7 Steps—Replace Fretting with Peace

Joanie Shawhan, a cancer survivor and registered nurse, understands how anxiety can take charge and make us lose peace. In this Peace UPGRADE, she focuses on a special psalm that gives solid counsel for replacing fretting and returning to a place of peace in the Lord."Once again, a friend of mine chided me for fretting as I raged about the pervasive evil I saw in the world today," Joanie said. “This is not your circus. These are not your monkeys.”

Oh, how I (Dawn) understand that! How often I have taken on issues and burdens the Lord never intended me to carry. I'm reminded of the old hymn that says, "Oh, what peace we often forfeit..." Joanie explains how we can stop forfeiting our peace.

Joanie continues . . .

All of these circumstances in the world were beyond my control and out of the realm of my influence. Where was the God of Justice?

I had become stuck in a rut of fretting.

A rut rooted in the fear of the future that I had dug through anxiety and worry.

Living in Wisconsin, I’m familiar with ruts. Our wheels spin on snowy roads and create furrows that refuse to disappear until the snow melts.

Ruts become dangerous obstacles that can easily throw us off course.

My pattern of fretting had derailed me. It distracted me from God’s purpose and robbed me of peace. I listened to the voices of the world yammering in my ears and forgot to listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit.

But God reminded me: Do not fret—it leads only to evil (Psalm 37:8 NIV).

I needed a course correction.

How could I avoid the rut of fretting and restore peace?

God offered me a roadmap to peace.

Seven principles from Psalm 37

1. Do Not Fret (v. 1).

According to Scripture, fretting leads only to evil. If I want to follow Jesus and turn away from evil, I need to steer clear of the habitual patterns of agitation and anger that deepen the rut of fretting.

Jesus has called me to walk in righteousness and make right choices through faith in Him.

And this righteousness will bring peace. Yes, it will bring quietness and confidence forever (Isaiah 32:17 NLT).

2. Trust in the Lord (v. 3).

God is faithful and trustworthy even when I don’t understand His plan. My fears and anxiety do not change who He is. They only rob me of my ability to see Him as He is—my loving Father who is constant in His care for me.

Sometimes trust is a choice.

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you (Psalm 56:3 NLT).

3. Do Good (v. 3).

In spite of the evil churning around me, God’s Word tells me to never get tired of doing good (Galatians 6:9-10 NLT).

Even in the face of adversity, I’m called to love and serve others in humility.

He also commands me to pray for my enemies and those who may do me harm.

4. Delight in the Lord (v. 4).

To delight in the Lord, I must focus on who God is, on His power and majesty. When my eyes are turned toward the Lord, I can’t focus on myself, my circumstances, and those situations that rob my peace.

Delighting in the Lord comes with a promise.

The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him (Psalm 37:23 NIV).

5. Commit Your Way to the Lord (v. 5).

God is the one who will order my steps. My days are in His hands.

Even when the evil is personal or I feel betrayed, God is the one who will vindicate me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT).

6. Be Still Before the Lord (v. 7).

Sometimes I’m so busy grumbling and complaining that I neglect to listen. I’ve discovered that when I’m quiet and still, I’m more apt to hear the voice of the Lord.

His voice and His presence will restore my peace by reminding me of who He is.

Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10 NIV).

7. Wait Patiently for Him (v. 7)

Patience is not my virtue. I want to rush God, especially when he takes longer to answer my prayers than I would like.

But I need to remember God is not finished yet.

For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! (Isaiah 30:18b NIV).

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8 NIV).

By following God’s words of wisdom, I can avoid the dangerous rut of fretting.

What ruts of fretting rob your peace?

Joanie Shawhan shares true-life stories, offering her reader an eyewitness view of the action. Her Selah Awards Finalist book, In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer, reflects the value of “Your story plus my story become our stories.” An ovarian cancer survivor and registered nurse, Joanie speaks to medical students in the Survivors Teaching Students program. She co-founded an ovarian cancer social group: The Fried Eggs—Sunny-Side Up. Publishing credits include: Guideposts Divine Interventions, Snapshots of Hope & Heart, Wit, Whimsy & Wisdom, Life Repurposed, and We May Be Done But We’re Not Finished. Follow Joanie at www.joanieshawhan.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Anne Nygård at Unsplash.

