Marriage Madness and the 3-Man Weave

Morgan Farr is a mom, Bible teacher and physical trainer. In this clever Marriage UPGRADE, she encourages us to practice a "drill" during basketball's "March Madness" that can make our marriages stronger.

"It is basketball season and March Madness to boot," Morgan says. "Marriage and basketball have a lot of similarities, especially when it comes to the fundamentals."

Now I (Dawn) have been a basketball fan since high school and both of my boys played, but never once did I think of a parallel between basketball and marriage, so Morgan's words made me say, "Huh?"

Morgan continues. . .

I love basketball, and not in a "Oh, I will watch it if it is on kind of way." I love basketball in a "I love the stats, the dialogue about the game, and the replays " kind of way.

I love to watch the games, listen to them on the radio, and read about them online. I also really enjoy playing basketball with friends and family. There is nothing quite like the rush of adrenaline that you get with the ball in your hand during a full court press!

Basketball taught me some of my hardest learned lessons in life.

I learned things like:

• People will be better, smarter, and faster than you are. 
• You will get knocked down at some point, but you have to get back up and finish the game.
• You can't win a game without your team, no matter how "good" you are.

The team lesson has been a good reminder in my marriage. I often think of my marriage as being a 3-Man Weave Drill.

In a 3-Man Weave Drill, the players start out at one end of the court and then sprint toward the other end—all the while interweaving each other (like a braid) while passing the ball to one another. If you haven't studied or practised the 3-Man Weave, then it can look really complicated and intimidating.

Early on in the drill it is not unusual to see athletes running the wrong way, bumping in to teammates, and stumbling. But when you watch athletes that are proficient complete the drill it a beautiful, almost fluid movement.

Here is a video illustrating the motion in this drill.

That is all great and wonderful, but what does the 3-Man Weave have to do with March Madness; and more importantly, what does it have to do with marriage?

Being a Christian is like being involved in a constant 3-Man Weave, but it is no drill.

The players are you, your spouse, and God. The three of you move together down the court (through life) interweaving and moving the ball—your family.

If at any point one or more of the players is removed from the court, the weave doesn't work. You can still move the ball down the court, with just two or even one player. But it isn't nearly as effective or easy to do it that way.

The Bible talks about this idea in Ecclesiastes 4:12:

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

This is true in basketball and this is true in marriage.

With the madness that goes on in our world, it is important to keep our three players in communication and moving smoothly down the court.

Let me challenge you this March Madness season to fight the world's madness and focus on drawing close to your spouse and close to God.

What can you do to better run the 3 Man Weave in your marriage?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed at Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, North Carolina, with her wonderful husband Brian and their two sons. She is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one interactions and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog. You can find her training programs on her blog, FarrFunctionalFitness.blogspot.com.

Daaa-Dum... Daaa-Dum... Daa-Dum... Daa-Dum.

Nothing surprises me when I read something from Kaley Faith Rhea or her mom, Rhonda. These two combine humor with wise insights every time. In this UPLIFT post, Kaley helps us combat worry.

"You know how a lot of times you’ll have your deepest, most philosophically significant thoughts in the solitude of the shower or bathtub?" Kaley asks. "Allow me to share an example of ... NOT that."

Didn't I (Dawn) tell you? Insights from a bathtub? Of course.

Kaley continues . . .

The other night I was tired. Not exhausted. Just that mid-week fatigue that crops up now and again.

Decided to take a bath. Because that sounds like pure heaven for a tired person.

My tired brain was, I suppose, off doing its own thing, and I nicked my knee while shaving my legs. Little bit of blood, no big deal; you know the drill.

In that moment, the thought that formed in my mind while watching that little bit of blood in the water was:

Uh, oh. I had better watch out for sharks.

Yes, go ahead and read that thought again as slowly and as condescendingly as you can. It’s fine.

Because I worried about sharks. While sitting in my bathtub.

      

If I could just take a moment here—I live in Missouri. Probably the most landlocked state in the United States. If TV and books and the internet weren’t around, I would not know an animal called a shark exists.

And none of that’s even relevant actually because sharks do not happen in bathtubs. At least not by accident. Brain, what were you doing?

