9 Ways to Cultivate 'Lifetime' Married Love - Part 2

Today is Valentine's Day ... and I thank God for my "Valentine," my husband Bob. We've chosen for nearly 40 years to love each other through all the circumstances of this life, and our marriage has blessed us as we seek to honor God.

In part one of this post, I listed four characteristics of a "Lifetime" Love and encouraged readers to study some "Lifetime" marriages they know ... and their own marriages. Here are the first four points:

1. God is first
2. Giving 100%
3. Growth/ability to adapt
4. Granting freedom to fail

Let me continue ...

5. Good will: The sweetest marriages I've observed are those where partners offer each other their good will - kindness, graciousness, positive reinforcement and encouragement.

We all have "bad days" and meltdowns eventually. A Lifetime Marriage understands a partner cannot be perfect and reaches out with a gracious, encouraging spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:11), with the goal of building the marriage, not allowing the enemy or selfishness to tear it down.

6. Good times: Every marriage has its share of tough times. Financial struggles. Health issues. Problems with kids. Spats over little things that, in retrospect, didn't matter much.

A wise married couple will plan for plenty of good times, occasions to celebrate, opportunities to relax together (sexually and otherwise) and to simply play. These are way to bring some healing joy into the relationship.

(Read Song of Solomon and think about the joy and playful anticipation this couple enjoyed!) Don't lose the joy of your relationship!

7. Gratitude: When we're "used to" someone, we tend to take that person for granted. This can be a relationship killer.

Colossians 3:17 and 1 Thessalonians 5:18 encourage gratitude in every part of life and all circumstances. There are many opportunities in marriage. Practice sincere gratitude; look for ways to appreciate your spouse or say a simple, heartfelt "thank you."

8. Guidance without Judging: It's been said we should not offer unsolicited advice. That's true in most relationships, but in this "oneness" partnership, a wise spouse can learn how to challenge unbiblical or ungodly thinking and encourage a biblical perspective. Preachiness isn't welcome. Neither is nagging.

Helpful tip:  Guidance in marriage is a sometimes a matter of speaking truth in meekness and love to help our partner "sharpen" his life or to "lift" him out of error (Proverbs 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10); but be careful - other times it's wiser to overlook a fault (Proverbs 19:11). Many women find it helpful to ask "discernment" questions to help a partner consider behavior patterns or needed actions on their own. The Spirit of God can use our motivating (not manipulative) questions.

It's not about judging our partner. Before you share a word of "guidance," read I Corinthians 13:4-8a and examine your own heart. 

Want to be a help to your partner? Be ready with practical assistance, especially after you've offered biblical counsel. God may use you to encourage your partner's growth, but He may also want you to come alongside to assist. But never pressure your partner to change. It's God's work to renovate hearts.

And I think the most successful Christian marriages have another element ... and it's a characteristic for all Christians.

9. Glory to God: The couple realizes the marriage is more than "about us." It's about Him! (1 Corinthians 10:31) It's about God's design ... His purposes ... His glory.

What about your own marriage? Is there a new or stronger "Love Choice" you can make, starting today?

[Note to Christians in marriages of 30+ years ... are there other tips that have helped your marriage last for a lifetime? Please share them in the comments.]

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with  scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons and three granddaughters.

Married couple Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net - adapted.

Comments

[Heather B]

Thank you, Dawn. This isn't a typical list. I mean that as a compliment. I've been doing some study to really try to to learn what God's design is for me as a wife. I've been doing a study with my women's Bible study group and I just finished reading a great new book called "The Wholehearted Wife: 10 Keys to a More Loving Relationship," by Erin, Greg and Gary Smalley. Fresh in my mind is one of my favorite quotes, "If you want to have a more loving relationship with your husband, remember that he's a gift from God, a treasured possession - just as you are. As a Wholehearted wife, seek to honor him each day by cherishing him and affirming his value. Treat him like a Stradivarius!" I highly recommend it!