Upgrade Your Kid's Future

Pam Farrel and her husband are "relationship specialists" with loads of helpful resources. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she shares one of the fun activities her family shared that helped to shape their home.

"When our son, Brock, was a baby, Bill was a youth pastor and one day I was praying for our son," Pam said. "I prayed, 'Lord, it seems that some kids at 18 soar and succeed; and others stumble and fall. What’s the difference?"

"Then I began to list the traits, qualities and skills of successful kids and families. Out of that day, came many of our own family traditions."

Family traditions are key, I (Dawn) believe to building strong relationships in the home. We can use creativity and shared experiences in many positive ways.

Pam continues ...

Let me share through the lens of an important day in our family:

For our twenty fifth wedding anniversary, we gave our sons a tie tac with a family moniker (or crest) Bill and I designed. We wanted the boys to have an heirloom that could be passed down from generation to generation that would symbolize the values the Farrel family stands for. In 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make, we describe and show a picture of our crest and how to design your own.

Upgrade Idea #1: Designing a crest is a family-fun holiday activity too! (See graphic, above.)

So let’s see if I can use words to aptly capture our crest:

It is a circle and inside are three L’s down the center that stand for Learner, Leader, Love God. These are the three core values we prayed (since before they were born) that our kids hold on to. We want our sons to be known as:

Learners. Those who want to compete in life so they are willing to do the hard work to learn and become excellent.

Leaders: In their sphere of influence using their own unique leadership style we desire they be difference makers that lead rather than follow the crowd.

Love God: We want them to own their own faith and walk out their own personal  relationship with God.

 Each year from the time our oldest was four, we have had a “Learner and Leader” Day. That’s the day we negotiate privileges and responsibilities, select one leadership trait to focus on for each son each year and we give a gift that applauds the uniqueness (passion, bent, calling, platform) we see God building in each of their lives. (We have a Learner Leader privileges and responsibilities list in 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make too because often we parents forget kids CAN do more around the house than you might think!)

Also in the circle is a cross with the star rising from it represents that we want them to seek God’s vision for their life. We want the source of all their hopes, dreams and desires to come from God’s heart. We believe if a child, tween or teen develops a vibrant relationship with God, it will be easier for him or her to sense where God what life path God created for them to walk.

The two interlocking hearts represent integrity and commitment. When a Farrel says something we want it to be truth and we want to be known as a family that keeps all of our commitments, especially the marriage covenant.

The verse inscribed on the back of the tie tac, or what is framed under the crest framed that hangs in our home is the phrase we used as the motto by which we raised our sons: Those who honor God, God honors.” (1 Sam 2:30 paraphrased)

Upgrade Idea #2: Select a verse for YOUR family motto.

Each fall for over 20 plus years we held a Learner and Leader Day. (that includes a fun family activity!)  On that day we’d also complete the Learner and Leader contract for each child, choose one verse to pray over his life for the year, and one leadership trait to focus on and equip that child to successful possess by year’s end.  On the contract are privileges and responsibilities.

Upgrade Idea #3: Select a fun family day to instill your family values.

We pray about what trait to focus on for each child, then we select a “learner and Leader” gift for each child. The gift is 3 things:

• Personal: We thought of each child’s needs and unique strengths.
• Practical: Something that child would need any way so it is part of the family budget.
• Prophetic: The gift encourages the promise of potential of that child’s giftedness and calling

We’d also review our family motto and “moniker” (or crest) on Learner and Leader Day—a simple reminder of “This is what the Farrels stand for!”

Upgrade Idea #4: Select a "Learn and Leader gif" for each child.

