5 Tips to Building Resilience in Children

Morgan Farr continues to challenge us with her positive, biblical, life-motivating posts. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she shares five ways to build resilience in children—but parents may find they need to build their own resilience first!

"In the chaos that has happened in the last year, resilience has been an essential part of our family dynamic," Morgan says. "Being able to adjust quickly and easily with small children is no easy feat!"

I (Dawn) think resilience is something I learned as a "Navy brat," so I totally agree with everything Morgan shares here. I was blessed to learn resilience, though—unlike Morgan—I didn't always appreciate what God used to teach me this character quality.

Morgan continues . . .

We are a military family. My husband is a veterinarian in the Army. That means we are built on resilience. We have to be, because with the military, you have no idea what they are going to throw at you or when it might happen.

Resilience is defined in the Oxford English dictionary as the ability to recover quickly from difficulties, or toughness.

For military families, that could mean a surprise TDY—temporary duty travel—and extended deployment, or finding out you are PCSing (getting a permanent change of station) a year early. 

None of it rattles us because we are resilient.

In the last year, we have had our resiliency put to the test with COVID-19 and the shutdowns.

Here are my "5 Tips to Building Resilience in Children" that have helped us cope through these unprecedented times.

1. Let them see you WORK.

Children need to see that everything they have comes from the hard work of their parents.

Whether it is the money coming in to purchase things or the chores done to keep the home running, everything has a cost.

Don’t be afraid to include children in CHORES—basic chores for younger kids and more complicated chores for older children.

This helps kids to learn to work hard and be appreciative of the things they have. It also helps to prevent entitlement.

2. Let them see you PLAY.

Children are not meant to be little adults. They are unique individual little beings that have to learn how to exist in this world.

Children learn best through play.

• Let them get dirty.
• Let them explore nature.
• Let them splash in puddles.
• Let them be children.

Then, join in and show them that having fun and enjoying the life that God has blessed you with is a good thing.

3. Let them see you SUCCEED.

Do you have goals you want to achieve? Share them with your kids.

For example, I wanted to run a 5k after my daughter was born. The kids were much more understanding when I wanted to jump on the treadmill when they understood I was working towards a goal.

They also got to see that not everything happens as soon as you want it to!

Tell them about your goals and why you set them.

Let them watch what it looks like to work hard and succeed at something that isn’t easy.

4. Let them see you FAIL.

I set a goal this year to be able to do double-unders—a move with a jump rope when a person needs to jump up higher than usual while swinging the rope twice under his or her feet.

My legs are torn up, and it hurts to miss with a jump rope.

It has been a humbling experience to keep failing at this goal.

My kids have been watching me try again and again to get this movement.

I have 9 months left in 2021. How much will they learn about not giving up before I get this down? 

5. Let them see you ON YOUR KNEES.

Big win this week? Praise God! Major failure? Praise God!

Whether in success or failure, show your children that you praise the Lord.

Let them see that you don’t just go to God when you have a problem, but also when you win.

Show them that absolutely everything you are is due to the mercy of God.

As a bonus tip, I challenge you to memorize 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 which says,

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Then teach it to your children.

When the good or the bad happens, recite this verse and praise God for His infinite mercies!

How can you help your children be resilient this week?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. You can find more of Morgan’s thoughts on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Wokadapix at Pixabay.

Are You 'Testing Positive'?

In this Attitude UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson encourages intentional choices for hope, joy and optimism.

In the tests of life, are you testing positive?

Over the past year with the COVID-19, we've become so aware of the phrase "testing positive." A positive test means a person may have antibodies from an infection with the virus that causes COVID-19 or another related coronavirus.

"Testing positive" can also can be a result for any other number of tests for various cancers and diseases.

It's usully not a happy day when we "test positive."

"Testing positive" can either be considered good or bad when it comes to pregnancy tests. Christians believe children are a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), but sometimes the timing of a pregnancy can cause someone to doubt that!

Yet nothing takes our God by surprise. He often has greater plans than we can anticipate.

