Leadership: A Tale of Two Cities

Nali Hilderman’s love of women’s history and Christian theology gives her an impassioned desire to help women make a difference in today’s culture. In this Leadership UPGRADE, she challenges our thinking.

“While there are many different theories regarding leadership,” Nali says, “there are some key differences between how the world defines it and how the Bible defines it.”

I (Dawn) love to read leadership blogs—both Christian and secular, and I know she is right. A biblical perspective on leadership not only changes our motives; it also changes our methodology.

Nali continues . . .

In the fifth century, Saint Augustine wrote a now famous treatise titled “The City of God.” Augustine explained some key differences between the rule and attitude of the “city of man”— ruling empires of the world—and the “city of God” (which is made up of the followers of Christ and His church). 

This idea of comparison can be applied to theories related to leadership in today’s modern world. While there are many different theories regarding leadership, there are some key differences between how the world defines it and how the Bible defines it.

Colossians 2:8 commands us not to be taken captive by philosophies of this world, but rather to focus on Christ.

As Christ’s followers it is wise for us to understand these distinctions and seek to live out the principles of the City of God in our leadership.

Distinction #1

The City of Man considers power over others as a key component of leadership. Society tends to laud those who are wealthy, powerful and successful as leaders.

However, the City of God considers serving others as the key component of leadership. Christ admonished His disciples when they asked who will be the greatest among them. He told them they are not to rule as the Gentiles do. He says that the last shall be first in the Kingdom of Heaven and that He Himself did not come to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:24-28). 

Ask yourself, “How am I using my leadership in regard to others? Am I lauding my power over others, or am I serving others for their betterment?

Distinction #2

The City of Man considers influence as a key descriptor of leadership. Society tends to value the number of blog posts, YouTube views, Twitter followers, and albums sold as indicators for who is “leading.” Often, leaders in the City of Man wield their influence for selfish and worldly gain. 

While the City of God also values influence as a key component of leadership, the purposes driving influence are wholly different.

We are not to lead for selfish gain, but are commanded in scripture to not think more highly of ourselves than we ought.

Also we are to pursue compassion, love, righteousness, and truth (Philippians 2:3-5, Colossians 3:12-15).

In his book, Creation Regained: A Reformational Worldview, author Albert Wolters challenges:

"Anything in creation can be directed either toward or away from God—that is, directed either in obedience or disobedience to His law. *

As you lead today, take time to reflect on whether your leadership is turning people towards fulfilling their own selfish ambition or towards a spirit of love and truth.

How you are wielding power and influence in the lives of others? Have you been “taken captive” by the world’s philosophy of leadership, or are you a woman pursuing the City of God and leading others in a biblical way?

Nali Hilderman is a professor of American history at San Diego Christian College and Director the college’s Dr. Henry Morris Leadership Program. She studies women’s history and Christian theology, trying to make sense of how to be a confident, successful Christian woman who does not buy into the secular feminist mentality. She attends Journey Community Church in La Mesa, California.

* Albert M. Wolters, Creation Regained: Biblical Basics for a Reformational Worldview, (Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co, 2005), p. 49.

Anger Expert or Patience Pro?

Kathy Collard Miller is an author and speaker who encourages women to trust God. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she helps us trust the Lord with an attitude that can be destructive:  Anger! 

“Why do I keep getting angry?" Kathy said. "I want to be patient, but life and people are aggravating."

I (Dawn) used to think anger was other people's problem. I didn't have a problem losing my temper.

But if we have an undercurrent of anger, it can burst forth in other problems like bitterness, an unforgiving spirit or even something as simple as avoiding people.

Kathy continues . . . 

Life and people are aggravating. We pray for patience, but as someone has said, “Don’t pray for patience; God will give you many opportunities to practice.”

That was certainly true for me.

For many years, I was an anger expert. It was my “go-to” response. I prayed for deliverance but I still was destructively angry. In moments of temptation, I felt helpless and believed I didn’t have a choice.

But the truth is, anger is a choice.

Holding ourselves responsible rather than excusing our destructive reaction will lay a foundation for slowing down our reactions and allowing God to show us alternatives.