If you asked us - “What one parenting decision are you glad you made?” - this one would be at the top. Having a family moniker (crest) and family motto  and those yearly Learn and Leader Days helped our sons to have an inner compass to guide them. And the fruit is sweet.

Now, over 20 years later, our three sons are all adults and they all walk with Jesus and serve God. We now have grandchildren they are having their own “learn and leader” days! And our sons and their wives have their own family missions, mottos, and monikers! Passing the baton of faith!

Did Pam get your thoughts rolling about some unique features that might be in your own family crest? Your own "Learn and Leader" days?

Note: This post is adapted from 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make. (This book and many other parenting helps and resources can be found at www.Love-wise.com). To fully implement a "Learner and Leader Day," the Farrels recommend readers purchase: 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make book and the 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make 1 session audio CD.

Pam Farrel is a challenger, cheerleader and coach. With her husband Bill, the Farrels are  international speakers, and authors of over 35 books including best-selling Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti, Woman of Influence, 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make, 10 Secrets to Living Smart, Savvy and Strong, and her newest, Becoming a Brave New Woman. The Farrels, married 33 years, are relationship specialists who help people become “Love-Wise ." These San Diegans are parents to three children—two married sons—and three grandchildren.

Wind Up, Don't Wimp Out!

Yesterday (October 1st) was Dawn Wilson's birthday. While she won't give you her age, she'll let you in on the conversation that went on in her brain in this Attitude UPGRADE.

"You're over the hill," Satan whispered. "Beyond your productive years.”

The mirror didn't lie about the "over the hill" part. Laugh lines, wiry chin hairs, age spots—ugh.

Yet, although I was a bit depressed after Satan's assault, the truth is, I'd caught my spiritual enemy in a lie. "Only God knows how many years I have left," I quickly countered.  

And I counseled my heart: Stop acting like you have one foot in the grave!

I exited my pathetic pity party and planned my next adventure. I emailed my friend Judy about planning a conference together—something we'd talked about for a long time.

"Let's get this thing rolling," I said. This was no time to wimp out!

Yes, aging can bring a number of problems: forgetfulness, disillusionment, lack of motivation, negativity, stagnation, poor health and other issues.

But I am still alive.

I can decide to celebrate each day and not get stuck in regrets. I have hundreds, maybe thousands of fruit-bearing choices to make before God calls me home (Psalm 92:14).

I remember a cancer patient's advice to her loved ones: “Speak to the part of me that is still alive.” It's great counsel for anyone going through a crisis, but also for the senior set.

I realized I needed fresh ground rules—strong “finishing well” commitments. So I thought and prayed, and made these decisions:

1. I will keep "forever" firmly in view.

As a teenager, eternity seemed "a lifetime away;” but now I’m embracing and preparing for it.

Facing forever will affect how I live right now. I can learn to worship better, overcome hindering habits, and practice being holy, because God is holy (1 Peter 1:16).

Action Point: Study how to be more like Jesus, because we’ll live with Him forever (John 11:25; 1 Thessalonians 4:17).

2. I will seek God daily for His plans and deeper fellowship.

As a young wife and mom, it was often tough to have a consistent time alone with God; but today, with fewer distractions, I have more time to study and pursue intimacy with Him.

We’re never too old to learn new lessons from God.

Action Point: Don't get set in your ways. Cultivate a soft, teachable heart (Psalm 25:4-5).

3. I will dream big dreams and plan adventures with God.

On the far side of 50, I want to spend time on things that matter to the Lord. I want to take risks for the Kingdom, not play it safe in my comfort zone.  

There may be times I need to pause, and maybe take some extra rest breaks. I may need more time to pause, reflect and modify my ministry to fit my season of life. But I don't want to wimp out!  

I want to stay creative and intensely involved ... be a woman of influence ... and burn out for God!

Action Point: Study the lives of Noah, Moses, Daniel, Anna and Elizabeth to see how God called and used people mightily in their elder years. Emulate contemporary seniors who are still on fire for God.

