearts.

“If you believe change is not possible when looking at a situation,” Mary says, “you are deciding what God’s grace is capable of achieving.”

So many times, I (Dawn) have allowed the enemy to weigh me down with regrets. When I do that, I can’t move forward. But God does not leave us without hope.

Mary continues…..

The message of God’s grace through Christ is the most beautiful gift any of us can ever possess—especially for those who have made significant mistakes along the way.

Though we may have regrets, the weight of God’s forgiveness covers our choices with a love so big that the past loses it power over us. 

I recently heard a message that sadly left listeners without this hope. Its focus was on parenting. In a nutshell, the message said, “If you do not do as Scripture instructs, you will have regrets.” 

Ok, makes sense. We know that Scripture has been given to us for a reason and will spare us much heartache. But all of us have fallen short of its expectations.

So then what?  Oh, yes . . . a heart full of regret.

As a person who the enemy loves to torment with the past, I began to squirm in my seat.  Occasionally, I squeezed my husband’s leg in almost uncontainable frustration. 

The message continued and my spirit grew heavier and heavier, especially for the men in the auditorium who were being held to the highest level of accountability.  Yet I remained hopeful and kept waiting for it . . . and waiting . . . and waiting.  

But it never came. 

There was plenty of truth, but no grace. Not a shred.

As my husband and I sat there—two people who have made a thousand mistakes as parents—we were left to see ourselves as only one thing: failures.     

Years ago, I heard Bunnie Wilson share about the remorse she had in raising her children. Her regret was that she had not taught them to have a servant's heart. But—and there was a but—she pointed us all to a new day, a new beginning, a Christ-centered resolve. 

Bunnie said that now, every time she is with her children, she models servanthood for them. What she did not teach them when they were young, she taught them as adults.

And they were changed by her efforts. 

Every parent in the room who had missed the boat in some aspect of parenting left with that hope.  I have never forgotten her reminder of God’s ability to redeem our less than perfect choices.    

If you believe change is not possible when looking at a situation, you are deciding what God’s grace is capable of achieving.

God has given us history so that we that we can learn from it, but Paul also understood the danger of living in the past.

As he wrote in Philippians 3:12-14,

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

We can live in the bondage of regret, or we can let the power of God’s grace move us into a new day. Either way it requires effort.

Regret is like carrying around that proverbial baggage, where grace requires humility: placing any limitations, grudges or shame into the hands of God.

Whether we are at the podium or in the pews, rigidity in our thinking when it comes to God’s ability to change us or restore a relationship/situation, diffuses the work of the cross. 

Oddly, our regrets can be the very things that help us understand our need for Jesus.

We must accept consequences, but God has shown us time and time again that He can take a mess and turn it into a masterpiece.  

Which do you choose? The mess or the masterpiece? Regret or grace? 

 Mary James is a Christian Artist and Speaker who has embraced the charge found in 1 Peter 2:9, that we are, “Saved to Proclaim the excellence of Him who called us out of darkness into His marvelous light.” Through her music, testimony of grace, and transparent, biblically-centered messages, Mary is devoted seeing hearts and lives healed, strengthened and transformed by Christ. Since entering ministry in 2000, she has released five full-length CDs, shared the platform with leading Bible teachers such as Dr. David Jeremiah and Kay Arthur, and is a three-time Inspirational Country Music Female Vocalist of the Year Award winner. Visit Mary's Website.

Graphic in post adapted, Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

How to Encourage Someone Who Is Ill

Lisa Copen has more than her share of struggles, but she has still managed - with God's help - to create a ministry to help others who suffer. In this special Upgrade UPLIFT, she explains what not to say to those who are ill, and how to encourage them.

"When friends are coping with a chronic illness or pain, our instinctive way of encouraging them may be more hurtful than helpful," Lisa says.

Ouch. I do want to be an encourager, but I haven't always known what to say.

How about you?

Lisa continues ...

"You look great. You must be feeling so much better."

"I just know God will heal you. You don't deserve this pain."

"Let me know if you need anything."

These comments sound kind and there is no doubt they are said with good intentions. For the one who is ill, however, they "feel" less than comforting.

Being told you look fine feels like the pain isn't believed. What if your friend isn't healed? Does it mean she does deserve the pain? And it is so hard to ask for help.

"Call me if you need anything" is considered a general greeting to one who is ill, like asking, "How are you?"

She will never ask.

Nearly one in two people in the USA live with a chronic illness or condition like back pain or migraines. If it is not you, odds are it is someone you love.

Most people do not have any visible signs of the pain or suffering they experience on a daily basis. And when we say "Well, you look fine," the comment is interpreted as "Since you look fine, you can't really be that bad. You are just making a big deal out of nothing."

Invisible Illness Awareness Week is sponsored by Rest Ministries, a Christian organization that serves the chronically ill. I began this week in 2002 because I witnessed many people growing frustrated about the lack of understanding of invisible illness. Despite finding peace about their diagnosis, the remarks of people around them - even at church - were planting seeds of bitterness.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week (IIAW) is September 9-15, 2013, and the IIAW website features many ways to encourage loved ones with illness, as well as teach those with illness where to find true validation.

Here are a few tips on how to communicate with an ill person:

Don't say, "I am praying for you!"

Say, "I would love to keep your needs in prayer. Is there something that is on your heart that I can pray about? Maybe something that no one else is even praying for?"

Don't say, "Call me if you need anything."

Say, "I would love to bring your family dinner. What would you prefer, chicken or lasagna? Wednesday or Thursday?"

Don't say, "You look fine."

Say, "It must be hard to be in so much pain and not have anyone realize what effort it took to get here. Thank you for coming."

Don't say, "Don't cry. God will work it all out."

Say, "If you need to cry, I will just sit here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

We have all suffered. 2 Corinthians 1:4 says, "[He] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in ANY trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God" (NIV, emphasis added).

Take a moment to reflect on a time you suffered and what you needed.

Did you really need someone to give advice or did you just want someone to listen? Did you pick up the phone and call a friend to ask for help, or were you grateful when someone just showed up and offered comfort food or help with a task?

One of the reasons God allows us to suffer is so that we understand how to comfort others when they suffer. Rather than relying on clichés and instinctive responses, take a few minutes to consider what you wanted when you were suffering. Did you wish someone would ask you what you needed, rather than making assumption about how to help? Don't be afraid to ask a friend what they need - and then listen.

Find out more ways to encourage friends who are chronically ill at Invisible Illness Awareness Week where there are specific articles on ways to bring a friend a meal when she may be embarrassed, how to help a friend with errands, or how a church can make a difference.

Who do you know who is ill that could use some tender care and encouraging words? Ask God to show you how to use Lisa's wisdom to reach out with caring words and actions.

Lisa Copen began Rest Ministries to encourage those who are chronically ill through daily devotionals, small groups called HopeKeepers, and other support. She is the author of a variety of books including Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend. She has lived with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia for twenty years and resides in San Diego with her husband and son.