Later, after the bath (because this is not a story of deep shower thoughts), it hit me how my mind is so programmed to worry.

I can worry in my sleep. Without breaking a sweat—without even noticing—I can worry about things that are irrelevant, implausible or imaginary.

That is where my mind, in its natural state, wants to live.

That is not a happy place to live. There are sharks there apparently.

Philippians 4, verse 6 reads, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” I hear and see this verse quoted a lot. Maybe you do, too, and you’re like me and think Okay, easier said than done, Paul, thanks.

But have you noticed this verse does not begin with a capital letter? There is a run-up to this statement in verse 5 that causes it to make so much more sense. It says simply, “The Lord is at hand.”

“The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious…”

Let me tell you, something, friend. If I am at hand, you need to be anxious. If you are at hand, worry is the completely correct response. But the Lord is at hand. Jesus Christ, the Word of God who became flesh, the One through whom everything that is made has been made, the defeater of death, our champion, risen from the grave—He is at hand. Don’t worry.

Furthermore—and I love this—when the Lord is at hand, instead of worrying, I can pray. When the Lord is at hand, I can check my arrogance at the door. When the Lord is at hand, I can be thankful.

What?

I have a brain built here in a fallen world. It will tell me the appropriate response to every cut and scrape is to worry about sharks.

And you know what? Sometimes there really are sharks out there. But how wonderful to know my Lord knows this. He knit my brain together. And in his incomprehensible kindness, He’s already told me what to do when I feel worried. I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel so loved.

Final Words:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” (Romans 12:2a).

A prayer when faced by our sharks, real or imagined:

Lord Jesus, thank You so much for being everything I need. For being bigger than my darkest fears and for loving me enough to allow me to draw close to You when I’m anxious. When I am tempted to give in to worry, renew my mind, Lord, by Your Spirit, and set it on you. AMEN!

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, a novel releasing in a few weeks. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.

4 Ways to Turn Intentions into God-honoring Action

In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson encourages action! Intentions are great, but they don't change the world.

"You can't build a reputation," Henry Ford said, "on what you are going to do."

That's not just true of a reputation; it's also true of anything important to us.

Whether it's in ministry, writing, a professional career, marriage, parenting, finances—whatever—intentions are only a starting point, not a means to build anything lasting or worthwhile.

Don't get me wrong. Plans and intentions are wonderful. They're necessary for success. But plans are, in and of themselves, fruitless. We have to move beyond intentions to action. 

Words are important, but ultimately, our lives are measured by what we do, not what we say.

So how do we turn our good intentions into actions that please the Lord?

I would suggest FOUR STEPS.

1. Examine Your Intentions

Good intentions aren't always good. Sometimes good intentions can be used to justify sin.

I laughed at a cartoon of a burglar before a judge. He told the judge, "Yes, I robbed the bank, but I had the best of intentions."

We see this justification of intentions in the life of Paul as he, thinking himself righteous, persecuted the church (Acts 23:1; 26:11-12). We also see misused intentions in the life of King Herod. He thought he was doing the Jews a favor—he had good political intentions—but he ended up imprisoning Peter (Acts 12:1-4). As Christians, we must examine our intentions before we move ahead.

Be sure your foundation for intentions is solid and biblical.

2. Count the Cost.

Jesus counseled His followers to "count the cost" before moving forward in a big project (Luke 14:28-30). On the surface, it appears He advocates careful decision-making.

But His counsel goes beyond our decisions to our discipleship. Masses of people followed the Lord for many reasons: free food, the miraculous healings and other miracles. But Jesus knew their hearts.

His counsel about counting the cost is part of a larger passage (14:26-33) that laid out what it meant to be His follower. While eternal life is free, discipleship "costs" us something.

It means recognizing He is Lord, and transfering the ownership of our lives and all we have to Him.

This changes the concept of our "intentions," doesn't it? "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

Surrender every good intention to the Lord and His plans.

3. Fight the Flesh

I recently read an article that addressed humans' "internal guidance system," claiming we have "two brains: primitive and intellectual." The primitive brain or guidance system, the author suggested, was not evolved and it worked against our intellectual brain. So, accordingly, we know what to do, but our actions don't always synchronize with our intentions, because sometimes we are controlled by the primitive brain.

