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Entries in Kathy Collard Miller (31)

Tuesday
Jan092024

Why Did God Ask Questions in the Bible?

Kathy Collard Miller has the wisdom gained from both the Word of God and practical experience, dealing with many tough issues of life from a biblical perspective. In this Biblical Discernment UPGRADE, she explores the question of . . . questions!

"Does that title question seem silly? After all, God knows everything," Kathy says.

"So why are there more than 300 questions God asked, including the questions of Jesus, as recorded in the Bible?"

Did you know there are so many questions in the Bible? I (Dawn) sure didn't. Kathy's question about questions really got me thinking. Are there questions God might be asking me that I'm not hearing? This is a good study for upgrading our biblical discernment with wisdom for living.

Kathy continues . . .

It’s true God and Jesus asked many questions in the Bible. Certainly, it’s an intriguing thought—why questions?

When I first began noticing all the questions Jesus asked (and His Father), I was surprised. I knew He knows everything, yet He still asked questions.

In fact, in the third chapter of Genesis (so soon!), He asked His first question, “Where are you?”

So why does God ask questions?

Three Ways to Consider the Questions

1. READ the Question Personally.

As we are reading the Bible, God wants us to stop and consider whether He is asking us a similar question.

For instance, if you were to read God’s question of Adam and Eve—“Where are you?”—maybe the Holy Spirit wants you to hear the inquiry of God’s heart into your heart.

He might be saying, “It’s time to evaluate the location of your heart.

Are you in a place of trust or believing lies?

Are you on a mental treadmill ruminating on reasons for worry, fear, and anxiety?"

Second Corinthians 10:5 reminds us we can "destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ."

By evaluating our thoughts, we can stop the arguments and opinions which are lies against our loving and sovereign God—just like God invited His rebellious first humans to come out of their hiding place, stop believing He wouldn’t forgive them, and receive His redemption.

2. EXAMINE the Question Wisely 

When we focus on God's and Jesus’s questions, we might begin to feel a little insecure.

Does Jesus need to ask the paralyzed man by the pool of Bethesda (John 5:1-15), “Do you want to get well?”

Does Jesus require the man’s efforts?

Is Jesus so insecure He is looking for approval or cooperation?

I would suggest Jesus asks this question to help this invalid get in touch with his hopelessness or other feelings and beliefs.

Knowing he has been there for over three decades must have drawn him into believing he would never be healed.

Jesus is asking whether he has a victim mentality. Jesus is much more interested in the man’s heart condition than whether he can run around on his two legs.

All the questions of God the Father and God the Son are about connecting with people at a spiritual level. Physical health will always end in eternal death, but salvation is for eternal life.

Maybe you are seeking health for your body. That’s great! But your loving Lord may be inquiring into your eternal posture, which is more important.

3. LOOK for God’s Character Eagerly.

The questions Father God and Jesus ask most often point to their own perfect qualities.

For instance, going back to the Garden of Eden, God, in effect, is asking,

Do you think I am blind and uncaring where you are hiding?

You have wrong thinking about who I am.

I know where you are—and I care.

With Jesus and the man by the pool, Jesus seems to also be asking, “Is your hopelessness preventing you from seeing my power to heal?”

Notice the intent of God’s questions—they usually point to His love, grace, faithfulness, mercy, kindness, wisdom, and so many other incredible perfect qualities.

He desires to draw us into more intimate connection with Him by learning the truth about Him.

Then we will seek Him more, trust him more and obey him more often.

Which of God’s and Jesus’s questions in the Bible are most meaningful to you?

Can you remember a time you noticed one of those questions and knew God was inquiring into your heart and life? What happened?

Kathy Collard Miller has continued to be in awe of God’s ability to use her through writing over 60 books and speaking in 9 foreign countries and over 30 US States. Kathy’s two books (co-written with her husband, Larry) about God’s questions are: God’s Intriguing Questions; 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature; and God’s Intriguing Questions: 40 Old Testament Devotions Revealing God’s Nature. Her other books include women’s Bible studies, Bible commentaries, compiled books, and Christian Living books. Her memoir about overcoming being an abusive mom is No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of more than 50 years, are parents, grandparents, lay counselors, and live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, photo courtesy of Sophie Janotta at Pixabay.

Thursday
Sep142023

Do You Have Spiritual Dementia?

Kathy Collard Miller is one wise woman! She's learned that wisdom in the trenches of spiritual growth. In this Spiritual Maturity UPGRADE, she creates a unique application—spiritual dementia—to physical dementia."Larry and I were challenged as we took care of his mother who had Lewy-Body Dementia," Kathy said. "Then I later realized I have spiritual dementia"

I (Dawn) wondered, "What is spiritual dementia? Do I have it? How would I know?" Kathy didn't leave me wondering.

