How to Encourage Someone Who Is Ill

Lisa Copen has more than her share of struggles, but she has still managed - with God's help - to create a ministry to help others who suffer. In this special Upgrade UPLIFT, she explains what not to say to those who are ill, and how to encourage them.

"When friends are coping with a chronic illness or pain, our instinctive way of encouraging them may be more hurtful than helpful," Lisa says.

Ouch. I do want to be an encourager, but I haven't always known what to say.

How about you?

Lisa continues ...

"You look great. You must be feeling so much better."

"I just know God will heal you. You don't deserve this pain."

"Let me know if you need anything."

These comments sound kind and there is no doubt they are said with good intentions. For the one who is ill, however, they "feel" less than comforting.

Being told you look fine feels like the pain isn't believed. What if your friend isn't healed? Does it mean she does deserve the pain? And it is so hard to ask for help.

"Call me if you need anything" is considered a general greeting to one who is ill, like asking, "How are you?"

She will never ask.

Nearly one in two people in the USA live with a chronic illness or condition like back pain or migraines. If it is not you, odds are it is someone you love.

Most people do not have any visible signs of the pain or suffering they experience on a daily basis. And when we say "Well, you look fine," the comment is interpreted as "Since you look fine, you can't really be that bad. You are just making a big deal out of nothing."

Invisible Illness Awareness Week is sponsored by Rest Ministries, a Christian organization that serves the chronically ill. I began this week in 2002 because I witnessed many people growing frustrated about the lack of understanding of invisible illness. Despite finding peace about their diagnosis, the remarks of people around them - even at church - were planting seeds of bitterness.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week (IIAW) is September 9-15, 2013, and the IIAW website features many ways to encourage loved ones with illness, as well as teach those with illness where to find true validation.

Here are a few tips on how to communicate with an ill person:

Don't say, "I am praying for you!"

Say, "I would love to keep your needs in prayer. Is there something that is on your heart that I can pray about? Maybe something that no one else is even praying for?"

Don't say, "Call me if you need anything."

Say, "I would love to bring your family dinner. What would you prefer, chicken or lasagna? Wednesday or Thursday?"

Don't say, "You look fine."

Say, "It must be hard to be in so much pain and not have anyone realize what effort it took to get here. Thank you for coming."

Don't say, "Don't cry. God will work it all out."

Say, "If you need to cry, I will just sit here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

We have all suffered. 2 Corinthians 1:4 says, "[He] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in ANY trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God" (NIV, emphasis added).

Take a moment to reflect on a time you suffered and what you needed.

Did you really need someone to give advice or did you just want someone to listen? Did you pick up the phone and call a friend to ask for help, or were you grateful when someone just showed up and offered comfort food or help with a task?

One of the reasons God allows us to suffer is so that we understand how to comfort others when they suffer. Rather than relying on clichés and instinctive responses, take a few minutes to consider what you wanted when you were suffering. Did you wish someone would ask you what you needed, rather than making assumption about how to help? Don't be afraid to ask a friend what they need - and then listen.

Find out more ways to encourage friends who are chronically ill at Invisible Illness Awareness Week where there are specific articles on ways to bring a friend a meal when she may be embarrassed, how to help a friend with errands, or how a church can make a difference.

Who do you know who is ill that could use some tender care and encouraging words? Ask God to show you how to use Lisa's wisdom to reach out with caring words and actions.

Lisa Copen began Rest Ministries to encourage those who are chronically ill through daily devotionals, small groups called HopeKeepers, and other support. She is the author of a variety of books including Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend. She has lived with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia for twenty years and resides in San Diego with her husband and son.

Two Frequently-Neglected 'Vitamins' that Keep You Young & Lean

God wants us to take care of our bodies as one way to bring Him glory (I Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:17). Health advocate Danna Demetre teaches women how to stay lean for life and balance body, soul and spirit in her book, Scale Down. In today’s post, she addresses essentials necessary to help us upgrade our health, including two “vitamins” that are often neglected.

“Build wisely. Your body tomorrow will be the result of the choices you make today,” Demetre wrote. “To improve your energy, health and lose excess fat permanently, you need to address the essentials. I call them the “Nutrimax Six.”

Danna's Nutrimax Six include: (1) Water, (2) Plant foods, (3) Protein, (4) Fats, (5) Vitamins, Minerals, and Antioxidants and (6) something she calls “Vitamins Z and X.”

Danna continues …  

Vitamin Z—better known as sleep—is a frequently neglected “nutrient” that plays a much more important role in our health than people have previously realized. And Vitamin X—better known as exercise—is essential for maintaining high energy, low body fat and overall health and vitality.  [Add graphic of vitamin bottle]

Okay, okay … I know neither are technically nutrients. But if these two lifestyle factors are not a high priority, even perfect nutrition will not bring you the health, vitality and fast-burning metabolism you desire.