How can we “slow down”? When life (or someone) throws something aggravating at us, we need to literally take a deep breath and ask ourselves, “What’s going on here?”

Here are three causes of anger that you can consider in that moment.

1. Anger comes from having a goal blocked.

When we desire a certain thing and someone does something or says something that blocks that desire, we react in frustration. Unfortunately, this only means that that “certain thing” has become more important than God. We are choosing a destructive reaction to make sure we receive what we think we need and we’re not trusting that God can provide it for us.

We don’t have to force anything to happen when we truly believe God will provide what we need. He promises in Philippians 4:19:

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

In that moment of “slowing down,” ask yourself, “Is there something I value that I think is being withheld? If so, can I choose to trust that God will provide what’s best for me according to His plan?”

2. Anger’s source could be a fear of being seen a certain negative way.

Since childhood, I’ve been very sensitive to not appearing stupid. That seems horrible to me. So when someone treats or responds to me with what seems like a suggestion that I’m stupid or don’t know something, I can become angry.

Why does anger seem like a solution? Because my anger points to something they do wrong and it takes the focus off of my “stupidity.”

Sometimes, my husband, Larry, will sincerely ask me, “What were you thinking when you did that?” What do I “hear”? “You must have been stupid to choose that.” I’m embarrassed and feel shamed. So what do I do? Point the finger back onto him with an angry response by rehearsing some way that he did something wrong. But I can choose differently in God’s power.

In that moment of “slowing down,” ask yourself, “Is there some way I don’t want to be seen right now?" Regardless of how I’m viewed by others, God views me as His daughter through my inheritance in Christ, as Ephesians 1 says.

3. Anger may erupt from not knowing what else to do.

For instance, when my two-year-old disobeyed me, I felt helpless, not knowing how to respond. But forming a plan beforehand empowered me to have options. I wrote down in a column the primary ways my strong-willed daughter disobeyed me. Then in the opposite column, I wrote out one consequence I could give for each disobedience. I then posted the paper where I could see it. Having options removed my helpless feeling, and my anger.

Of course, we can’t anticipate every situation of life that might come our way, but we can try to plan as much as possible with God’s wisdom.

Then in that moment of “slowing down,” ask yourself, “What options do I have? Lord, enlighten my thinking right now. You promise in James 1:5 to give me wisdom.”

God used an awareness of these three possible causes of anger to transform my responses. I actually did become more patient . . . and wise.

Which of those three sources cause your anger most often and how does God want to use that knowledge to empower you to be more patient?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 50 books and her speaking in over 30 states and 8 foreign countries. Kathy’s latest book is Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood) from which this article has been adapted. Check it out at http://amzn.to/1ITmLfy. Visit Kathy's website/blog at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net. 

I Choose Grace

Those who know Mary James will testify to the sweetness of her spirit and the power in her songs. I asked Mary to share an UPGRADE Uplift to encourage our hearts.

“If you believe change is not possible when looking at a situation,” Mary says, “you are deciding what God’s grace is capable of achieving.”

So many times, I (Dawn) have allowed the enemy to weigh me down with regrets. When I do that, I can’t move forward. But God does not leave us without hope.

Mary continues…..

The message of God’s grace through Christ is the most beautiful gift any of us can ever possess—especially for those who have made significant mistakes along the way.

Though we may have regrets, the weight of God’s forgiveness covers our choices with a love so big that the past loses it power over us. 

I recently heard a message that sadly left listeners without this hope. Its focus was on parenting. In a nutshell, the message said, “If you do not do as Scripture instructs, you will have regrets.” 

Ok, makes sense. We know that Scripture has been given to us for a reason and will spare us much heartache. But all of us have fallen short of its expectations.

So then what?  Oh, yes . . . a heart full of regret.

As a person who the enemy loves to torment with the past, I began to squirm in my seat.  Occasionally, I squeezed my husband’s leg in almost uncontainable frustration. 

The message continued and my spirit grew heavier and heavier, especially for the men in the auditorium who were being held to the highest level of accountability.  Yet I remained hopeful and kept waiting for it . . . and waiting . . . and waiting.  