Kathy continues . . .

My 91-year-old mother-in-law, Audrey, had wagged her finger at me, exclaiming,

“You are so mean, Kathy. You dropped me off yesterday several blocks away and I had to walk home in the hot sun.”

I was stunned how to answer. Of course, I hadn't done that, but because of her dementia, she believed it was true. She had a form of dementia called Lewy-Body (www.lbda.org) and with that came paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations.

In that journey of caring for her, Larry and I learned a lot.

To my shock and dismay, I learned I have spiritual dementia.

To some degree EVERY Christian has spiritual dementia.

Here are three primary symptoms.

1. Spiritual Delusions

Audrey had delusions which were very real to her. Nothing Larry and I said ever changed her mind about anything, even obvious proof.

I knew the Lord was speaking to me. I am faced with spiritual truth constantly, and some of it I reject.

I read the Bible and mentally cast away anything that is not within my already-determined belief system . . . or feels like too much of a challenge to obey.

I began to evaluate:

  • Am I casting away truth?
  • Am I rejecting God’s ideas because I can’t acknowledge I don’t know everything?

Romans 12:2 urges us, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (ESV).

2. Protecting Your Image

Audrey often said, “Someone stole my hearing aids.”

When I found them, she replied, “They put them back.”

Because of her paranoia, Audrey wouldn’t take responsibility because then she would be faced with knowing she is incompetent.

I see myself in her reaction.

My goal is to appear competent, dependable, and efficient. If I can’t answer some biblical question or my answer turns out to be wrong, I try to explain it in different ways. I have a hard time admitting I’m wrong.

3. Taking Things Personally

When Audrey lived in assisted living before coming to live with us, if someone was whispering, they were whispering about her. If someone was upset, they were upset with her. She took everything personally as if it was a reflection of her.

I can be the same way.

When I fixed Audrey's breakfast, she said, “I couldn't eat all the cereal because you put too little milk with it and it got too dry.”

Hearing the accusing word “you” raised defensiveness within me. I thought, “She thinks I always do everything wrong.”

But then I remembered Audrey was raised in the depression and wasting anything was shameful. She was actually saying, “I hope you won't think badly of me because I wasted the cereal. But I couldn't eat it. It’s too dry.”

Knowing the underlying reason helped me be gracious toward her and reminds me to be compassionate toward others.

Maybe it's not all about me but their own struggles.

When the new believers he mentored had problems, the Apostle Paul didn't take it personally.

He wrote,

“. . . Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God” (2 Corinthians 1:12 NIV). 

We can trust God knows the truth about us.

Every one of us struggles with spiritual dementia to some degree. God will help you just like he is helping me.

Which symptom of spiritual dementia (if any) do you struggle with?

Kathy Collard Miller has continued to be in awe of God’s ability to use her through writing over 60 books and speaking in 9 foreign countries and over 30 US States. Her newest women’s Bible study book, God’s Heart for Your Marriage (available in print and Kindle), is perfect for individual or group study. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of more than 50 years, are parents, grandparents, and lay counselors, and they live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Benjamin Balazs at Pixabay.

Tuesday
Jun062023

Ignite the Spark of Your 'Marriage Bed'

Kathy Collard Miller is a woman of courage. She's an overcomer in Christ who now shares with others how to overcome obstacles in their own lives. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she encourages women to have courage in an unlikely place—the "marriage bed."

Ahhhh, June. The month of weddings, honeymoons, and the celebration of love," Kathy says. "God is love yet we often don’t take full advantage of God’s empowering for a great marriage."

When I (Dawn) think of all the June brides, I get excited! But I also know there will be some disappointments on their honeymoons, and maybe long into their marriages. Good counsel here.

Kathy continues . . .

After 53 years of marriage, Larry and I are still amazed at the delight of God’s gift of sexual intimacy.

Hebrews 13:4 commands that the “marriage bed” be held in honor and undefiled. Yet this aspect of marriage can face many trials and misunderstandings.

Ideas for sparking your marriage bed

1. Have realistic expectations.

For our wedding night, I anticipated all the fulfillment and thrill I’d seen in the movies for years. Yet, after we left the reception, we realized we were exhausted. Plus, we realized how little we knew.

Years ago there was a song with words something like, “love comes naturally.” Not true! This area of marriage may require the biggest learning curve ever.

Don’t become discouraged if you think your husband should know everything you want.

You must communicate without demanding what you prefer. And be patient knowing you both are learning.

2. Sexual intimacy is a mystery.

Solomon—who had lots of wives—wisely wrote,

Three things are too wonderful for me;
    four I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
    the way of a serpent on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
    and the way of a man with a virgin. (Proverbs 30:18-19 ESV).

Don’t you hear the delight and yet the challenge of a couple getting to know each other?