Vitamin Z

Sleep is the time when you get both physical and psychological rest. During deep sleep, your body accomplishes its most important cellular renewal. Even modest amounts of sleep deprivation can diminish your immune system and ability to cope with the daily challenges of life.

If you want to look younger, feel better and live longer—get enough sleep!

How much is enough? Experts suggest that most people need close to eight hours of sleep every night.

I have found that chronic fatigue is one of the biggest factors impacting an out-of-control appetite. I think the body is saying “If you’re not going to give me enough quality rest to reenergize, I’m just going to beg for sugar and calories all day long to make up for it!”

My suggestion: Make sleep a priority. Try getting eight hours of sleep a night for a full month and see the impact it makes in your lifestyle. This is best accomplished by establishing a consistent routine of going to bed at the same time each night, turning off the television and other electronics at least an hour before bedtime, dimming the lights (to increase melatonin production) and taking a hot shower or bath before bed. If you are over 40, you may want to take a melatonin supplement which also has anti-aging benefits!

Vitamin X

Exercise is an incredible energizer. The more you move, the better you feel as your body releases endorphins – the “feel good” hormones. Feeling good motivates you to stay active, and activity tends to distract you from sedentary habits that include eating. To stay lean and fit for life, we need to work toward DAILY exercise unless our lifestyle is extremely active naturally. As we age, our metabolisms decrease because we lose muscle. If we are not exercising daily, we are losing fitness. Get in a positive cycle and get a good dose of Vitamin X every day!

Do you struggle more with getting enough sleep or getting enough exercise? What change/s can you make in the days ahead to get “enough” and UPGRADE Your Health to the glory of God?

Danna Demetre is a popular retreat and conference speaker and the author of the best-selling: Scale Down, The Heat is On, Change Your Habits, Change Your Life and What Happened to My Life? Her latest book co-authored with America’s Family Financial Expert, Ellie Kay – LEAN BODY, FAT WALLET – explores the common healthy habits that can positively impact both your health and wealth. She also blogs regularly about intentional living, the life of a Christian entrepreneur, and “growing young” – staying lean and healthy at any age. You can learn more about Danna at www.DannaDemetre.com

'Financial Language' - Are You a 'Driver'?

Janice Thompson's unique approach to money matters helps women UPGRADE their perspective on finances.

"As both a financial professional and a pastor's wife who is passionate about the topic of women and their relationship to money," Janice said, "I have begun to recognize patterns in questions and responses that reflect a woman's personality and instinctive behaviors - I call this her 'financial language.'"

In her book, Managing the Money Maze (for Women), she discusses six financial languages - the Driver, the Thinker, the Partner, the Avoider, the Idealist and the Overcomer - the strengths and weaknesses of each, and their biblical examples.

Janice encourages women to learn the language of scripture regarding how they use their money. In this post, Janice explains the language of "The Driver."

She continues ...

Because of her innate self-assurance and God-given capabilities, The Driver often has to be reminded to slow down and seek out good counsel.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:22, "plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

The self-starting Driver doesn't miss an emotional beat. She is resilient, strong, and has tough financial circumstances in perspective. She has learned, in God's economy, nothing is wasted!

In the book of Judges in the Old Testament we meet Deborah, a captivating example of The Driver. In this male-dominated society, Deborah surfaced as a woman with incredible status; she was both a prophetess and a judge.

Deborah gained an amazing amount of respect for her thoughtful analysis and respectful, determined leadership style. She is best known for leading the people of Israel to victory over the armies of the Canaanite General, Sisera (Judges 4:4-16), after which the nation enjoyed forty years of peace.

The Driver, like Deborah, is busy, knowledgeable, disciplined and thrives on power. Does this sound like you?

Do you readily embrace decisions that need to be made and take a back seat to no one? While you may not think of yourself as knowledgeable about the complex details of financial matters you consider yourself intelligent enough to investigate and understand such matters. With a little guidance, you then act upon them.

You are very much in control of yourself even if you have never been responsible for these areas in the past. Once you understand your choices and have evaluated your options, you have no problem making decisions and implementing them.

You react to being pushed before you are ready and you value prompt feedback from those you bring into your inner circle. The demands of your busy life make it imperative that you move forward at an acceptable pace while not feeling pressured. You want to get to the bottom line quickly but thoroughly.

It is important for The Driver to remember, "We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails" (Proverbs 19:21, The Message). We need to seek Him regarding our finances.

Do you speak the "financial language" of The Driver? How might God want you to slow down and seek wise, godly counsel regarding your finances - especially in business ventures?

