Are You a Perfectionist? 3 Ways to Know

Marcia Ramsland is an organizer extraordinaire! With that accolade, you might expect her to be a perfectionist, but the good news is, she knows what to do with that tendency. In this Wisdom UPGRADE, she not only pinpoints the characteristics of perfectionism, she offers helpful insight to recover from it.

"Are you a Perfectionist? I have to confess I am," Marcia said. "Sometimes I’m proud of it, and other times I have to sheepishly say 'guilty.' I bet you might be a perfectionist, too, in at least one area of your life.

I (Dawn) am right there with you, Marcia.

It's taken me almost a lifetime to learn how to deal with perfectionism, so I know what you say is true!

Marcia continues . . .

3 Ways to Know You’re a Perfectionist  

One of the ways to discover you’re a perfectionist is to listen to what you say.

Have you ever said:

1. “I’m just about done. Give me another minute.” (And it stretches into 20 minutes.)
   
   
2. “I would have done a better job, but I had to turn it in.” (Blaming others is old school.)
   
   
3. “I don’t really plan to be perfect, I just want to do it right!” (Is that a problem?)

Yes, perfectionists want to do it “right” in the areas that are important to them, but have trouble recognizing when “enough is enough” on a task. 

This can be satisfying to our perfectionist tendencies, but irritating to those who have to wait for us to finish.

Another Way to Know You’re a Perfectionist

Being a Selective Messie!

Another way I can tell when a client is a perfectionist is to look at what’s NOT organized in their life. For example, their home might be immaculate, but their desk is a mess!

The reason a perfectionist’s lifestyle is so black and white is because perfectionists tend to not start a project until they know how to do it perfectly! Hence the cluttered desk, man cave, garage, or kitchen.

The 3 R’s of Perfectionism Recovery

Can we stop the dark side of our perfectionism and turn it around for good? Yes, of course! 

1. Recognize where perfectionism shows up in your life.

It could be in a small area like picking up everything at home before going out the door and arriving late to appointments.

2. Recognize what it’s costing you and how it affects others.

Check your family and friends displeasure and that could be a clue where your perfectionism lies.

3. Resolve to Make a Change in One Area at a Time

Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor will our tendency that took years to develop go away in a moment of insight. Be persistent to overcome the habit.

If you have trouble stopping your perfectionism—whether it’s responding to every last email or social media comment—it’s time to look at how this habit is impacting you and those around you. It may be time to “fess up” and drop a tendency that could be holding you back.

Why give up perfectionism? Because there’s so much God has for us to do to benefit ourselves and others.

The verse that motivates me personally to give perfectionism up is:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

Here's a Tip:

Learn the difference between striving for excellence and insisting on perfection.

Pursuing perfection zaps our energy, while striving for excellence brings joy in passing milestones toward our desired result.

Are you addicted to perfectionism? Do you want to recover? Which of the 3 R's for Perfectionism Recovery would help you most today?

Marcia Ramsland is well known as the “Organizing Pro” and author of the Simplify Your Life: Get Organized and Stay that Way book series, which has sold over 100,000 copies. Marcia regularly teaches online courses and coaches individuals to be highly productive personally and professionally. She believes anyone can become more organized and live with ease - even YOU! For courses and personal coaching, visit www.organizingpro.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.

Tackling Toxic Masculinity

Morgan Farr is a gifted mom with a heart for biblical womanhood and manhood. There's a lot of testosterone in her home, but the Lord recently blessed her with a charming little girl. In this insightful and timely Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she tackles toxic masculinity.

"Masculinity is under attack in the United States," Morgan says, "even within the church."

Yes. I (Dawn) have watched this attack, usually coming from those pushing a radical feminist agenda. I'm glad to see Christians addressing this issue from a biblical perspective.

Morgan continues . . .

Don’t believe me? Twitter was full of #NotAnotherMonster and #YesAllMen tweets in recent months that can give you an idea of just how poorly masculinity is viewed here in the United States.

As the mother of two young boys, the cultural climate towards masculinity is terrifying and it isn’t isolated to the secular world.

