Cultivate the Beauty of Gratitude at Home

There's nothing more precious in this culture of entitlement than a grateful, appreciative child, as we can see in this Parenting UPGRADE by Dawn Wilson.

I've learned a lot about parenting from the Word of God ... but also at Wal-mart.

What I mean is, I see examples of good parenting and poor parenting almost every time I shop there!

Two cases in point:

There was a little girl in the grocery section who whined constantly that she wanted this and that, wearing down her frazzled mom's nerves. I heard her a couple of aisles away, but ran into them in the cookie aisle.

Finally, the mother gave in and got her daughter the cookies she wanted. The whiney daughter didn't even say "thank you."

And you think she'd be satisfied. But no ... she started asking for more.

And then there was an adorable boy—same store, same day—a little older than the girl. I was in the toy department, looking for a hula hoop. The boy was waiting for his mom while she priced some beach toys.

"Mom, can I get this water gun?" he asked, fingering a big, powerful-looking, high-grade water cannon.

"Honey, you know we can't afford that right now," Mom said. "Maybe for your birthday."

"Yeah, I know," the boy said as he stood quietly by the cart.

Suddenly, the mom picked up two water pistols—much more affordable. "How about these?" she said, "one for you and one for Charlie."

The boy's mouth dropped open in a huge smile. "Thanks, Mom!"

Even though I overheard these two families' conversations, I could have guessed a lot about them without any words, simply by the spirit they communicated at the store.

I thought: Man, that girl was a pain, but I'd take that boy home in an instant! What a sweetie!

There's beauty and grace in gratitude, but an unthankful heart is just plain ugly.

Certainly we are to be grateful to God (Psalm 136:1; Colossians 3:17) and in the circumstances of life (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20); but we need to give thanks for and to people as well (Ephesians 1:16; Colossians 3:15). Many times this gratitude surfaces as pronouncing a blessing on others, or a willingness to repay them in kind because of what they have done for us (see 2 Samuel 2:6).

"Abounding in thanksgiving" is part of our walk of faith (Colossians 2:6-7); it should be evident in our lives.

I do believe some temperament types are more conducive to thankfulness, but gratitude can be cultivated by anyone. And parents have the responsibility to teach it to their children. To model it.

So how do we fight the "entitlement culture" and cultivate the beauty of gratitude at home?

It's E-E-E-E-E-asy.

1. Encourage appreciation for others in the home. Be intentional. Tell them why you love them. Thank them sincerely when they serve you or finish a task you've asked them to do.

2. Explain to your children how others serve them with time, effort, money and other resources. Make them more aware of things they can be grateful for in daily living.

3. Educate everyone in the family in how to write thank you notes (a lost art in modern culture), and how to tell someone "thank you" in a sincere, meaningful way.

4. Express gratitude (verbally or in a note) for the special things your family members and friends do for you - for their encouragement, counsel, gifts and other things you receive.

5. Enlist your family to create "thank you" gifts. Make small gift boxes or baskets for those who serve your family—your dentist or hairdresser, for example. (Note: Your payment is "expected" for services rendered; but you can always surpise those who serve you with "something extra.")

Create a larger basket for your pastor, pastor's wife, missionaries or leaders in parachurch organizations to share your appreciation for their ministry.

6. Extend gratitude even more ... to your children's teachers, their Sunday school teachers, community servants, people in your neighborhood, etc.

7. Empathize with those who are hurting, and notice when they "suffer well." Thank them for their godly example. (But don't stop ministering to those who hurt who are still struggling! They need encouragement, compassion and prayer!)

It's always a choice to cultivate the beauty of gratitude in our homes and in the lives of others. Who knows what will bloom in their lives!

Which of these "E"-asy tips for cultivating gratitude are you already doing? Something new you'd like to try?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Write a Thank You Note. Use Paper.

In this Relationships UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson writes about something we don't want to leave behind in our rush into more and more technology.

Don't get me wrong. I love the ease of Facebook and email. It's so easy to jot a quick "thank you" to friends and family.

But there's nothing like a handwritten note. I want to focus on that in this Relationship UPGRADE.

Writing thank you notes isn't just good for the recipient ... it's good for you!

Lawyer John Kralick's New Year's resolution in 2008 was to write one thank you note each day to family members, friends, co-workers, even his Starbucks barista! (His notes are recorded in the book 365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life.)

Kralik says,

"Things we write in cyberspace are so easily deleted and forgotten ... buried by the next 30 emails we recieve. In this day and age, a handwritten note is something that people really feel is special."

I once heard about a mom who kept a precious note in her Bible. She told friends she often read the note - written many years before - because, as she says, "It always encourages me when I think people don't appreciate me."

I began writing thank you notes years ago when I traveled with a revival team. Years later, I keep blank cards in my Bible and car. (You might also keep one in your purse. In my purse, it would likely get crushed!)

Kralik's 10 Tips for writing the "perfect" thank you note are helpful and practical. But I want to share just a few insights - Four Key Words that express what I've discovered through the years.

1. FOCUS. It's not about you.

A thank you note isn't written to impress someone or win their favor. People can read through that nonsense. Take time before you write to think about the person.

Why are you writing? Is it for a selfless reason? (Philippians 2:4) Is there something in a person's life you can highlight with praise? (Philippians 4:8)

And consider this: How can your thank you note focus on the Lord too - to glorify God? (1 Corinthians 10:31).

2. TIME. It's a gift.

It takes just a bit more time, perhaps, to write a handwritten note. You'll have to gather up a pen and paper or a special card (although Kralik wrote many of his on simple 3 x 5 cards). But treat your note as a special gift.

The recipient will, if he or she chooses, be able to hold it, store it, treasure it. It's worth your time.

In fact, it's one wise way to use your time, especially when you are encouraging those who do not know the Lord! (Colossians 4:5)

3. GRATITUDE. It is a "thank you" note, after all.

Allow the gratitude in your heart to pour out onto the paper. Christians have many reasons to be grateful (Ephesians 5:20). God is the ultimate foundation for our grateful spirit. We can learn to see opportunities to express gratitude to Him - in fact, why not write a thank you note to the Lord today and slip it in your Bible? And we can thank others in Jesus' name (Colossians 3:17).

Don't think it must be about material things or what a person has done for you. Consider how he or she  has touched your life ... an attitude you admire, a character quality that has motivated you, a perspective that changed your mind.

It may be something simple to you, but expressing gratitude for even little things can bless others.

We can give thanks to God in every situation, and it's a privilege to express our grateful heart to others (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

4. SIMPLICITY. Forget the "flowers," unless they're on the card.

While we can aim for a "word fitly spoken" (Proverbs 25:11), keep notes simple.

It's tempting to get flowery with words, but that's usually a sign of trying to impress, not to express.

So forget the phoney frills. Consider what you're grateful for and just say it. Add a simple "blessing" prayer or scripture, when appropriate. 

Aim to encourage (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and "give grace" with your words - especially to those who do not know the Lord (Ephesians 4:29b; Colossians 4:6).

You may never know, this side of heaven, how your note has blessed another soul.

Do you have a treasured thank you note? How did that note encourage you?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with  scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.