There's also such a thing as testing "false positive."

A test can incorrectly indicate that a particular condition or attribute is present. For example, during stress testing, which is a routine diagnostic tool used to detect heart disease, women have a significant number of false positives.

The Lord spoke to me about my attitudes a few weeks ago. I got caught up in all the negative news on television, and it colored my thoughts and attitudes.

It was as if the Lord said,  

"I want you to walk with me in the light, and not in the darkness. Put away your negativity. I am the God of Hope!"

You see, I had a "false positive."

• On the outside—I had the appearance of joy.
• On the inside—I was dark, fretful, and grumbling.
• On those days, the condition of my heart did not line up with what I said I believed.

God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7); He knows the truth about our attitudes. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sinful attitudes (John 16:8) so we can realign our hearts with God's Word and walk in truth, pleasing our Father God.

Christians should be realists, but they also should be the most positive, optimistic people in the world.

God's grace and mercy are deep to meet our needs (Hebrews 4:16), and His promises for the family of faith are incredible.

Why We Can Be Positive in Christ

• We are new creations, made alive with Him (2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 2:5);
• We are inhabited by the Trinity—God takes up residence (John 14:17; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20; Colossians 1:27; 1 John 4:15);
• We are partakers of the divine nature and have a new heart (2 Peter 1:4; Ezekiel 11:19);
• We are no longer slaves to sin, but called to be holy and pleasing to God (Romans 6:5-6; Romans 12:1);
• Free from condemnation, we now can walk according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1);
• We are being transformed, conformed to the image of Christ (Ephesians 4:22-24; Romans 8:29; 2  Corinthians 3:18);
• We are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37);
• As God's workmanship, we can do good works that glorify God (Ephesians 2:10);
• We are chosen to declare God's praises (1 Peter 2:9);
• Because of God's grace and power, we can become servants of the gospel, discipling and teaching others (Ephesans 3:7; Matthew 28:18-20);
• We are blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3);
• And so much more!

So how do we live so we will "test positive" in authentic ways?

1. Read the Word with the desire to obey God in faith.

Read with the intent to hear from God or learn something new about Him. The Spirit of God uses the Word of God to show us how to live to joyfully please the Father and train for righteousness and ministry (2 Timothy 3:16).

Is there is something God wants you to act on or obey that might increase your hope, faith, or joy?

Is there something that might help you live for Him or minister more effectively?

2. Communicate regularly with the Father.

The God of all wisdom, comfort, power, etc. wants to express His nature to you. He will use scripture and biblical truth to encourage your heart.

Are you so connected to the Lord through prayer that you can receive from Him at any time and in any circumstance?

What has He said to you recently that encouraged or challenged you?

3. Check your heart daily to be sure you are walking in the Spirit.

Review what it means to walk in the Spirit. In part, it involves submission to the will of God and keeping in step with the Spirit of God.

Some people think this will rob them of joy in this life, but to be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18b) and walk in the Spirit is to experience the "fruit of the Spirit"—and that includes joy and peace (Galatians 5:22-23). Walking in the Spirit enables us to enjoy all the Spirit has for us, and to respond in the toughest situations as Jesus would.

Are you filled with and walking in the Spirit daily?

What's the evidence in your life?

4. Express gratitude, worship and praise to the Lord.

As we are filled with the Spirit of God, we will find our hearts overflowing with gratitude, singing and joy (Ephesians 5:18-29; Colossians 3:16).

We were created to worship God (Psalm 29:1-2; Psalm 95:1-2)—it's both a way of life and a particular activity. Our worship increases as we trust His sovereign love and care.

It shouldn't be unusual to break out in spontaneous praise (Psalm 9:9-10; Psalm 34:1-4; Isaiah 57:15).

When was the last time you broke out in gratitude, worship, or praise to God?

If it's a struggle, what unhealthy or ungodly attitude is in the way? Can you give that to Jesus today?

Whenever you hear the words "tested positive," use it to spur you on to REMEMBER how God increases your hope, joy, and optimism in Him.

