'Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part 3

Janice Thompson addressed three financial tsunamis in her last post (disability, unemployment and identity theft). In this Financial "Overcomer" Upgrade, she discusses divorce, widowhood and significant wealth.

"Regardless of the circumstances that lead up to a dynamic change in your financial life," Janice said, "any of these life-challenging events can thrust you into a place where you must quickly adapt to a new way of dealing with your financial world."

Divorce and widowhood can crush a woman's spirit, but significant wealth—especially when it arrives unexpectedly—can be just as overwhelming. I'm thankful for Janice's helpful insight.

She continues ...

In each of these circumstances, I encourage you to be patient with yourself and the process ahead of you. Remember, "Tsunamis" can be a catalyst to a deeper, richer relationship with God.

1. Divorce

I have yet to see a divorce that doesn't expose raw emotion and inflict unbearable pain on all parties involved. Divorce is often complicated by the fact that finances can be a major reason for the breakup.

While money problems may only be symptomatic of deeper issues, they are clearly among the contributing factors.

I am in no way an advocate of divorce, for it is not God's ideal, but I do understand that divorce happens. It is important that women who find themselves in this situation be proactive in the midst of their pain. They must move forward, making appropriate plans and taking appropriate actions.

It has been said that a woman facing divorce experiences many of the same emotions of a woman who experiences the death of her husband. Add to that the understanding that in many cases she has been rejected, and it is no wonder the psychological, emotional and financial adjustments are overwhelming.

It is imperative that you surround yourself with trusted advisers and legal counsel as you go through this process. There are many important steps to take before the divorce is final that can help you better prepare for being single again.

Let me also encourage you to develop a spirit of forgiveness as you go through this process. It is a critical component not only for your financial well-being, but also for your ability to be truly free to become a whole person again.

2. Widowhood

Adjusting to life after the death of a spouse is an agonizing journey. Widowhood is often met with an intense need for grounding, stability and a sense of normalcy and emotional relief. Widows need emotional support and the reassurance there is life beyond this intense pain!

It is critically important to work toward the development of a long-term plan, stabilizing cash flow and minimizing major spending decisions during the initial months of loss.

If you are newly widowed, I encourage you to postpone major financial decisions until you can think clearly about long-term goals and plans. Surround yourself with people who understand the journey you're on and will be patient with you through the process.

While the level of pain diminishes with time, the passion to honor the memory of a spouse with wise financial decision gives them purpose amidst the pain.

Women who have lost their beloved life-partner don't want anyone to forget the memory of their spouse, so while they may resist being prodded to "move on," they seem to be able to respond to the idea of "moving forward."

3. Significant Wealth

I can still remember the time when my husband and I were having one of our many family financial discussions with our children. The discussion turned to the financial impact "if Daddy died," which in turn led to a conversation about life insurance.

When our eight-year-old daughter, Jamie, found out her father had a substantial amount of life insurance, she jumped up and ran to the kitchen and started calculating some figures. She proudly returned a few minutes later with a budget of how this money would be spent.

• She'd first tithe 10 percent,
• then buy her brother a Lamborghini (David was six at the time!),
• give me $50,000 (thank you, Jamie!)
• and then she outlined the rest of her wish list.

While she had one thing right—making the Lord the first priority—we still laugh about the rest of her perspective. She had a lot to learn about the responsibility of handling significant wealth.

Interestingly, I have since seen grown women initially respond just like my eight-year-old did when they come into sudden or unexpected money!

The sense of responsibility that accompanies an influx of wealth can be intense when the emotion wears off.

Women need to recognize the importance of stabilizing their physical, emotional, spiritual and financial well-being before making major spending decisions.

Since wealth can also intensify the potential for mistrust as you find new friends you didn't know you had, be cautious. Evaluate your inner circle carefully. It is not uncommon to feel stretched and strained by a life-changing circumstance that others might feel would solve all their problems. It can, in fact, feel downright lonely.

No matter your tsunami—disability, unemployment, identity theft, divorce, widowhood, significant wealth, or something else—take a deep breath and begin working on an immediate cash flow plan to ensure day-to-day needs are met. If possible, postpone major spending and investing decisions until you can think clearly.

There is a reason God has allowed this event in your life. Surround yourself with a trusted inner circle who will give you wise counsel and help you develop a strategic plan that incorporates His purpose in all your decisions. And by all means, pray and trust God for peace and direction (Philippians 4:6-7).

Are you going through a tsunami experience right now? How will you seek God for encouragement and wise counsel? He can help you!

