You Can't Move from Broken to Beautiful Overnight

Yvonne Ortega is a survivor, but also a thriver! I know her uplifting UPGRADE story about change will encourage anyone who feels broken by circumstances.

“For years, at least five times a week, I sat at the beach with my journal and cried until my head ached and my eyes were swollen,” Yvonne says. “My mind swirled with questions: Will I ever be strong and stand up for myself? When will I feel free and peaceful? When will I laugh and enjoy life again?”

Ever struggle with those thoughts? I (Dawn) did when my husband and I faced a drastic ministry change—not our choice. I wondered if I’d ever be able to “smile from the heart” and trust people again. God was faithful. But I wish I’d known these helpful tips.

Yvonne continues . . .

You may wonder how I changed. Here are three tips I learned about change.

1. I realized “change requires hard work.”

My work included daily journaling, prayer, Bible study, Bible memory verses, praise and worship, individual counseling and a divorce recovery group.

I claimed several favorite Bible memory verses and reviewed them frequently. One was Philippians 1:6 (NIV):

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

What hard work will your change require?

2. I accepted the fact that change takes time.

I didn’t accept that fact easily, but I couldn’t rush the healing of a broken heart from divorce anymore than I could rush the healing of a broken arm or a broken leg. The healing time required patience.

The Lord brought James 5:7-8 to mind. That passage says,

“Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.”

Your broken heart may not be from divorce. It may be from the loss of a loved one, a major move in which you left family and friends behind, or a prodigal child. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Trust God to help you.

3. I celebrated each step of progress.

After I finished aggressive chemotherapy and thirty-three rounds of radiation, a friend and I drove to the beach for a few days to celebrate. My retired missionary friends let us use their beach house free of charge.

We walked on the beach in the morning and again at night and made sandcastles. We splurged on a seafood dinner and bought a Dairy Queen Blizzard for dessert. I had dreamed of enjoying a Blizzard after treatment.

When I reached the five-year mark of being cancer-free, several friends and I celebrated at a restaurant. I took a pink tablecloth, pink confetti, and a pink balloon.

What small step of progress will you celebrate this week?

Those old days of crying at the beach until my head ached and my eyes were swollen are a faint memory. Now I have fun at the beach.

On a women’s retreat this month, a friend and I collected shells, chatted and laughed as we walked on the sand. Every time my roommate and I were in the room, we opened the door to hear the sound of the waves. We felt refreshed when we returned home.

I did find happiness, freedom and peace, but not overnight.

I laugh often and enjoy life far more than I ever imagined possible. You can too.

What do you need to change in your life? What will you do this week to start the process?

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward (paperback, Kindle) and Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Kindle), both available at amazon.com/books. She not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Find out more about Yvonne at her website.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of foto76 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Turn Guilt into Growth

Poppy Smith is full of fun and passion, but it's her commitment to biblical truth that makes her a fountain of wisdom. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she encourages us to use guilt in a positive, life-transforming way.

“Guilty feelings happen,” says Poppy. “Guilt is a universal emotion that’s built into people. But as followers of Jesus, God doesn’t want us wallowing in self-condemnation. Instead, He calls us to receive His mercy, forgiveness, and power to move forward and start afresh.”

I (Dawn) was one of those "always guilty" kids. I always thought I'd done something wrong, even when I hadn't. Later in life, I learned to distinguish between real and false guilt, but it still took me a while to recognize the power of God's grace. So I can't tell you how much I appreciate this message of hope from Poppy.

She continues:

During a stop-over in Singapore several years ago, I had the opportunity to witness a Hindu festival.

Streams of men marched by their faces skewered with long, thin, metal rods. Some rods went through their top lip, tongue, and bottom lip. Others pierced through both cheeks. Small metal hooks, inserted into the men’s backs and chests, supported elaborate wire cages decorated with feathers and flowers.

This annual festival, called Thaipusam, celebrated the victory of Lord Murugan, the son of Shiva, over evil. Shiva’s devotees willingly underwent this painful ritual to express thanks for blessings received, gain special favors, and to atone for their sins.

Believers in Jesus Christ don’t have to atone for sin through the pain of skewered flesh! We’ve been set free from both the power and penalty for sin by the atoning death of God’s Son on the Cross.

The apostle Paul writes, “Since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us” (Romans 5:1, NLT).

Even knowing this truth, we too often allow our failures to drag us down emotionally and spiritually. But this doesn’t have to be the outcome. Instead, our guilty feelings can help us grow in honesty, humility, and hope of transformation. 