How will YOU "Test Positive" in the Lord?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Women Helping Women during the Panedmic

Julie Sanders has the most amazing, compassionate heart. In this Ministry UPGRADE, she encourages women to reach out to those suffering from the consequences of COVID-19. She shares examples of women who are already sharing hope in Christ. "After ten days of isolation, my world felt small," Julie says. "A positive diagnosis sequestered me until my fever passed and I emerged to catch up on national and global news."

I (Dawn) sometimes wonder if we should watch the news with more of an eye to how God might want us to be His heart and hands reaching out to help. I think Julie has captured this idea perfectly.

Julie continues . . .

The steady stream of conflict tempts us to turn away. Do you want to hunker down until the storm passes?

Travel limitations keep us inside our borders, but this year we opened our eyes and hearts to something we can’t un-know:  the needs of the world.

This awareness turns our hearts to women a lot like us, with trials a lot like ours. God has a purpose in connecting women around the globe.

What might we learn about these women and God's purposes for them?

1. Women are weeping

In my work with women globally, I hear reports from women grieving impacts of the coronavirus.

Women like Esther in Southeast Asia who are wired to be nurturers and caregivers. It prompted Esther to get creative teaching under a tree.

For those with sick family, this season of supporting medical needs has taken a toll. In poor and wealthy countries alike, efforts to keep children learning while isolating at home led to higher rates of stress and domestic violence. Families supported by day workers in under-developed nations have suffered financially, resulting in rising poverty levels.

This increases risks leading to child trafficking and exploitation.

The worldwide pandemic has crushed the spirits of many women fighting for the health, well-being, and lives of loved ones.

The same God who commissioned Eve as “the mother of all the living,” (Genesis 3:20) understands the pain of the women of the world.

As our example of caring for the hurting,

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted  and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

Whether a woman calls a hut, a yurt, a condo, or cabin her home, the global sisterhood of women weeps under similar burdens, and God hears them.

2. God is using women

As He has throughout history when hardship shakes the world, God is using women to care for others in His name.

Women like Luba and Holly keep pregnancy centers open to serve mothers facing unexpected pregnancies in the confusion of COVID-19. While they could be tempted to give in to fear and care only for their own families, they’re rising up to care for others.

Grandmothers, mothers, and young women are serving the sick, making tea for immigrants, preparing relief packages, and taking blankets to the elderly.

God is using girlfriends globally to bring help where the hardships of this year have snuffed out hope.

In organizations like The Apple of God’s Eye, women once rescued from exploitation have faithfully worked to restore wounded children every day of the pandemic.

Around the world in a kaleidoscope of languages and cultures, Proverbs 31-style women are staying up late, getting up early, making resources stretch, making sure household needs are met. They open their hands to the poor and reach out [their] hands to the needy (Prov. 31:20).

In countless nations and tribes in this time of disease, it can be said of God’s daughters,

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come (Prov. 31:25).

The world may be bending beneath the burden of the Pandemic, but women are rising up in God’s name.

3, Women are finding hope

Not every woman has the hope of Christ for her future in this world. For the first time, some women are crying out and learning God loves them as they receive gospel truth with gifts of food, medical care, and kindness.

Disheartened students, worried mothers, and lonely grandmas are open to spiritual truths because of the coronavirus we share. Through common troubles around the globe, God is moving in the hearts of women.

In one region where females are viewed with little worth, eight courageous women took a risk during this time to be trained to serve others with hope in desperate times.

In hospitals and homes where women weep for the isolation and illness of the Pandemic, The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth (Psalm 145:18).

God is moving through women who have hope to reach those who have none.

Every woman experiences her own reasons to weep during COVID-19.

It’s tempting to hunker down at home. But rise up. God is using women who love Him and love other women to reach women waiting for hope.  

4 Steps to Take from Home

• Learn about the needs of women locally.
• Explore the needs of women globally.
• Pray for the needs of women cross-culturally.
• Help in the gospel work women are doing.