In her final "Financial Language" post (August 26), Jan will discuss timeless truths for all Financial Languages.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part 2

In Janice Thompson's first post about being a financial overcomer, she encouraged women to prepare for tsunami-type events. In this "overcomer" post, she addresses three issues: Disability, Unemployment and Identity Theft.

"Although these events have the potential to destroy," Janice says, "when faced with courage, they can be the catalyst to a deeper, richer relationship with God."

I'm glad Janice looked to scripture for an example of courage: to Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who emerged unscathed from the fiery flames and, as a result, caused a king to praise their God (Daniel 3:28). God can also use our testimony of financial wisdom in a watching world.

Janice continues ...

We need to learn a new financial language in a financial crisis. Again, it is crucial to search out wise counsel and trust God with that which you cannot control, especially in these three circumstances:

1. Disability

A long-term disabling event can be devastating to your lifestyle. Not only are you dealing with health-related concerns, but for many women, serious social and financial challenges as well.

Even if there has been some financial preparation, there is still a steep adjustment that has to be made.

Patient persistence is a tremendous ally in this situation. Focusing on the immediate needs of your family helps to stabilize the household. Once the transition has been made and the household stabilized, long-term needs can then be addressed.

My experience with clients who have faced this tsunami is that, as they continue to find ways to honor and respect the disabled loved one in their life, they find a deeper sense of true fulfillment and purpose in their present situation. While the circumstances may, in many cases, be irreversible, the joy and peace they evidence as they adapt to their new reality is much greater.

2. Unemployment

Unemployment can strip you of your self-worth and give way to feelings of guilt or shame. The stress of prolonged unemployment, besides being financially devastating, can lead to panic and, in some cases, severe depression as confidence begins to wane.

It is important to remember that you are not alone, nor have you suddenly lost your intelligence, skills or worth.

It is important to maintain social contact to help keep your balance in life.

Resist the urge to blame yourself or others, and focus on making the tough decisions as it relates to your cash flow needs. Food, clothing and shelter need to be your main priorities. Consider putting other things on hold as you think "survival mode" during this period of time.

Finding a job equal to what you had may not be an option, so keep your mind open to other possibilities, even if it is not your ideal.

I have seen people from all walks of life emerge form periods of unemployment not only having acquired new skills as they explored new interest, but also developing a new value system that includes both spending decisions and relationships.

3. Identity Theft

Here is another unexpected event that can instantly stop you in your tracks and turn your financial world upside down.

While a number of years ago our focus was primarily on monitoring credit fraud, this unsettling issue has now escalated into sophisticated identity theft schemes. The ability to steal publicly available information—and thereby impersonate you—is readily available.

Having personally experienced my first brush with this growing concern, I have seen firsthand how much easier it is to take proactive steps to protect yourself from identy theft than to recover from it.

• Be diligent about reviewing your credit report on an annual basis.
• For a free annual report, see www. annualcreditreport.com.
• You might also consider subscribing to a credit monitoring service for a more proactive approach.

Have you ever dealt with any of these financial tsunamis? How did God help you deal with the process of recovery or survival?

In Part Three (July 17), Janice will cover surviving the financial stresses of Divorce and Widowhood, and also, how to deal with Significant Wealth.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor™, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

'Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part One

This is the final "Financial Language" discussion by Janice Thompson, to help us UPGRADE our Finances. We've already had the Driver, Thinker, Partner, Avoider and Idealist.*  Now we'll consider the "Overcomer" in a three-part series.

"While I would certainly prefer to counsel with women before a major upset occurs in their life," Janice said, "it is often what I call a tsunami-type event that forces women to come face-to-face with financial matters, many for the first time."

Yes, I [Dawn] identify with that. It took a financial meltdown for me to reconsider the scriptures about good stewardship. How much better to think through financial matters before a crisis comes.

Janice continues ...

Regardless of their natural language, women in financial crisis are immediately thrust into a foreign land with little emotional reserve to help them navigate.

Having traveled through a number of foreign countries, I understand the strange sensation of stepping off a plane in a different part of the world where everyone is going about their normal lives, eating their normal foods, speaking their normal language, and it is all so different from what you know.

It can be a bit unnerving until you adapt—but adapt you must!

Ruth comes to mind when I think of a woman adjusting to a foreign land and learning a new culture. Born in Moab, Ruth married a Hebrew man named Mahlon (Ruth 4:10). Ten years later, her husband died. Ruth then chose to relocate with her widowed mother-in-law, Naomi, to Bethlehem in Judah. Ruth declared, "Your people will be my people" (Ruth 1:16).