I smiled, suddenly "hearing" Paul's words in Romans 7:19: "For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do."

Rather than a "primitive brain" and an evolved "intellectual brain," I think we are really battling sinful flesh. It is the sinful nature we inherited from Adam (Romans 5:12; 7:14-24; Psalm 51:5). With deceitful hearts, we struggle with the "deeds of the flesh" (Jeremiah 17:9; Galatians 5:19-21).

There are consequences to our sinfulness. One of the consequences is, the flesh can really sidetrack us in our best intentions!

Through God's grace and walking in the Spirit, we can overcome the flesh (Galatians 2:20; Romans 6:11; Galatians 5:16; Romans 13:14; Psalm 119:11).

We can starve out it's influences in our lives (1 Timothy 6:11; 1 Corinthians 9:27; Colossians 3:5; Galatians 5:24; Romans 6:6).

Fight the flesh to give your good intentions a fighting chance!

4. Check Your Obedience.

Many times we are sincere about our intentions, but we don't follow through.

At the Bema Seat of Christ, it will be our obedience that stands strong in the face of judgment—our good works after salvation, not our intentions (Romans 14:10-12; 2 Corinthians 5:10).

I have often heard this passage preached:

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21)

We can have lots good intentions as Christians, but if we are not obedient disciples, committed to honoring God with righteous thoughts and behavior, we will not be seen as one who has borne fruit for the Kingdom. We will, in fact, suffer loss (1 Corinthians 3:9-15).

One of the deceiving things about intentions is they can tempt us to rest in a false sense of confidence and security. Sometimes we think because we have already "decided" to do something, we're moving forward.

Deciding is not doing.

In the parable of the two sons (Matthew 21:28-31a), Jesus taught about intentions versus obedience. When a father asked his first son to work in the vineyard, he refused, but later thought better and obeyed. When he asked the same question of the second son, the son said, "Sure, I'll go"—but he didn't follow through. He didn't obey.

The first son did the will of his father because he acted in response to the Father's will.

Many of us have heard clear instructions from our heavenly Father—perhaps during a time of prayer or Bible study, at church or in another gathering. Our hearts were moved. We may have intended to obey, but have we?

Determine to follow through on wise, biblical intentions... obey the Lord!

Good intentions, like New Year's resolutions, are only as good as the results.

In summary:

1. Be sure your foundation for intentions is solid and biblical.
2. Surrender every good intention to the Lord and His plans.
3. Fight the flesh to give your good intentions a fighting chance.
4. Determine to follow through on wise, biblical intentions ... obey the Lord!

We will not be perfect in our follow-through. We are still sinners. But sinners saved by God's transforming grace have the empowering Spirit to help us fight our battles and obey the Father.

The blessing to my heart is a wonderful truth: Our heavenly Father is "the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"  (Exodus 34:6). When I am not faithful to my Lord, He is still faithful to me (Romans 3:3; 1 Corinthians 1:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:3; Hebrews 10:23).

God sees the believer's heart and know every intention; and He is a compassionate and faithful Father. 

What are some good intentions you have that you have yet to act upon? Would any of these points help you follow through?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

"Even Though"—How to Upgrade Angry Reactions

Kolleen Lucariello's desire is to help people embrace their identity in Christ in practical ways. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she deals with anger and how our relationship with the Lord can change our responses.

"Don’t Get Mad, Get Even. This thought randomly ran through my mind,” Kolleen says, “as Pat and I traveled south down the Interstate in early January.

I (Dawn) was just cut off on a San Diego highway as a man quickly moved from one lane— across mine—to rush toward an off-ramp, putting several cars in danger. I panicked, and oh yes, I got that sudden angry response. Kolleen has a insight for us about how to deal with life's tough circumstances with a more scriptural response.

Kolleen continues . . .

Our GPS was programmed to guide us straight to the driveway of our son and daughter-in-law’s home, and I had just witnessed one more incidence of road rage on the highway (and my husband was not involved!).

We’ve observed some pretty scary moments during our travel time when angry drivers decide they wouldn’t get mad—they’d get even— behind the wheel of a vehicle.

I was surprised a few days later when this same thought crossed MY mind as I felt my mad inside begin to rise. Don’t get mad, get even.