What are you experiencing that connects you to women in other cultures? How has God blessed you with hope to help women who have yet to have that hope?

Julie Sanders loves uplifting leaders globally. She finds joy in helping women listen and learn cross-culturally from one another and, most of all, from God’s truth for life in every land. She’s the author of The ABCs of Praying for Students. Julie calls the Northwest home and writes from her online base at juliesanders.org.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Engin Akyurt at Pixabay.

A Rut's Just a Grave Open at Both Ends

Deb DeArmond focuses on relationships and conflict resolution, but in this Personal Growth UPGRADE, she addresses the topic of boredom in our work and ministries, and how we can instead look forward to new adventures with God.

Deb's friend asked her questions: “How long can you keep this up? Aren’t you tired of training the same program with the exact same materials every week—sometimes twice a week?”

I (Dawn) sometimes get on the treadmill of sameness, because it's a comfortable place to be. I can just accept my rut, but God calls me to be more open to His plans.

Deb continues . . .

My friend looked mystified. “It’s bound to get pretty boring," she said. "I couldn’t handle the monotony.”

My friend was referring to a major business project for an important client.

For 30 weeks this year, I will work with folks across the country in two-day training sessions, with two different groups scheduled each week.

The material remains the same; it’s one of this company’s non-negotiables to insure consistency across the nation. No spontaneous additions of something new or tweaking the content to relieve the potential boredom.

Achieving identical outcomes in Kansas this week as we did in Texas last week requires consistent input. It’s always the same, with one exception.

The people, of course, are different in each location.

From soup to nuts—and on occasion, there are a few of those—the participants are as diverse as they could possibly be.  

And therein lies the variety that keeps me showing up every week, excited to work with these fine folks.

They’ve taught me as much as I’ve taught them, and I’ve met interesting people with fascinating stories. I feel blessed each day I’m with them.

It’s a routine, but not a rut.

A rut is just a grave open at both ends. I’m not ready to jump in there quite yet, but I understood my friend’s observation.

The Oxford dictionary defines rut this way: “a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change.” Routine can create boredom.

But it’s easy.

It’s stress-free to show up, day after day, doing the same old thing. The routine becomes familiar and safe, if nothing else.

It’s tempting, even, to choose a path that makes few demands on us. We know how the day will come together—a no-surprise assignment.

We settle so easily.

A full life in Christ demands we explore possibilities, push past the humdrum, and place ourselves on notice: today could be the day Jesus shakes it all up. We should anticipate and actively prepare for the moment, so as it happens, we are ready to go with His flow!

Variety is indeed an essential ingredient to live fully in Him.

I doubt the disciples would have described their lives as boring.

• Peter walked on water.
• Paul survived a shipwreck.
• John in the wilderness.

Yeah, maybe not all fun and games, but never a snooze! And they each needed to make a clear decision to follow the Spirit of the Lord in the specific mission he had for each of them.

Life in Christ Can Be an Adventure.

Think of Queen Esther:

And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this? (Esther 4:14 NLT).

If we are prepared, we too may find our comfortable routines disturbed for such a time as this.

It’s a time that demands we stand firm on His Word yet move out of that familiar safe zone to fulfill His design for our lives.

Shake up the predictable and climb up out of your rut.

I’m not suggesting we should all quit our jobs, live like gypsies, and hit the road. Take one step at a time. And remember, there are great rewards waiting! Start small.

Ask yourself:

• What are the tasks or routines that, although once were enjoyable, no longer engage me spiritually, mentally and/or emotionally?
• What am I doing that I wish I weren’t?
• What holds me there?
• What interests me?
• What’s my first step to get involved or engaged?
• What’s the risk of stepping in?
• What’s the risk of NOT doing it?

Don't be afraid to explore new possibilities and actively prepare for your next adventure with God!

Are you in a rut? What might God want you to change or consider as you move forward?