Here are three truths that have helped me in my trip-up, get-up journey with Jesus:

1. Deal with Guilt.

Don’t hide from guilty feelings, shove them under the rug, or pretend they don’t exist.

Simply respond with gratitude and humility knowing that “If we confess our sins, He (God) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

2. Delight in God’s grace.

Speak words of grace, not condemnation to yourself. No matter how you’ve failed, God promises to continue to work in you (Phil.1:6).

God doesn’t deal with us according to what we deserve but, instead, invites us to rejoice in His ever-flowing grace—unearned and life-transforming.

3. Discover where you need to grow.

Dr. Charles Stanley counsels, “Glean a lesson from your failures, but don’t frame them and hang them on the wall of your emotions for constant viewing.”

“The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways” (Proverbs 14:8).

Whatever your particular weakness, be honest and acknowledge it. Ask the Holy Spirit’s help to see what’s behind your wrong attitude or action, and where you’re vulnerable.

Don’t let failure discourage you. We are human and in a life-long growth process.

Instead, recognize that every stumble is an invitation to come closer to God, to know ourselves more deeply, and to celebrate the fact that He has atoned for our sins—and we won’t ever need to skewer ourselves to win His favor!

How do you handle feelings of failure and guilt? What do you need to do differently to grow through this experience?

Poppy Smith is a former Bible Study Fellowship lecturer who speaks and writes out of a passion to make God known. This article on turning failure into a learning experience is adapted from her book, Reaching Higher: Ten Dynamic Truths from Abraham that Will Transform Your Life. Follow Poppy on her blog, Inspiring YOU to Thrive!

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Look Up!

Ava Pennington is an author and speaker with a strong focus on the practical applications of God's Word. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she encourages us to think about our perspective.

“Look where you’re going!” My mother’s words echo in my memory," Ava said. "I had my share of scraped knees as a child, often because I did not look where I was going."

Do you hear those motherly words echoing in your thoughts too? I (Dawn) can't tell you how many times I heard them, usually after I took a tumble. (One of my nicknames in high school was "Klutz-illa." But I digress.)

Ava continues . . .

“Look where you’re going” is good advice. Whether hiking through a forest or setting budget goals to manage my finances, it helps to be aware of where I am and where I want to be.

But sometimes I can be too focused on my goals.

When I’m hurting, I tend to concentrate on the pain or focus on what I think might bring relief.

I’m often like the invalid described in John’s gospel. This man sat in a crowd by a pool believed to have restorative powers. The disabled and infirm anxiously waited for the water to stir. Tradition held that when an angel moved the water, the first person in the pool would receive miraculous healing.

I can only imagine the intense focus of each person’s gaze. Watching for even the smallest ripple, waiting . . . yearning . . . desperate for relief.

But in order to watch the water, they needed to keep their gaze lowered. They were limited by their physical condition, but also limited by a perspective that always had them looking down.

Until Jesus entered the picture.

“Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6) A simple question with an obvious answer. But this invalid was so focused on what he thought was the solution that he failed to recognize the One who was the real solution. Instead of answering the question, he provided excuses for why he could not be healed.

“Sir, I have no one to help me . . . .” (John 5:7)

Looking up is not just a physical posture, it’s a spiritual posture as well.

How often do we focus on our problems or pursue wrong choices for relief? We compound our suffering because we do not look up. We fail to include Jesus in the equation.

Looking up may not immediately change our physical condition. It may not ever change our circumstances. But it will help us maintain an eternal perspective.

I’ve found that looking up requires me to:

1. Be intentional about what I allow to consume my thoughts.

The apostle Paul counseled: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 NIV).

2. Choose to trust God regardless of my circumstances.

Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV).

3. Repeat these two steps again and again!

Practice may not make perfect, but it helps us establish God-honoring habits. Paul wrote, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:9 NIV).

“Look where you’re going!” was, indeed, good advice. I just need to remember the eternal component and view my circumstances with my heavenly Father’s perspective. For that, I really do need to keep looking up!

On what do you focus during your trials? Are you concentrated on what you think are the answers to your problems? Look up! Whether or not Jesus changes your physical situation, He will uphold you through it and give you an eternal perspective.