4. I will invest in people, not things.

These are years to simplify, not to accumulate—to release my grasp on possessions with an eye to stewardship. Who can I encourage? Who can I help? (In many cases, lives are at stake!)

I can’t take my stuff into heaven, but I can store up things there that matter (Matthew 6:19-21). I can pour time and resources into people by sharing the Gospel, teaching truth, assisting those who are hurting and using my creativity to meet others’ needs.

Action Point: Give possessions and funds to relatives and believers who will use them wisely. (Note: Just because there is a specific need, it doesn't mean that particular need is where God wants you to give. Pray first!) Consider ministries too. Someone may be desperate for things gathering dust in your home.

5. I will make choices to leave a spiritual legacy.

I want to make a difference long after I've gone to heaven. You probably do too.

Action Points:

• Make sure your family knows you love them... and often, love is spelled T-I-M-E.
• If you’re not living a godly life, ask God to give you a fresh awareness of His presence and a desire to obey Him. The world needs to see Jesus in you!
• Scrapbook photos, adding snippets from your “life message” (Psalm 78:4).
• Create a will with spiritual impact: Who gets your Bible? Your stewardship funds? What do you want to say to loved ones after you’re gone?

There are a lot of “I will” statements here. The truth is, no matter our age, we cannot accomplish anything of lasting value without the help of the indwelling Spirit of God. Ask for wisdom and rely on His strength (James 1:5; Galatians 5:16a). 

I want to do all things for God's glory, in God's way, and by God's power. Don't you?

God doesn’t quit on us; we must not quit on Him. So don’t wimp out. Instead, wind up for the glory of God!

Which of these "I will" statements, acted on, would most revolutionize your life right now? 

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). She co-authored the devotional LOL with God with Pam Farrel and is a contributor to It's a God Thing.  Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of iosphere / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Conquering the 'If Onlys' of Discontent

Kathy Collard Miller's practical and biblical approach to life encourages me to live according to truth. We see that approach in this Attitude UPGRADE.

“If only I didn't have these problems," Kathy says, "I could be the peaceful person God wants me to be.”

Oh, yes. I (Dawn) have succumbed to "if only" thinking. Haven't you? The problem is, it is counterproductive. It never leads to contentment!

Kathy continues ... 

I really did think that the only way I could be content with life, people, even myself, was to be free from problems. So my thoughts often rehearsed:

• If my husband would just not work so many hours, I could be content.
• If my toddler would obey, I could be content.
• If no one would interrupt my schedule, I could be content.

But Paul's words counteract that:

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV).

It wasn't until I let God work those truths in me that I grew contented.

Here's how:

1. Contentment is a choice. Paul said he “learned” contentment. That indicates a thoughtful involvement through a change of heart.

When I was discontented, I thought “peace” was something that happened to me, rather than something I chose. Taking responsibility for my choices began a huge difference in me.

2. Contentment is not dependent on others. Paul doesn't even mention other people. He uses “I.”

We know that the Apostle Paul had lots of interactions with people who didn't cooperate with him and even tried to ruin his ministry. He was beaten, imprisoned, misunderstood, slandered, and many other very hurtful things. Yet he didn't blame those things or people.

Unfortunately, I didn't learn that quickly and my discontent birthed anger, depression, and bitterness because people weren't cooperating with my needs. But finally, I realized that contentment comes from knowing I can't change anyone else, only myself. Only God can change others.

3. Contentment comes from trusting God. Although Paul's words don't specifically mention trusting God, we know that Paul trusted God. It was that kind of trust that enabled him to surrender to whatever God had for him: plenty, hunger, abundance or need. He believed God loved him and wanted only the best for him.

Basically, discontent is telling God, “You don't know what you're doing. You don't love me. I demand things be different.” I communicated my distrust of God through my demand that (1) my husband meet my needs, (2) my child obey—thus making me look good, and (3) everyone respect my schedule.

But when I truly believed God loved me, that set me free from demanding God do it my way. He knew best!