Deb DeArmond is an expert in the fields of communication, relationship and conflict resolution. A writer and popular professional speaker, Deb focuses on topics related to the family and women. Deb’s books include: Related by Chance, Family by Choice on the topic of in-law relationships. I Choose You Today includes tips and strategies for making love last and she and her hubby cover marital conflict in Don’t Go to Bed Angry. Stay Up and Fight! Deb’s most recent release is Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes, a humorous devotional. All available on Amazon. Read about Deb at Family Matters/Deb DeArmond and My Purpose Now. Her website is www.debdearmond.com.

The 7 Friendships We All Need

In this Friendship UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson shares some important things she has learned about friendships, and the "Girlfriend Power" that comes when we cultivate a number of kinds of friendships—including friendship with Jesus Christ.

This article includes some general thoughts about friendship, the four levels of friendship, seven kinds of friendship, and a little about Jesus—the friend of sinners.

Some General Thoughts about Friendship

Our Father God created us to be social creatures. Friendship is an important element of that.

The New Testament gives us three words for "friends."

• A Phlios friend - This is a friendship that is endearing or dear.
• A Hetairos friend — This is more like companionship or partnership; a common goal, but not necessarily like a philos friend.
• A Peitho friend — This is someone we try to persuade or influence, and in some cases, it can disintegrate into manipulation (which is not something we want to do).

The Bible warns us about friends who that can corrupt us (1 Corinthians 15:33) or friends who can turn on us—"false friends" like Pharaoh's butler (Genesis 40:23), Ahithophel, David's counselor (2 Samuel 15:12), Judas Isariot (Matthew 26:48-49).

But positive friendships can build us up in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a—the qualities of genuine love.  

What should be the scope of our friendships?

We need to cultivate friendships in the world (while not becoming like the world)—with neighbors, co-workers, etc.,—so we can be used of God in their lives. We also need to cultivate friendships in the family of God (Psalm 119:63), which will be a great source of strength.

Potential friends might be introverts, extroverts (or ambiverts, a combination). You will be wise not to exclude people who are not "like you." God will lead you to the kinds of friends that you need the most, or that need you the most, so that you can minister well and bring Him praise.

Most people experience FOUR LEVELS OF FRIENDSHIP. Jesus, our example, experienced all four during His earthly ministry.

1. Acquaintances

These are people you say "hi" to all the time, or even a one-time contact. But don't take them lightly; they are likely divine appointments.

Like most of us, Jesus had many acquaintances, and He took time to interact with them. He asked simple questions to get to know them better (on a human level) or help them understand or evaluate their own needs.

In the story of the Samaritan woman (John 4:1-26), Jesus asked the woman at the well a simple question, "Will you give me a drink?" He asked blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52), "What do you want me to do for you?"—and then, responding to the man's faith, Jesus restored his sight.

You might ask an acquaintance general questions—like "Where do you work?" or "Can you help me with this?"—to open the door to getting to know her better in a public way.

2. Casual Friends 

These are most of the friendships you'll make. A casual friendship can develop quickly from acquaintances. (Note: Many friendships are begun and developed online that might be described as casual or a higher level, over time.)

It's been said that casual friendships are "soulish"—connections are made through the mind, will and emotions. Casual friends may have common interests or activities. They may express similar concerns.

Jesus told wealthy Zacchaeus He was going to visit in his home, but He recognized the tax collector's curiosity and eagerness, and He turned the conversation to spiriitual things (Luke 19:1-9). Jesus' acquaintance-level encounter with the inquiring Nicodemus led to a casual (but meaningful) conversation as He taught the Jewish council member biblical truths he'd missed (John 3:1-21).

Casual friendships are built by asking more personal questions: (1) to discover strengths and weaknesses, and (2) for mutual spiritual growth. For example, ask casual friends for their opinions and goals. Seek out ways to help them, pray for them, or encourage interest in the Bible.

Be trustworthy and many of these relationships will grow closer.

3. Close Friends

These are a smaller group of friends. While the first two levels can be with believers or non-believers, for the Christian, close friendships are meant to be "spiritual." A oneness of spirit develops IN the Spirit (2 Corinthians 13:14; Philippians 2:1-2; 1 John 1:5, 7).