Janice Thompson is the founder and president of Strategic Financial Solutions, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, Certified Life Stewardship Advisor™, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children with one grandchild on the way. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Photo in text: Image coutesty of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Our Comforting God

Are you in need of comfort today? Harriet Bouchillon, who ministered alongside her husband for 40 years, discovered the precious presence of our comforting God in a great time of need. If you are hurting, I pray God will UPLIFT your spirit today.

“Since my husband Jim’s promotion to Heaven,” Harriet writes, “I have learned that unwelcomed and not always healthy thoughts often come during the grieving process.”

Anyone who has struggled through grief, even as a Christian, understands what Harriet is talking about. Confused thoughts and roller coaster emotions are normal.

Harriet continues …

During an especially melancholy day four months after Jim’s death, I was dwelling on what his unspoken thoughts might have been as he lay in his sick bed. What did he remember most about our life together? And what were his thoughts about me?

It so happened that was the day I chose to clean out Jim’s desk. In the process, I came across an unsigned “to my wife” birthday card.

My mind raced back to my birthday the previous year, when Jim was in remission from cancer. Frustration was in his voice as he gave me a lovely gift. He had also purchased a beautiful card, he said, and had put it in a safe place. But now he couldn’t find it!

Oh, my dear Jim—if he could only understand that just having him still with me was enough, with or without a card!

The timing of the card’s delivery was perfectly orchestrated by God.

Only He could know I would need it the exact moment of its discovery. Tears flowed as I read the beautiful, comforting words that I took as coming directly from Jim’s heart to mine.

“The man who finds a wife finds a good thing; she is a blessing to him from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:12, The Living Bible).

There are moments when I catch myself saying,

         Wow, that’s my wife.

They seem to come in the most ordinary times—

When you’re laughing with our family,

When we’re having dinner with friends,

When you and I are together doing nothing at all.

I’m still just amazed that out of all the men in the world,

I’m the one who gets to share life with you.

After all this time, I still don’t know all the reasons why God trusted me

With one of His most amazing gifts . . .

          But I’ll be grateful for the rest of my life that He did.

Happy Birthday. I Love You.

How true is God’s Word when He says, “I, even I, am He who comforts you” (Isaiah 51:12).

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).

Can you remember a time when God comforted you in your hour of need? Are you in need right now of God’s comforting ministry in your life?

Harriet Bouchillon has served as a missionary with Camino Global since 1972, ministering alongside her husband, Jim, in Spain, Mexico and Hispanic USA. She blogs at "Blessed by the Grace of God" (English and Spanish versions). Harriet, recently widowed, disciples, teaches, and mentors women. This mother to three and grandmother to six makes her home in El Cajon, California. Read her story about overcoming the fear of death in the tract, "Confessions of a Mortician's Daughter" (also here in Spanish).

Worship Service

Lynn Mosher blogs about how we should live as we are “heading home” to be with Jesus. I invited her to write about one way to UPGRADE our Worship.

“‘Worship service’ is more than a phrase given to our church assemblies,” Mosher said. “Worship is service to God, as the priests of old worshipped God by their tabernacle or temple service.”

She continues . . .

“The true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth;for the Father is seeking such to worship Him . . . For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, Him only you shall serve.’” (John 4:23b; Matthew 4:10 NKJV)

In Greek, one word for “worshipper” means a temple servant, or one having charge of a temple to keep it clean and adorn it. Our word “worship” is derived from the old English word meaning “worthship.”

We are all temple servants of God, doing our duty by taking care not only of the temple of the church building but also of the temple of our hearts.

Paul tells us of the highest form of worship-service we can offer God: “I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you…to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.” (Rom. 12:1 AMP)

Our godly service then is keeping our temples clean and unspotted by the world, adorning them with acts of service, and having a lifestyle of holy living that honors the worthship of God.

In all we do, we should “Worship and serve Him with (our) whole heart and with a willing mind” (1 Chron. 28:9 NLT).

To worship the God of creation is:

• to bow down in reverence to Him because He is worthy, acknowledging His divinity;
• to bow in humility and obedience;
• to bow to His will, His plan, and His purpose by relinquishing one’s own agenda;  
• and to bow in service to Him with one’s life, honoring Him as the One True God.

Do we seek the Lord’s Presence or His presents? Do we seek His handout or His hand? Do we always seek something from Him as the multitudes did, or do we lean upon His breast as John the beloved did, just to be with Him; to sit at His feet as Mary did, just to serve Him in worship by pouring out our thanks and tears as fragrant oil upon His body?

     How lavish is your worship of the Creator’s worthship?

Lynn Mosher lives with her hubby (since 1966) in their Kentucky nest, emptied of three chicklets and embracing three giggly grand-chicklets and an inherited dog. Lynn’s greatest passion is to fulfill God’s call on her life to encourage others and glorify the Lord with her writing.

Note: Praying woman Photo Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.