The wisest man on earth says four things are “too wonderful for me” to understand, and one of them is “the way of a man with a virgin.”

Sexual union is a wonderful thing and yet something that is unique to the husband and the wife.

There’s no magic formula.

One of the most curious commands in the Bible is about honeymooners. Moses wrote in Deuteronomy 24:5:

When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.”

Sounds to me like God didn’t say, “I expect they’ll learn everything about each other in a month or two.”

No, He knew first of all, a military man would think a lot about his new bride at home and be distracted on the field. But also, being away from each other is not good for their new relationship, and God wanted to set them up in the best way for a lasting marriage.

Unfortunately, not every newlywed couple can have unlimited time together, but at least they can return home daily (in most cases).

3. The wonderment never has to subside.

The possible wonderment includes those married for a while, or a long time.

God has made the sexual union so vast in variety, that the connection can be a unique one each time.

Don’t ever think you have arrived or that you are bored. With some imagination and a desire to learn new things about your beloved, your delight can continue.

And be sure to read to each other The Song of Songs—it’s about sex!

4. You and your husband are not alone when experiencing obstacles.

No, I’m not saying you should include others.

I’m pointing out that your past, the way you were raised, the belief system you were taught, and what you’ve heard in the media are other “participants” in your marriage, especially in the marriage bed.

All of those truths and lies are swirling in your brain and body and becoming obstacles or blessings.

Unfortunately, any kind of abuse, especially physical or sexual harm, can block the freedom God wants you to enjoy with each other.

Fear of being treated in the same way you were in the past can destroy the trust that is needed to abandon your body to your spouse.

This is an area where a counselor may be needed. Know that God wants to help you and your spouse enjoy intimacy because He made your body capable of great pleasure.

Whatever struggle you have is weak in comparison to your Heavenly Father’s power. You will feel intimidated but be courageous to share with your spouse about your desires and preferences.

What struggle seems too strong to ask for help from God?

Kathy Collard Miller has continued to be in awe of God’s ability to use her through writing over 60 books and speaking in 9 foreign countries and over 30 US States. Her memoir, No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom (available in print, Kindle, and audio) is her story about overcoming anger and being a positive parent. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of more than 50 years, are parents, grandparents, lay counselors, and live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Victoria Regen at Pixabay.

Tuesday
May022023

Feeling Like a Failure as a Mom?

Kathy Collard Miller is treasure, shaped by God for specific ministry—reaching women who deal with anger issues, and teaching how to be a positive parent. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she reaches out to women who feel like failures in motherhood—an insightful post before Mother's Day.

"Don’t be alarmed," Kathy says. "Every mother at one point or another feels like a failure, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t have help to improve her parenting skills."

I (Dawn) like that word "every." I am not alone in my mothering regrets. All mothers wish we could go back and redo something in our imperfect parenting. But what does God have to say about this?

Kathy continues . . .

If anyone could say they are a failure as a mom, it would be me.

Over 40 years ago, I was an abusive mom of our toddler daughter.

I feared I would kill her in one of my rages.

It seemed God had given up on me, because no matter how much I prayed to be a godly mother, nothing changed. Suicide seemed the only option, and I almost took my life.

But God intervened, gave me hope, and also gave me biblical and practical help to become the loving mom I wanted to be. Today, our family is intact and has healthy relationships.

So what can you do when mothering is overwhelming and feels hopeless?

Hope for "Failing" Moms

1. The story isn’t finished.

This might sound like a pat answer, but we feel hopeless because everything is going wrong. We believe our child’s life is ruined forever.

Think of the disciples while Jesus is in the grave. For three days they had no clue God was going to bring hope to the whole world through an astounding, unexpected act—the resurrection.

I certainly had no clue that God would not only help me become a patient mom and heal my daughter’s wounded heart, He would also open ministry doors that has included sharing my story in nine foreign countries, having over 60 books published, and sharing God’s hope in over 30 U.S. states.

None of us can predict how our powerful Father will use what seems hopeless. Because then His glory is brighter than ever.

2. What you are struggling with is only preparation for sharing help and hope with others.

Initially, I prayed for an instantaneous deliverance from my anger.

I couldn’t possibly comprehend any good coming from struggle.

But as I learned more and more, I could teach parenting classes and workshops.

I Peter 1:6-7 (ESV) tells us,

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

3. Have courage to share your struggle knowing you are not alone.

Satan loves to keep sin in the darkness of secrets. I thought I was the only one struggling.

I remember sitting during our church service after being angry toward our daughter that morning. I sat trying not to cry, and yet my heart was breaking.

The woman sitting next to me seemed visibly disturbed because I was so upset. I knew she didn’t know what to do, but I feared sharing because she would condemn me.

In time, God gave me the courage to share in the neighborhood Bible study I led, and my friends didn’t condemn me. They began to pray for me and hold me accountable.