Jesus' relationship with most of His disciples would be this kind of friendship; and Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were likely also close friends. Mary Magdalene was a committed follower too, and likely a close friend. There are many biblical examples of how He built into their lives in spiritual ways, encouraged them, and helped them understand biblical truth.

There's a higher level of responsibility in close friendships. We are instructed to exhort one another and  "provoke one another" to love and good works (Hebrews 3:13; 10:24).

At this level, friends should invest in each other. Perhaps they might join in a Bible study togehter or work on a projects together that lead to mutual maturity and spiritual success.

4. Intimate Friends

At each level, the number of friends decreases. Jesus seemed to have a special friendship with an "inner circle" of friends. These kinds of friends are special and rare.

Three disciples are mentioned as being with Jesus at extraordinary times when His glory and power were manifest, and when He was sorrowful and needing physical strength. These three—Peter, James, and his brother, John—were with Him at the Transfiguration (Mark 9:2-13; Luke 9:28), when He raised Jairus' daughter (Mark 5:37; Luke 8:51), and during His agony in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-38).

A natural-born and proud leader, Peter led the disciples in a profound statement of faith (Matthew 16:17-19); but the Lord—in His sovereign love for His friend—had to take Peter through a tough learning process, teaching him humility after he denied the Lord (Luke 22:54-62).

The "sons of thunder"—James and John—were likely together with Jesus a lot. John was described as the "one Jesus loved" (John 13:23)—they were essentially "best friends." It was to this John that He entrusted the care of His earthly mother (John 19:26). Faithful James was the first martyr for his testimony of faith in Jesus (Acts 12:2).

With our intimate friends, our goal is to help each other mature in godly character and obey the Lord. This may take on many forms: Correction or pointing out "blind spots;" Helping discern root causes and suggesting biblical solutions; Honest conversations with humility; Discretion and discernment, etc. And loyalty, faithfulness, and prayer are givens.

(Note: In general, women's friendships tend to be more intimate and involve more emotional sharing than men's friendships, and women generally self-disclose more than men, especially in intimate relationships. Some caution should be taken to keep these intimate friendships pure and God-honoring.)

We all need a lot of different kinds of friends, because NO ONE earthly friend can meet all our needs ... except Jesus.

Expecting any one friend to be all things to you isn't fair or wise.

There are at least seven kinds of friends we all need (though not necessarily at the same time).

As you read through these descriptions, ask THREE QUESTIONS:

• Who has been that kind of friend to you?
• Does someone consider YOU this kind of friend?
• Is there a type of friendship you might need to cultivate?
  

The Seven Friendships You Need

Try to intentionally cultivate these kinds of friendships:

1. A LAUGHING Friend — Someone who helps you create fun times.

You might say to her, "I love to be with you. You make me laugh!"

Maybe she's funny. Maybe she's witty. Maybe she has a unique and refreshing way to look at circumstances that makes you giggle or laugh. She enters into your joy.

Joy is a healthy thing, and some friends will lead you to joy easier than others. Sing to the Lord in joy together. Rejoice in Him together. (Proverbs 17:22a; Psalm 5:11)

2. A LOYAL Friend — Someone you can count on!

She's someone who says, "Don't worry, I'll stick with you through this" or "I'll stand by you, no matter what."

You know you are safe with her. You can trust her to be there for you. (It's been said that a good friend is like a good bra—she'll never let you down!)

She might even rush to defend you when you're attacked (or help you trust the Lord in the midst of it).

Proverbs 18:24 says unreliable friends can lead to our ruin, but "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Yes, we use that in regard to Jesus, but the principle is true for us too.)

3. A LOVING Friend — Someone who truly cares about you and shows it in loving ways.

If her heart could speak to you, it would say, "No matter what, I choose to love you."

She isn't put off by your foibles and failures. She knows you'll make mistakes. She know you might even hurt her. She sees past all that (Proverbs 17:17a) and simply loves you with the love of Christ. She selflessly loves you as Jesus loves her (John 13:34). 