It’s been quite a few years since that’s been my motto for getting through life. Yet, over the next few days, the slightest irritation brought this phrase to mind.

I began to notice how effortlessly it is for some to quickly move into the get even lane.

But why had I?

Where was this sudden urge to get even for every offense coming from?

• Did I have suppressed anger?
• Was the constant chatter on social media making me hostile?
• Hormones, maybe?

I decided it was time to pray and ask God to fill me in.  That’s when one word was added to the statement.

Though.

Now, the sentence running through my mind was, don’t get mad, get even… though. With an emphasis on even though.

Just a few days later I read this, “The Lord was with Joseph, and he [even though a slave] became a successful and prosperous man; and he was in the house of his master, the Egyptian” (Genesis 39:2, AMP).

There it was, even though, and along with it, came my answer.

You upgrade your reaction when you:

1. Trust God is with you, even though you’re distressed, full of anguish and your cry seems unheard.

His very own brothers had sold Joseph into slavery. Can you imagine?  They saw the distress and anguish as Joseph pleaded for them to let him go but, the Amplified Bible says, they “would not listen to his cry” and he found himself a slave in another country (Genesis 42:21).

All betrayal is rough, but betrayal by a spouse, sibling, parent or the closest of friends strikes a devastating blow.

Betrayal inflicts such intense anguish and distress, you may wonder how you will ever survive. We can become slaves to the pain as we find ourselves wandering in a strange, unknown and unwanted land, where cries for mercy go unheard.

But just as God was with Joseph, even though he found himself in Egypt, He is with us in our even though land too.

2. Trust God is able to prosper you and bring you success, even though your circumstances are not what you dreamed.

Remember Joseph’s dreams? Sheaves bowed down to him. Evidently, he was able to move on from the delay of the dream. He excelled in everything that he did even though he was a slave; and because the Lord was always with him, he found success and prosperity.

I’m certain Joseph never imagined he’d find himself a slave in Egypt. He’s the perfect example for us of someone living out Colossians 3: 23-24:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (NIV).

The Lord is with those who protect their attitude even though the work might not be exactly what we dreamed.

3. Trust God’s purposes even though we may not understand them at the time.

Something I find remarkable in the story of Joseph is this: not once is there any mention of Joseph plotting in his heart how to get even with anyone who betrayed him—not his brothers, Potiphar’s wife, nor the chief cupbearer who failed to follow through on his promise to remember Joseph when he was released from prison. Not even Potiphar for assuming the worst and never seeking to hear his side of the story. Not once.

Instead, he saw God in the even though when he stood face to face with his brothers and recognized that even though they intended evil towards him, God’s intended purpose was for good.

Rather than living by the don’t get mad, get even motto, add the word though as a reminder of how God can bless us in our even though moments.

Are you going through something right now that tempts you to get even? How can the truth of “even though” help you upgrade your reaction?

Kolleen Lucariello, #TheABCGirl, is the author of the devotional book, The ABC’s of Who God Says I Am. Kolleen and her high school sweetheart, Pat, reside in Central New York. She’s a mother of three married children and Mimi to four incredible grandkids. She desires to help others find their identity in Christ, one letter at a time. Connect with Kolleen here.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Megapixelstock, Stocksnap.io.

4 Ways I'm Learning to Be a Light-Dweller

In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson reminds us Jesus wants His followers to walk in the light. That's crucial in these dark days!

Some time ago, when San Diego had days of heavy rains—not common for us—I got a serious case of "The Glooms."

My nutritionist said I might actually have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). And that might be. Thinking back, I've never tolerated gloomy days well; I've always craved sunshine.

I remember one day in the midst of The Glooms when I got out of our car and suddenly, a ray of sunshine peeked through some clouds. I turned my head toward the sun and basked in its light.

Though I love the crispness of fall, I NEED the sunshine of summer.

I read about a little bird that enjoys perpetual summer. In the book God of Wonders, David A. Steen writes about the arctic tern, a mostly-white bird with a bright-red bill and tiny red legs and webbed feet. The arctic tern only weights about 3.5 ounces. When it's summer in the far north, they raise their young in Greenland or Iceland, and then when summer wanes, they take off for the Weddell Sea in Antarctica—some 12,000 miles south!