Look around your church on Sunday morning. I would be willing to bet that the congregation is made up of at least 65% females. Men are leaving the church enmasse due to the fact that we, as Christians, are trying to whitewash over gender differences in light of societal pressure.

This needs to stop. Now.

The Christian church needs to remember that God created masculinity, and it is good! It is inherently different from femininity, on purpose.

When my boys—three years old and two years old—play with my husband, it is distinctly different from when they play with me.

My boys might ask me to help them build a tower, read a book or to color. They ask my husband to "get the bad guys," play monster chase, and to “do work.” Even as preschoolers the boys know that mommy and daddy are different.

How is is then that as we get older we suddenly decide men and women should be the same? In my opinion, it comes down to the fact that it is easier to force men to become effeminate than it is to work with and celebrate the masculine spirit.

So, how do we fight toxic masculinity?

How do we encourage our boys to become strong men of God?

1. Tackle the Issue.

Do not misunderstand me. Toxic masculinity is real, but not in the way you might think. There isn’t some super-secret conspiracy passed down through generations to teach boys and men to dehumanize or devalue women.

As Christians, we know that these instances are a reaction to humankind's fall into sin from Genesis 3.

Without Jesus Christ, humans misuse masculinity—and femininity too—for their own selfish pleasures and desires.

Today’s “man” is a passive, unkempt, weak imitation of what God means for manhood to truly be.

For example, how many grown men do you know who spend HOURS each week on video games? These games call to men because they tap into the natural, God-given desire men have to explore, conquer and defend.

It isn’t just video games either. You can see this God-given desire corrupted in sports (both in playing and as a spectator), gambling and pornography. These men are searching for God and trying to fulfill a desire He gave them with all the wrong things.

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul says,

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”

Society twists and bends what it means to be a man, allowing Satan to sneak in and pull boys and men from the Christian fight with nothing more than “hobbies.”  

2. Tame Sin, Not Masculine Spirit.

Realize that we, as humans, are born sinful and broken. In light of that fact, we cannot be surprised when men and women fall prey to sin and act in evil ways.

The way we can fight toxic masculinity is by teaching and instructing our boys in the ways of the one perfect man, Jesus Christ.

1 Timothy 6:11 says, “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.”

As the body of Christ, we have to stop trying to tame the God-given masculine spirit. All we are doing is creating weak boys with lackluster faith who end up pretending to be real men rather than fully growing into men of God.

3. Train for Battle.

Being ready to help your son, grandson or nephew grow into manhood means:

• being ready to talk about what biblical manhood is and why it matters;
• being on your knees daily for their eyes, hearts and minds; and
• being open with our boys about the issues that they will face.

Is it messy? Absolutely.

Christians need to be ready to address why our son does not watch Game of Thrones even though all of his friends do.

We need to be able to stand firm in our conviction to not spend money on just anything, but rather to be a good steward of what God has given to us.

We need to take our sons to nursing homes, homeless shelters and nurseries so they can practice serving the least of these, as Christ did.

All of these things will make them different, and they will stand out against the grey backdrop of adolescents who are busy trying to find themselves.

Instead, our boys will be found in Jesus Christ and His glory for eternity.  

How can you encourage the boys and men in your life toward Godly manhood?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed in San Diego, California, with her wonderful husband Brian and their children. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one mentoring and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog The Forgiven Former Feminist. You can find her training programs, nutritional information and meal plans on her blog, Farr Functional Fitness.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Gerald Friedrich at Pixabay.

How to Conquer Your Conundrum (Confusing Problem)

What do you do when faced with a "conundrum"—a confusing or difficult problem or challenge. Dawn Wilson suggests 10 steps to conquer your conundrum in this Life Choices UPGRADE.

We all have conundrums. They can be challenging, bothersome, scary—and all of these things at the same time! What do you do when you are perplexed and just don't know how to move forward?

Here are 10 steps that can help you conquer your conundrum.

1. Prepare

Invest time in a quiet place with your Bible and other resources—even a laptop with the Internet for research, if you don't think you'll get distracted. Just as God told His people, "in quietness and confidence" is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15b), we will find strength when we pause to reflect and prepare.