This is a profound statement from Ruth who would now be poor in a foreign land. Even the fact that she was a woman would add to her difficulties.

Scripture records the story of the care and concern that helped her mother-in-law, Naomi, overcome the challenges she faced. Ruth so loved Naomi that she was willing to change everything about her own life—the comfort of familiar surroundings, her culture and her language. She was willing to leave everything that brought her security, because she trusted Naomi and Naomi's God.

Ruth's story illustrates the triumph of courage and ingenuity over adverse circumstances. God would ultimately bless her with Boaz, a devoted husband.

In this, we find special significance for Christians. In the gospel of Matthew, five women were included in the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:2-17), and Ruth was one of the five. God honored Ruth's courageous faith both with provision and an incredible place in history!

Sudden or unexpected life-changing events can make a significant difference in a woman's financial life.

If you find yourself in the midst of your own tsunami, perhaps you can have faith to believe that you can remain:

• objective in the face of fear or uncertainty,
• stable as you face a cascade of overwhelming emotions,
• balanced in the face of redefining who you are—and most of all,
• hopeful in the care of a loving God!

Women, through no fault of their own, can find themselves in relationships where they have little say or no control over their finances.

Women in this circumstance are perhaps in the most difficult position of all. Husbands to these women often proceed with risky investments without the collaboration or knowledge of their wives. They may be arrogant, viewing their wives as incapable in this area or simply hiding their willful decisions because of the dissension it may cause.

This is extremely painful to the woman who is aware that her husband is not practicing wise financial principles, and she is undoubtedly headed for a tsunami not of her own making.

Before I address the tsunami events in more detail in future posts, probably the best advice I can leave with you is this:

Be proactive where you can, continue to search out wise counsel, and trust God with that which you cannot control.

There are no easy solutions for this heart-wrenching situation, but we have a BIG GOD!

"And my God will meet all your needs acccording to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

Do you feel like you're facing a financial tsunami—perhaps of your own making; perhaps not? Do you believe God can help you become a financial "overcomer"?

In Part Two (June 17), Janice will offer help to survive and thrive in three Tsunami-type events: Disability, Unemployment and Identity Theft. In Part Three (July 17), she will cover surviving the financial stresses of Divorce and Widowhood, and the dealing with Significant Wealth.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc, a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

* Previous Financial Language posts: the Driver, Thinker, Partner, Avoider and Idealist. Also Re: Finances: Are you Thriving or Surviving?

'Financial Language' - Are You an 'Idealist'?

Janice Thompson has already shared four of the six "Financial Languages." Today, she discusses The Idealist. Are you this woman? Do you need a financial UPGRADE?

Janice begins with a story:

"Kathryn and her husband came to see me just preceding her retirement," Janice wrote. "Here was a couple who, because of substantial individual incomes, had lived life large with many privileges and amenities."

Sounds like my (Dawn's) entire financial dream—before God got my heart and gave me a desire to "live large" for Him!

Janice continues ....

From outside appearances, they had all the desires of their hearts. They were used to trips, nice cars and dining out. Kathryn was vivacious and engaging; she love to spend, love to laugh, and loved others.

But Kathryn's weakness for spending and her inability to deny herself impulsive pleasures would bring on the worry that inevitably comes with such patterns. She would seek financial guidance, but then ignore it and become overwhelmed.

Another couple, Cynthia and her husband, also lived life large until they were suddenly confronted with a terminal illness.

They came to my office and immediately began to work on their estate plan; but when the disease went into remission, the urgency gave way to celebration, and completion of their plans was moved to the back burner. When the disease returned with a vengeance, we found ourselves scrambling to make arrangements with the attorney to complete plans before Cynthia's husband passed away.

Talk about stress in the midst of pain!

Cynthia wound up paying a high emotional as well as a financial price for this delay. Her husband had clearly been motivated by his desire to take good care of his precious wife and spare her vivacious spirit the mundane side of finances, but the steep learning curve she now faced was both painful and frightening.

The fact that there was no longer someone else "to take care of it" thrust this reluctant widow into a financial world entirely foreign to her.

Hannah [1 Samuel 1] was a woman with a mindset of what her ideal life looked like. In Hannah's day, a woman's sole security relied upon having a son to take care of her in her old age. She prayed, "God, bless me with a son and I'll give him completely to you" [1 Samuel 1:11]. God ultimately blesses Hannah and grants her the desire of her heart—a son whom she names Samuel.