Ava Pennington’s newest book, Daily Reflections on the Names of God: A Devotional, is endorsed by Kay Arthur, founder of Precept Ministries. She has also written numerous magazine articles and is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers (AWSA) and the Christian Authors Network (CAN). Ava also teaches a weekly Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) class. She is a passionate speaker who engages audiences with relevant, enjoyable presentations. Visit her at AvaWrites.com.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Three Times to Say 'Yes"

"I’ve noticed many women, in recent years, mentioning the idea of saying 'yes' to God," says Dawn Wilson. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she encourages us with three kinds of “yes” responses to the Lord, using words from three special ladies.

It all begins with the heart. First, there is:

1. The Yes of Surrender

James entreats Christians, "Submit yourselves therefore to God" (James 4:7a). In Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Revive Our Hearts outreaches (True Woman and Revive conferences), one of the interesting facets is a focus on immediate obedience when God speaks to women through His Word or through the Holy Spirit during the messages and prayer times.

In these conferences, women receive gift bags, and in the bag is a white hankie with the words, “Yes, Lord!” embroidered in the corner. Women are encouraged to wave their “white flag” of surrender to the Lord when He speaks, showing their willingness to obey. This idea is spelled out in Nancy’s book, Surrender: The Heart God Controls.

“To call Him Lord means to say Yes—to His will, His Word and His ways,” Nancy wrote. “We cannot call Him Lord and then proceed to run our own lives. . . .

“To some, that type of surrender might seem to be bondage; but those who have bowed the knee—those who have laid down their arms and waved the white flag of surrender—know that it is the only pathway to true freedom. And with that surrender comes a host of blessings . . . I have seen this so many times in my own life that I often look back and wonder, Why did I ever resist the will of God?” (1)

In her book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, Lysa TerKeurst wrote, “You don’t need perfect circumstances to be a woman who says yes to God. . . . You simply have to surrender all that’s clamoring for attention in your heart with the answer God is longing to hear spill from your lips—‘Yes, God.” (2)

A surrendered heart is the launching pad for a surrendered life.

Then, we have to respond with:

2. The Yes of Action

James reminds us of the importance of being "doers" of the word" (James 1:22). In her book, Following God One Yes at a Time, Connie Cavanaugh wrote about “moving forward” with our yes.

“When God points you in a certain direction, say ‘yes’ with your feet. One simple, immediate, possible yes leads to another, and another, as you obey His directives and attain your dreams.

“Move forward even if it looks like the water won’t hold you (like Peter stepping out of the boat), even if you’re not sure where you’ll end up (like Abraham when he left Ur), and even if it looks like it doesn’t make sense (like Abraham about to sacrifice Isaac).

“When you move, you’ll begin to hear Him more clearly. Why? One simple reason: You have put yourself in a place you can’t make it without Him. You need Him now to pursue and realize His and your dream. This “active need” sharpens your spiritual hearing. The absolutely best place to hear from God is while you’re moving forward to achieve the dream because you are in the center of His will.” (3)

We must not take our “yes” lightly. There are times we need real wisdom to consider the best response. Paul told believers to church show discernment "so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:9-10).

Lysa TerKeurst’s book, The Best Yes, highlights the importance of saying yes to God in order to make wise decisions in the midst of our endless daily demands. I call it:

3. The Yes of Discernment

“I miss Best Yes opportunities sometimes because I simply don’t know they’re part of the equation," Lysa wrote. "I get all twisted up in making the decision to check either the Yes or No box, not realizing there is a third box that reads Best Yes.

“. . . What is a Best Yes, you ask. . . . In God’s plan, you’ve got a part to play. If you know it and believe it, you’ll live it. You’ll live your life making decisions with the Best Yes as your best filter. You’ll be a grand display of God’s Word lived out. Your undistracted love will make your faith ring true. Your wisdom will help you make decisions that will still be good tomorrow.” (4)

There are likely many other times and reasons to say “yes” to God. But do any of these three speak to you today? What will you do to respond to the Lord?

 Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Sources:

(1) Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Surrender: the Heart God Controls, (Moody Publishers, 2008), pp. 161, 163.

(2) Lysa TerKeurst, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, (Harvest House, 2007), pp. 13-14)

(3) Connie Cavanaugh, Following God One Yes at a Time, (Harvest House, 2011), pp. 80-81.

(4) Lysa TerKeurst, The Best Yes, (Thomas Nelson, 2014), pp. 5-6.

The Day the Dryer Died

Deedra Scherm is a wife and parent with tremendous creativity and a sense of adventure. As she explains in this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, sometimes the challenges in our lives need some help from outside.

“A biblical man helped me with my laundry,” Deedra said, “and some other life challenges too!”