The actic tern "enjoys the most daylight hours of any creature on earth," Steen wrote. Flying in a looping, zig-zag pattern, they log the most miles during their annual migrations—24,000-30,000 miles each year, pole-to-pole-to-pole, round trip. They are so desperate for the summer sun.

Now reading that, I had a thought. I wonder how desperate I am for the light of the Son? How much do I desire to seek Him—the Light of the World? I get so caught up in seeking other things. But God has a better way.

The Lord wants me to live as a Light-Dweller.

Here are some things He's teaching me about that.

1. I'm Learning to Seek the Son.

In Matthew 6:33, Jesus said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

What we seek shows the state of our hearts—what we really crave. Sadly, I'm inclined to seek "stuff" because I love it; but oh, how I need the Son!

Sometimes the Lord has had to draw my stuff away from me before I realized what really matters. "Stuff" isn't wrong, but my inordinate affection for my stuff can keep me from seeking and loving God and desiring to live fully sold-out for Him.

I must learn to turn my head toward the Son and bask in His glory.

2. I'm Learning My Position—Light in the Lord.

When I became a Christ-follower, the Lord slowly began transforming my heart as I studied the scriptures. I learned I was once "in darkness," but by God's grace I became "light in the Lord." God wants me to discern what is pleasing to Him (Ephesians 5:8-10).

Slowly I've understood: the darkness of my spiritual graveyard is behind me. In the resurrected Christ, I should and can live in the light of my new birth.

I am a partaker of "the inheritance of the saints in light" (Colossians 1:12). That's where I belong ... in the light.

Jesus wants to shine His light on me, but I must wake up and start living like a child of light (Ephesians 5:14-17).

3. I'm Learning to Walk in the Light.

In his book study on Ephesians, Warren W. Wiersbe wrote, "Walking 'as children of light' also means reveling in God's light in our daily lives. By our character and conduct, we bring God's light into a dark world. As God's light, we help others find their way to Christ."

Yes, I need to discern what God wants and obey Him for my own good and His glory. But walking in the light is even more than that. People are blinded by Satan and living in darkness. "Only as we witness and share Christ can the light enter in," Wiersbe wrote.

I can't be sluggish in my walk of light. I must be intentional and faithful.

"Jesus bids us shine, shine for all around.

Many kinds of darkness in the world are found.

Sin and want and sorrow, so we must shine—

You in your small corner and I in mine." (Susan B. Warner)

4. I'm Learning How Light Exposes Darkness.

Light reveals truth and exposes lies. It reveals sin for what it is.

That's why some people avoid church like the plague. They will not come to the light (John 3:20); they like their sin too much.

We don't have to blast sin at every point. God wants us to love people. But the truth is, if we are seeking God, resting in Christ and walking in the light, our lives will expose others' sin in contrast.

Some time ago, a woman blasted me, saying I was "on a pedestal." She said I must think I'm "holier than others." Her words cut deep. I felt I was following hard after Christ—pursuing Him and His righteousness; but I examined my heart to see if there was truth in her statements. Was I projecting pride?

God showed me one way that might be true and I dealt with that, but in the process, the Lord showed me the root of the problem. This woman was smarting under her own sinful choices. She lashed out under the weight of her own guilt.

God nudged me to love her more, encourage her and "be there" for her if opportunities came to help. But I realized at that point, standing for righteousness is going to invite some enemies (2 Timothy 3:12). I can't be a phoney Christian—I must walk in HIS light and not put the spotlight on anything less (and especially on myself)—but I can't expect everyone will love me for that.

The self-righteous Pharisees hated Jesus, the Light of the World, precisesly for this reason, and they tried to destroy Him. When sinners saw Christ's character, they had no cloak for their sin (John 15:22).

The righteousness of Christ in us will make the lost and religious hypocrites uncomfortable; but that doesn't mean we should stop walking in the light.

I want to be a Light-Dweller. Don't you? What's stopping you? Turn your head toward the Son today, rest in Him, and walk in His light.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic of Sunbeams Breaking Through a Cloud, adapted, courtesy of SeaquestDS at FreeImagesLive.

Graphic of Arctic Tern, courtesy of Pixabay.