James 5:16 (ESV) commands us,

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

I saw God keep His promise of delivering me when I accepted His courage to tell others.

Whatever struggle you have is absolutely weak in comparison to your Heavenly Father’s power.

You will feel intimidated, but be courageous to share with others. If no one will help, keep sharing until you find the wise counselor you need.

What struggle seems too strong to ask for help from God and others?

Kathy Collard Miller has continued to be in awe of God’s ability to not only release His children from sin’s grasp, but also to use what He teaches us. God has used His journey for her through His opportunities to write over 60 books, speak in 9 countries and more than 30 U.S. states. Her memoir, No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom (available in print, Kindle, and audio) is her story, which also includes practical, biblical ideas for overcoming anger and being a positive parent. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of more than 50 years, are parents, grandparents, and lay counselors. They live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Liza Summer at Pexels.

 

Thursday
Jan052023

Courage for Resisting the 'Fear of Man'

Kathy Collard Miller's focus on the believer's identity in Christ has helped her navigate many issues in life, and she encourages others in that journey as well. In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she encourages trust in God's love and concern for us rather than getting caught up in what others think—the "fear of man.""I suffer from the 'fear of man,' Kathy says. "Proverbs 29:25 says, 'The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe' (ESV)."

I (Dawn) am sure every one of us has been caught in that snare at some time in life, and some people have a greater tendency to get caught. It takes courage and intentionality to fight against the destructive fear of man.

Kathy continues . . .

I was recently surprised to find some powerful wisdom in Isaiah 51:12-13 (ESV) for fighting the fear of man.

Those verses say:

   I, I am he who comforts you;
       who are you that you are afraid of man who dies,
       of the son of man who is made like grass,
    and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker,
       who stretched out the heavens
       and laid the foundations of the earth,
    and you fear continually all the day
       because of the wrath of the oppressor,
    when he sets himself to destroy?
       And where is the wrath of 
the oppressor?

The fear of man—who may feel like an “oppressor”—comes from thinking other people are the best source of what we need.

In verse 12, God says He offers comfort to us. The Hebrew word “comfort” has the idea of expressing sympathy.

Quite often when we fear the opinions of "man," we are looking for understanding, approval, and affirmation from others.

When people seem to come through for us, we feel “comforted” in knowing we are a person of value.

How can we resist that snare and trust God instead based on Isaiah 51:12-13?

Truths to Consider

1. The comfort from other people is temporary, but God’s is eternal.

Someone may offer us what we want, but the next time she may fail us. Only God’s opinion of us never changes.

2. Only God is wise enough to truly know what we need.

If God wisely and powerfully created us, He knows our real, valid needs. He provided the demonstration of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins when we don’t deserve it. No one else can do that for us.

Ephesians 1:3-14 offers the fullest, most concise identifiers of believers in the Bible. God says because of our inheritance through Christ, we are identified as blameless, forgiven, blessed, holy, redeemed, loved, chosen, predestined, conformed, secure and other declarations of who we are in His view of us.

3. Recognize how the fear of man creates stress.

Living in God’s love brings love, joy, peace, and other fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

4. What we fear usually isn’t as bad as we anticipate.

In effect, God says through Isaiah, “Is it really as bad as you anticipated?” Sometimes it does feel as horrible, but when we see how God wants to affirm our worth and value, we can also see how we grow from the challenge.

Early in my marriage to Larry, I was afraid of his displeasure. I carefully tried to evaluate his every reaction and then change my behavior based on what I assumed he was “telling me.”

In time, I read about the “fear of man” and was convicted of putting Larry’s opinion of me higher than God’s.

One day, Larry seemed irritated. I boldly asked, “Larry, you look angry. Are you mad at me?”

He looked surprised and replied, “Do I? No, I’m not mad at you. I was thinking about work.”

From that day on, I learned to ask instead of assume.

Here are some practical suggestions for diminishing the fear of man.

  • Memorize and meditate on Isaiah 51:12-13.
  • Ask yourself exactly what it is you fear.
  • Make a list of your inheritance in Christ as Ephesians 1:3-14 defines you. Put it in several prominent places in your home and work space.
  • Forgive others who respond to you out of their own hurt and pain. Their reaction says nothing about how valuable you are and how loved you are by God.

How can you more effectively allow God to comfort you instead of a person’s opinion of you?

Kathy Collard Miller has long depended on her identity in Christ to grow in resisting the snare of the fear of man. God has used His journey for her through His opportunities to write over 60 books, speak in 9 countries and over 30 US states. One of her newer books is Pure Hearted: The Blessings of Living Out God’s Glory where she expands on knowing our identity in Christ. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of 52 years, are parents, grandparents, lay counselors, and live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Pexels at Pixabay.