King David and Saul's son Jonathan had a great friendship because Jonathan's love for David was "wonderful"—strong and courageous love (2 Samuel 1:26).

4. A LEARNING Friend — Someone who cares enough to confront you, desiring to help you grow in Christ.

At first, you might feel uncomfortable with such a friend, but with maturity you will treasure her wisdom and discernment.

She says, "I will always speak truth into your life."

She's not afraid to challenge or warn you. But she isn't caustic or harsh. She speaks words of truth in love to help you mature (Ephesians 4:15). She speaks words of hope, grace and truth, and she'll suggest ways you might apply truth (Proverbs 25:11-12).

This is the friend who takes the risk to share what you need to know, but then gives you room to change without pressuring you. The Bible describes this special interaction as "wounds from a friend" and iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:6a, 17).

5. A LISTENING Friend — Someone who listens to your heart, not just your words.

She might say, "I'm not only listening; I really HEAR you."

She's quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19)—carefully weighing any advice—because she wants you to know you're valued and really heard. She wants you to get it all out on the table. She enters into your sorrows.

[In a delightful scripture, Exodus 33:11, we see the Lord speaking to Moses, face to face, "as one speaks to a friend." It was up to Moses to listen. If we would be a friend of God, we need to carefully listen when He speaks to us in the Word—intending to obey.]

Remember that a good "listening" friend is also discreet and confidential.

6. A LEANING Friend — Someone you can "lean into" for practical help and emotional support.

She says, "I'll help you, and if you need me to be strong for you, I'm here!"

She is available to pray for you, serve or minister to you in times of need.

This is where spiritual gifts can play out to encourage our friends (Romans 12:6-8; 1 Corinthians 12:8-10; 1 Peter 4:11).

Not only does your helpful sister-friend love you, she is born for a time of adversity you might face  (Proverbs 17:17). Don't be afraid to ask for her help.

7. A LIFTING Friend — Someone who encourages you and lifts you up. She's your human sparkplug and your  "cheerleader."

She says things like, "I know you can do it" and "I'm in your corner!"

She refreshes you with encouraging counsel (Proverbs 27:9), rejoices with you (Romans 12:15a) when you accomplish great things. She helps you back up when you fall (Ecclesiastes 4:10) and help you find solutions.

What qualities do you treasure in your friends? How do you let them know you appreciate them?

A Few More Tips

• Don't make close friendships with angry, hot-tempered people (Proverbs 22:24-25). Toxic friends poison or sabotage your life ... to deal with them, think: "What would Jesus do?"
• Don't gossip with (or about) friends (Proverbs 16:28).
• Act friendly—good friendships take effort, so study how to be a good friend (Proverbs 18:24a).
• Ask God to help you choose friends wisely (Proverbs 13:20).
• Always forgive your friends (Proverbs 18:19). Remember: the friends we keep the longest are friends who forgave us the most.

The ULTIMATE Friend

Speaking of forgiveness, Jesus is the ultimate Friend, the "Friend of Sinners" (Luke 7:31-34).

• Jesus wants to rejoice with you.
• He is loyal to you and will stick closer than your nearest relative.
• He will always love you unconditionally.
• Jesus is your wise and wonderful counselor.
• You can pray to Him and He listens.
• He wants to encourage and bless you.
• He invests in your life.
• He invites you to trust Him, lean on Him.

Do you know this "Ultimate Friend"?

The Lord wants us to enjoy many kinds of friendships, including His own.

Jesus said to His followers,

"This is my command. Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. ... You are My friends when you do the things I command you" (John 15:12-14, Msg).

It's very clear. The best "Girlfriend Power" begins with God's Love!

Now ... go back and re-read the questions about friendship (before the seven types of friends).

Did you discover some powerful friends you didn't realize you have? Did you discover new ways to be a powerful friend? Do you need to cultivate these friendships? How's your friendship with Jesus going?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.