When I (Dawn) read that statement, I wondered who that "biblical man" might be! But knowing Deedra, I knew I was about to get a valuable lesson.

Deedra continues . . .

So the other day the dryer broke.  And perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if I was already caught up with the laundry loads, but I'd let a few days slip by.  

The repair part was quickly put on order. It would be almost a week before it arrived and my husband and youngest son watched the youtube video that helped them take it apart and put that glorious contraption back together.  

And then washing began.  There were clothes everywhere . . . lined up in the hall next to the laundry room, folded over the backs of every chair and spread over every couch, sitting outside the doors of the boys' room, and across every bed.

Of course, while focusing on the piles of laundry, I sort of neglected other housekeeping items like vacuuming, dusting and dishes. My house was a mess. Y'all, it was a "if-child-protectective-services-came-for-a-visit-they-might-take-your-kids-away" mess.  

I know it's just supposed to be laundry but I just WANTED. TO. STOP.

I was tired and feeling like a mom who didn't even know how to keep her house clean for her kids and family! Other people don't live like this, right? It's just laundry!

Do you ever feel like that in other areas of your life? I do. I often battle with knowing what things I think I should do and then actually being able to do them. Whether it's cleaning the house, eating better, exercising more, preparing my kids, or excelling creatively in my work. Maybe I'm just too old, or too tired, or just inadequate to tackle the job in front of me.  

I asked God to show me what I needed to learn in this area. And then I started to read and learn more about a man in the Bible who seemed to know how to "clean house."

Caleb was this guy who, when everyone else around him seemed to have trouble moving forward, he didn't. When there was something to be done, he could.

The problems of fear and fatigue and inadequacy didn't seem to slow him—even when he might have had reasons to fall back on those things.  Yep. That's what I want.

So this is what I found:

Caleb believed that when God calls, He provides.

That's it. Just fully believing that when God calls, He provides.

The story of Caleb inspires me. I saw this theme through the story of Caleb's life. I saw him facing and overcoming some of the feelings I face.

I've been applying Caleb's example to my life, and have discovered when God calls me to do something and I fully trust Him to provide, three things are true:

1) Trust Dulls the Fear of Failure.  

In Exodus, when the Israelites were freed from slavery and headed to the land they had been promised, a group went in and reported back about the land. Most all of the men felt they couldn't go in because of the "giants" there. They were afraid. But Caleb knew God was with them. He told the people, "do not be afraid" (Numbers 14:9). 

Caleb fully trusted God and that gave him the ability to move forward . . . without anxiety.    

2) Trust Lessens the Fight of Fatigue.

After the people entered the Promised Land, the land was divided up among the twelve tribes. Caleb— who was over 80 years old!—was given land that still had enemies Israel needed to drive out. Knowing this was God's calling, Caleb said, "I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then" (Joshua 14:11).

Caleb fully trusted God and that gave him the strength to move forward . . . without being weary.

3) Trust Dissolves the Frenzy of Feeling Inadequate.  

Caleb could have looked around and compared himself to others, but he didn't need to. He already knew he was "different" and there was no need to compare.

God said, "Caleb has a different spirit and follows Me wholeheartedly" (Numbers 14:24).

It's because of that difference Caleb inherited the land and was able to drive out the enemies—which, by the way, none of the others were able to do.  

Caleb fully trusted God and that gave him the ability to move forward . . . without feeling less-than.

Caleb went wholeheartedly into the land and drove out the enemy. If the others had cleaned out their land as God asked, they would have had security and peace.

Is there a place in your life that needs some attention or cleaning up? A place you have neglected? Maybe God has put on your heart a relationship that needs to be addressed. Perhaps it's a change in your work or a book that needs writing. Maybe it's a habit that needs breaking, or forgiveness that needs giving.  

What has God called you to do but fear, fatigue or comparison has kept you from moving forward?

Don't look around at others, look up to God.

Make a decision today to wholeheartedly trust God, believing, "If He calls, He will provide." Just like He did for Caleb. Set your eyes on God, and trust that He will give you strength.

Even if you are floating on a sea of dirty laundry.  

Did you identify an area of your life that needs some attention?

Deedra Scherm lives in Dallas with her husband and three boys. Between homeschooling and writing, she’s on constant watch for “parents night out” so she and her hubby can get one of those things called a date night. You can find Deedra’s  bestselling book, The ABC Bible Verse Book, and other books and DVDs at lemonvision.com or amazon.com.