But it never came. 

There was plenty of truth, but no grace. Not a shred.

As my husband and I sat there—two people who have made a thousand mistakes as parents—we were left to see ourselves as only one thing: failures.     

Years ago, I heard Bunnie Wilson share about the remorse she had in raising her children. Her regret was that she had not taught them to have a servant's heart. But—and there was a but—she pointed us all to a new day, a new beginning, a Christ-centered resolve. 

Bunnie said that now, every time she is with her children, she models servanthood for them. What she did not teach them when they were young, she taught them as adults.

And they were changed by her efforts. 

Every parent in the room who had missed the boat in some aspect of parenting left with that hope.  I have never forgotten her reminder of God’s ability to redeem our less than perfect choices.    

If you believe change is not possible when looking at a situation, you are deciding what God’s grace is capable of achieving.

God has given us history so that we that we can learn from it, but Paul also understood the danger of living in the past.

As he wrote in Philippians 3:12-14,

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

We can live in the bondage of regret, or we can let the power of God’s grace move us into a new day. Either way it requires effort.

Regret is like carrying around that proverbial baggage, where grace requires humility: placing any limitations, grudges or shame into the hands of God.

Whether we are at the podium or in the pews, rigidity in our thinking when it comes to God’s ability to change us or restore a relationship/situation, diffuses the work of the cross. 

Oddly, our regrets can be the very things that help us understand our need for Jesus.

We must accept consequences, but God has shown us time and time again that He can take a mess and turn it into a masterpiece.  

Which do you choose? The mess or the masterpiece? Regret or grace? 

 Mary James is a Christian Artist and Speaker who has embraced the charge found in 1 Peter 2:9, that we are, “Saved to Proclaim the excellence of Him who called us out of darkness into His marvelous light.” Through her music, testimony of grace, and transparent, biblically-centered messages, Mary is devoted seeing hearts and lives healed, strengthened and transformed by Christ. Since entering ministry in 2000, she has released five full-length CDs, shared the platform with leading Bible teachers such as Dr. David Jeremiah and Kay Arthur, and is a three-time Inspirational Country Music Female Vocalist of the Year Award winner. Visit Mary's Website.

Graphic in post adapted, Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

Gail Purath’s One-minute Love Notes posts are short doses of mega-truth! In this Love UPGRADE, she nails the differences between love and lust.

“In 1984, Tina Turner's popular recording, ‘What’s love got to do with it?’ expressed confusion about love and physical attraction,” Gail said. “Most Americans are similarly confused.”

I (Dawn) have watched our society (and others around the world) reap the consequences of pursuing lust. It’s not a pretty picture. Cultures decay, lives are damaged and marriages are destroyed—all for fleeting moments of lust.

Gail continues . . .

Premarital sex has become normal behavior in our culture and many divorces involve adulterous affairs. 

Our culture's sexual confusion sometimes becomes very public—like the Tiger Woods scandal several years ago.

But physical relationships minus love are nothing new. Sadly, King David and Woods have similar stories: 

• Both men were respected and admired.  
• Both “had it all”—fame, fortune and family.  
• Both risked it all for sexual pleasure.
• Both paid a hefty price.

What did love have to do with it?

Nothing. Woods and David were controlled by lust. (1) 

The prophet Nathan gave an arresting illustration of love versus lust when he confronted King David in 2 Samuel 12.

Samuel compared Bathsheba’s husband Uriah to a poor man with one cherished lamb, and he compared David to a rich man who killed the poor man’s lamb for a single meal.

Uriah loved Bathsheba; David used her to feed his lustful appetite.

 Consider some characteristics of genuine love:

1. Genuine love involves friendship and respect.

David slept with Bathsheba when he barely knew her. He had no respect for her or he’d have been concerned with the consequences their affair had on her life, relationships and soul.

2. Genuine love involves honesty.

David and Bathsheba’s relationship—like all extramarital affairs—was built on deception. They dishonored God, their marriage vows and their bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

3. Genuine love involves commitment. If Bathsheba had not gotten pregnant, or if they’d successfully tricked Uriah, their relationship would probably have ended that night.