These three truths began to transform my thinking. I actually did become content. My thoughts became:

• “Even if Larry never changes, I can be the contented woman God wants me to be.”
• “Even if my child disobeys in public, God knows I love her.”
• “Even if people don't respect my schedule, God has a better plan in the interruption.”

Now, many years later, my husband and I just celebrated forty-four years of marriage and we couldn't be happier. My children love me and want to please me. Although my schedule still gets interrupted,  God is fulfilling His plan.

It really is possible to be content!

What are your “what ifs” and what truth do you need to believe to become more content?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 50 books and her speaking in over 30 states and 7 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com and you can sign up for her e-newsletter at http://eepurl.com/UpP8n. In January, 2015, Kathy's newest book will be released: Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood). You can order Kathy's book, Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries: Finding Peace in All Kinds of Weather at http://bit.ly/1qlceir.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

How to Grow Faith at the Cellular Level

Author and pastor’s wife Rhonda Rhea always tickles my funny bone, right before she whops me right upside the head with truth!

“My kids are all in their early twenties and all very tech-savvy, so it was really funny the other day

when they saw one of the earliest cell phones,” Rhonda says. “I’m talking vintage here—just this side of fossilized. And huge. A dinosaur in every way.”

            

If you know the kind of phones Rhonda’s talking about, you’re dating yourself. Dr. Martin Cooper (pictured here) is credited with creating the first cell phone for Motorola. Imagine holding that to your ear for while … can you say, “Muscle cramp”?

Rhonda continues …

I dubbed the phone “Cell-a-saurus Rex.” My kids thought it must be some sort of coffee grinder. I think one of them was trying to get it to churn butter.

If you want to know what it was really like with those first mobile phones, try holding your microwave oven upside your head. All the mobile phone bells and whistles? I’m pretty sure on those first phones, they were actual bells and whistles.

I told my kids that I thought people probably had a tough time back then knowing if a guy was listening to his boom box or talking on his cell phone. Of course, then I had to explain what a boom box was. I told them it was a giant mp3 player.

I’m thankful technology is always evolving, coming up with something bigger and better.

Or sometimes something smaller and better.

Sometimes size is pretty relative. I want a big faith. I really do. I want super-sized faith with all the bells and whistles. But when the disciples asked Jesus to give them bigger faith, Jesus answered in a rather surprising way.

In Luke 17:5 the disciples said to Jesus, “Increase our faith.” Jesus’ answer? “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you’” (HCSB).

Matthew tells us that Jesus said, “For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you,’” (Matthew 17:20, HCSB).

According to Jesus Himself, with even the tiniest faith, we can do huge things. Impossible things. Impossible things like bearing fruit in our ministries. Even finding great joy in it.

It’s not so much the SIZE of the faith as it is WHO the faith is in.

A faith planted firmly in Christ and an obedient response to His lordship makes a huge impact on life. Mountainous!

It’s good to remember that faith grows at the deepest part of who we are. At the “cellular” level, if you will. Not just the surface parts. Not even just the p-dub service parts. But all the way to the heart.

Paul tells us in Romans 10:17 that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Don’t you love it that His Word teaches us about His character, His history, His power and His incomparable trustworthiness?

Studying the character of God has changed my faith. It always changes our faith—all the way down to our deepest, heart-of-heart parts. The more we study Him through His Word, and the more we know Him, the more we respond in obedience, and the more our faith grows.

How has God’s Word deepened your faith? Increased your faith? Stretched your faith?

Rhonda Rhea is a humor columnist, radio personality, speaker and author of 10 books, including How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take to Change a Person?, Espresso Your Faith - 30 Shots of God's Word to Wake You Up and a book designed to encourage Pastor’s Wives (P-Dubs): Join the Insanity. This sunny pastor’s wife lives near St. Louis and is “Mom” to five grown children. Find out more at www.RhondaRhea.com.

Note: Post is excerpted/adapted from Chapter 10, Join the Insanity.