Hannah doesn't stop there. She follows through on her promise ... her ideal life included a level of commitment to personal responsibility. She weaned Samuel at around the age of three and, in fulfillment of her promise, gave him over to the Lord to serve in the Tabernacle.

Does this sound like you?

I used to tell my children growing up, "With increased privileges come increased responsibility." "To whom much is given, of him shall much be required" (Luke 12:48 AMP).

If you are one of those who enjoys the blessing of someone else in your life "taking care of it," I want to encourage you to realize the sense of responsibility for the privilege you enjoy.

I applaud men who take a proactive approach by ensuring that their wives, mothers or daughters are connected with the financial dynamics that will impact them and their future ... an established support network.

While you might be quite content to be left out of the financial loop, I encourage you to take the time to get some basic education. Grasping fundamental financial principles will be much easier on you if you take the time now—before you have to—to secure a basic working knowledge of your financial situation.

It grieves me to see women who chose to stay ignorant when a slightly more proactive approach could have made such a difference.

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise" (Proverbs 19:20).

Are you embracing your financial future? Do you know the fundamental financial principles? Is there something yet you need to learn?

Janice Thompson is the founder and president of Strategic Financial Solutions, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, Certified Life Stewardship Advisor™, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009). Photo: adapted Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

'Financial Language' - Are You an 'Avoider'?

Janice Thompson’s six “Financial Languages” help me understand how women relate differently to money matters.  In this, her fourth post on the topic, she describes "The Avoider" approach, beginning with this quote by a famous business consultant:

“What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it is another matter.” – Peter Drucker

That’s true of women in many arenas – marriage, parenting, ministry, housework and yes, finances. Janice shares a story to illustrate how avoiding financial decisions can be foolish

She continues …

Megan came to see me in the fall of 2002. I can still remember the day we met. She was beautiful, talented and well-educated. But what struck me so deeply that day was that I would be invited into the heart of a woman devastated by the recent loss of her husband. Megan’s husband had paid the ultimate price with his life in service to our country, leaving a wife alone with just three months to go until the birth of their first child.

Here was a woman who had it all. In one tragic moment, she was stripped of everything that gave her significance and security. She was now facing the frightening prospect of having to navigate the complex world of financial matters on her own.

Because Megan’s husband had always taken care of things for her, she was overwhelmed by decisions and, at times, even paralyzed by small financial events. Her initial response was to try to bury her head in the sand, thus avoiding her new reality.

I don’t think I have wept more with anyone than I did in those first few months working with this dear woman. To say she was confused and terrified by the financial decisions she was facing would be an understatement. She could easily have filled her life with distractions to assuage the grief, but instead she purposefully determined to let God make her better.

Megan chose to be victorious, not a victim.

She is now a wise, savvy, and confident woman … Megan could easily have responded to life’s curve ball by being a Martha – filling her life with activity and things that masked the void rather than focusing on the important priorities that could fill the void—like sitting at Jesus’ feet [Luke 10:38-42]. Whether Martha was simply distracted by too much to do or just operating in her comfort zone, it is clear that Martha entertained a seed of the victim mentality.

Victims have a choice: they can either avoid their new reality and become bitter, or by God’s grace they can take the appropriate steps to become better.

Does this sound like you? Do you find yourself so overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life that worry consumes you? Do you feel as though you are spiraling downward in a vortex of confusion? Are you overwhelmed and intimidated by financial matters, and do you lack confidence to make wise decisions?

If so, take heart from Megan’s story.

Don’t bury your head in the sand. Seek wise advice.

Find non-threatening ways to become financially educated.

Don’t be embarrassed by the fact that you have a lot of questions. The only “stupid” question is the one you are too intimidated to ask.

You can’t avoid reality forever, so surround yourself with wise counsel that will encourage you not only to listen, but to take appropriate action at the appropriate time. As you do, you will begin to develop confidence in your decisions.

Read this scripture thoughtfully: “... God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding. He’s a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well, a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere. He keeps his eye on all who live honestly, and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones” (Proverbs 2:6-8, The Message).

Is your financial language avoidance? Which of the bulleted points will you act on today?

Janice Thompson is founder and president of Strategic Financial Solutions, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-wise financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner® and serves on the Kingdom Advisors Board of Directors. She has two married children and just welcomed her first grandchild to the family.  She and her husband, Tom, live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Photo in Text: Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net – adapted.