Modern secular studies confirm that commitment is essential for successful relationships:

“Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up…the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. (2)

Perhaps David and Bathsheba eventually grew to love each other, but nothing in Scripture reveals a close, ongoing relationship between them. When David grew old, he didn’t have a close relationship with any of his wives, but chose to keep warm at night by sleeping with a young virgin (1 Kings 1:15-17). (3)

I wonder what Bathsheba thought growing old in a palace full of David’s other wives amid the lust and murder that became part of David’s family legacy. Did she sometimes ponder the way Uriah had cherished her as his only wife? Did she ever wonder what love had to do with it?

A single night of lust changed her life forever.

Do you understand the difference between lust and love? Is there even a hint of lust in your relationships? If you have any doubt about the characteristics of love, read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Gail Purath has been married to her best friend for 44 years, living the life of a nomad here on earth (40 homes in 62 years), looking forward to her heavenly home. Mother of two, grammy of seven, Gail writes about her joys, struggles, failures and victories in her short-but-powerful 1-Minute Bible Love Notes and shares a short Bible study each week on Bite Size Bible Study.

Footnotes:

(1) Fortunately, lust can’t destroy our most important relationship—if we repent of it. David’s prayer in Psalm 51 is a testament to this. He suffered severely for his sin but remained close to the Lord through genuine repentance. 

(2) “Top Ten Marriage Myths,” by David Popenoe, [health.discovery.com, Love and Relationships Center]. Also here.

(3) There are no good examples of polygamy in Scripture. Although God allowed it, it was not part of His original design for a healthy marriage. Bible narratives confirm this.

Tearing and Healing

Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries, encourages us with a Spiritual UPGRADE, written from her unique perspective of dealing with a life of chronic illness and pain. 

Lisa asks, “How does one make sense of the scriptures where it says God will inflict trouble or suffering on us?”

I (Dawn) think that’s an age-old question. Remember the Patriarch Job’s friends, wondering why God allowed Job to suffer so?

Lisa continues . . .

Hosea told God’s people, “Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds” (Hosea 6:1).

This is a difficult verse to swallow when we are feeling beaten down. He tore us to pieces? He has injured us?

On purpose?!

Is this the loving God we worship?

Yes. It is.

For a variety of reasons outside of my illness, this has been the most difficult season in my life. Someone recently gave me a kind compliment on my endurance and faith and I replied,

“It is called ‘face-plant faith’ when you are on your knees–spiritually–every moment.”

So, of all the scriptures, why does this one bring me comfort? Because it reminds me God is still in control.

We don’t worship a God who specializes in leftovers, making something out of Satan’s mess. He can take our sins—our messed up life—and make miracles.

But do we really believe God is at the mercy of waiting for the evil one to play his games so He has something to build on?

No!

 God knew before we were born that our life would have seasons of joy and seasons of tears and He knew every cause of them.

God is much more interested in cleaning us out than cleaning us up.

He debrides us, layer by layer by layer.  He removes everything that impedes our spiritual healing.  

And it hurts. It hurts more than anything we will ever go through.

(NOTE: Lisa explains the painful  "debriding" concept so beautifully in this video.)

But we gradually depend on less of our own strength and more of His. The layers of sin get skimmed off in the fire and yet we still do not get burned.

He may withdraw His protection at times, but never His presence.

It is hard to read scriptures about God not just allowing pain, but sometimes inflicting it. But don’t forget, He is our Father. No pain is without a purpose.

God can only truly heal our heart by getting rid of the sin from the inside out.

Are you going through a tough time of “tearing” right now? Can you see how God might be “debriding” your life to heal you for your good and His glory?

Lisa Copen began Rest Ministries to encourage those who are chronically ill through daily devotionals, small groups called HopeKeepers, and other support. She is the author of a variety of books including Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend. She has lived with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia for twenty years and resides in San Diego with her husband and son.

(This post is adapted from Lisa’s devotional at RestMinistries.com, 11-4-13, “Is Our Suffering God Tearing Us to Pieces to Build Us Back Up?”