Just like anything worth pursuing, preparation will help with processing your thoughts and focusing on fresh goals.

2. Pray

ASK the Lord for His wisdom (James 1:5). But remember prayer is not just you talking to the Father.

Be willing to say, "Speak Lord. I'm listening!" Better yet, "Whatever you tell me to do, Lord, I will obey." That's where the blessing comes in (Luke 11:28; James 1:25b).

3. Anticipate

Trust that the Lord WILL speak to your heart and clarify direction (Proverbs 3:5-7). Maybe He will use His Word. Maybe the Holy Spirit will remind you of a truth you already know. Anticipate His voice and "marching instructions."

You may find a word from the Lord in a solid, biblical book, or as you listen to a sermon or message. You may even hear the Lord speaking through a hymn book.

Once, when I was struggling with direction, I flipped through a hymn book and ended up on the old song "Trust and Obey. It was like the Lord said to me, "You don't need any new information; you haven't obeyed what I already told you!" I took care of that and God gave me fresh insight.

The point is, anticipate God's direction and obey it, rather than being "wise in your own eyes" (v. 7).

4. Think

Take time to brainstorm, if there are several options available to you and you're not sure which direction to move. Weigh the facts. Think. Do your best to DISCERN what the Lord might be saying (1 John 4:1; Philippians 1:9-10; Hebrews 4:12; 5:14; John 7:24; Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 2:14).

Some people even make a "pros" and "cons" list. But be careful with that. Once I had a long list of "cons," but the Lord confirmed I should move ahead. It made no sense at the time, but it was clear later the Lord had a plan I couldn't see.

5. Study

I included this one because I know human nature!

Just in case you treated #4 lightly, stop now and go a little deeper. Actually research the very best options in light of scripture. See if they align with what God has said, because He will not lead contrary to His Word.

As you study, be sure you are walking in the Spirit, because the Spirit of God "searches all things, even the deep things of God" (1 Corinthians 2:10 NIV).

6. Consider

Imagine possible outcomes. Count the cost for each one and weigh them carefully. (A biblical example: Luke 14:28).

Consider whether you are ready to move ahead and pay the necessary price. That price might not just be financial. There might be a cost emotionally, spirituallly, or to your family.

7. Learn

Seek out and listen to wise counselors. There is usually safety in a "multitude of counselors" (Proverbs 11:14: 15:22). Be sure you have a teachable spirit. Pride has hindered many wise decisions! (Proverbs 9:9; 13:18; 1 Peter 5:5).

And this would be a good time for more prayer: "Holy Spirit, teach me. Guide me in Your truth" (Psalm 25:4-5).

8. Challenge 

This is where it might feel "impossible" or confusing.

• We may need to challenge our fears and perceived limitations (Psalm 56:3-4; Isaiah 41:10).
• We may need to confront some lies and bolster our mind and heart with God's truth (John 8:44b; Ephesians 6:11).
• We may be suffering from "analysis paralysis" at this point and need an encouraging, godly friend to help us see reality or seek God's perspective. Reach out and ask for help.

9. Act

There are usually two courses of action at this point.

We'll either take the best possible action with discernment; or we'll decide to trust and wait a little longer—with God's guidance. Both can be wise actions if we're following the Lord's direction (Psalm 32:8) and believing He will not withhold anything from us that will enable us to walk close to Him and "uprightly" (Psalm 84:11b).

We don't want to lag behind if the Lord is nudging us to move forward with courage; but we don't want to rush ahead—rash or foolish—for the sake of just making a decision either.

10. Rest 

We may not ever have complete peace; we are very human.

It's good to know we can trust the Lord for course corrections. And even in our missteps we can recognize God's grace. He will transform our sins and foolish mistakes for His purposes (Romans 8:28).

So after you follow all these steps and any others the Lord may give you, simply rest in Him. HOW?

• Cast your cares on Him and release all striving.
• Submit to His will.
• Relax in His love.
• Embrace Hope.

You may feel confused, but remember: Your "conundrum" has not taken God by surprise.

Which of these 10 steps will help you the most today as you ask the Lord for help with your most pressing and confusing question or problem?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Workbrite1 at Morguefile.