More Than a Resolution: A Personal Retreat

What I love about Letitia "Tish" Suk is her intentionality. Choices make a huge difference in our lives. In this New Year's UPGRADE, she urges us to focus less on resolutions and plan a personal retreat to begin the new year refreshed.

"What if a simple day away could transform your life?" Letitia asks.

There's something about that phrase "a simple day away" that makes me (Dawn) yearn for rest. I'd like to be intentional about that!

Letitia continues . . .

Like many of us, I love to review and sometimes re-design my schedule, my priorities, my goals all under the umbrella of “New Year’s Resolutions” or sometimes labeled, “Intentions” if I’m not sure about the resolving part. 

Lately, or probably all my adult life, while I love all the celebration events starting with Thanksgiving (or Halloween?) seems like they squish out the opportunities for rest, quiet and open spaces of time which such reflection requires. To do it right, anyway.

I sometimes resort to quickly scribbling a few lofty aspirations in my journal for the new year and call it done. Done it is but nothing really changes.

What if instead of designing resolutions, you designed a retreat?

No, not one for your church’s women’s ministry, but one just for you and God?

A chance not just for a few minutes or an hour but an actual “Getaway with God” for a chunk of time to ask him what’s HIS plans are for you for the upcoming year?

Before you reject the notion due to not enough time, money, or creativity, think of how you would respond if your spouse or BFF asked you to come along for a getaway night or weekend? Maybe with a bit more enthusiasm, right?

For the past forty years (yikes!), I have been taking getaways with God: AKA personal retreats at regular intervals.

These times away have defined the trajectory of my life.

Think of it like plugging your soul in for a long recharge just like you do with your phone each night. Taking a personal retreat is just that. Stepping aside for a day or more to deeply rest, listen to God, and plan your next steps (or years) can have the same effect on your soul as plugging your smart phone in for a long charge.

Time after time, year after year, I come away filled with:

• a renewed sense of purpose,
• clarity of vision,
• trust in God’s ability to untie all the knots of my life, and
• overwhelming sense of being loved.

There’s nothing quite like a retreat to provide that much restoration in such a relatively short amount of time. Many of us are familiar with the relationship boost a getaway with your spouse or family can provide, and a getaway with God has the same results for our souls.

Before you get lost in the disclaimers—“I don’t have time, money, energy, or inspiration for this type of thing"—consider the invitation of Jesus:

“Come away with me by yourself to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31).

The invitation still stands today.

If you are looking for details, ideas and plans for what to do there, check out my book, Getaway with God.

Let me give you a few suggestions now.

1. A personal retreat can take place just about anywhere, apart from your own home if possible. Too many distractions and to-do’s all around.

I have retreated in retreat centers, convents, public gardens, the beach, hotels, bed and breakfast inns and a friend’s home while she was at work. Sure, some of these venues had costs, others were free. Regardless, it is an investment in your spiritual life which has a direct spillover into all the other aspects of your day to day as well.

2. While you are away with God, you can rest, nap, pray, read, plan and walk.

3. Staying off social media helps with the focus.

4. Stay for as long as you can, overnight is a plus.

5. It is your retreat to design as you wish. And if you ask him to help you with the planning part, He usually does.

I know how easy it is to wait until “the perfect time” for something like this but don’t let another year get away. Trust me, you will need it after the holiday hoopla is over.

Make it your Christmas gift to yourself.

Before you get too caught up in the calendar pages of 2018, can you consider scheduling a retreat?

Letitia (Tish) Suk, invites women to create an intentional life centered in Jesus. She is a blogger at Hope for the Best: Chasing the Intentional Life, and author of Getaway with God: The Everywoman’s Guide to Personal Retreat) and Rhythms of Renewal. She is a speaker, personal retreat guide, and life coach in the Chicago area. Contact her here.

Graphic adapted from photo at zinemo, Pixabay.

When Tempted: Do Something Else!

In this Choices UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson explains how a simple weight loss tip helped her get a grip on habitual overeating and a lot of other addictions!

Maybe it will help you. . .

It was ridiculously simple. I was talking with the Lord about my food program, and I almost missed a quiet "suggestion."

The truth is, I wasn't praying as much as COMPLAINING.

• "Lord, I can't do this."
• "Lord, I think about chocolate all the time."
• "Lord, I always want more, more, MORE!"

Somewhere in my complaint, my words turned more desperate.

"Lord ... HELP!"

And then I heard this little voice deep within my soul.

"Do something else."

"Do what?"

"Some... Thing... Else!"

"Like eating potato chips instead of chocolate?" (I wondered if the Voice was amused?)

"No. Do something else entirely. Switch your focus."

Though I'd been struggling for months, I instantly understood what "switch your focus" meant.

Stop focusing on food. Stop focusing on stuff. Stop focusing on getting "more" of everything.

Look elsewhere. Get busy elsewhere.

Anywhere but the refrigerator and the mall.

The more I thought about it, I knew there were three ways to re-focus my attention.

1. I needed to Focus on my faithful OVERCOMER.

Instead of focusing on how overwhelmed and powerless I felt, I could gaze on the One who died to give me hope and victory over my flesh.

The first and best things I can do when tempted is to "watch and pray" (Matthew 26:41) and read or quote (memorized) scripture that applies to my temptation (Psalm 119:11).

The enemy would like me to receive and live by DEVILISH LIES: You can't win ... It's hopeless ... You're doomed to failure ... You're too weak, etc.

The truth of scripture is, "...walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" ... "Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" (Galatians 5:16; Romans 13:14)

Yet there is an element of truth in one of Satan's lies. I AM too weak!

Without the Lord, I can do nothing (John 15:5), but with Him, there is victory, because nothing is impossible with the Lord (Matthew 19:26). My Faithful Overcomer conquered Satan and sin, and lived a sinless life. I can be victorious because I am hidden in Him and can live by faith in Him (Colossians 3:3; Galatians 2:20). 

I don't need to make "provision" for my flesh (Romans 13:14), but rather, I can "clothe myself" with Christ and consider some ways I might make "provision" to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in changing me—to "put off" some things that belong to my old sinful life and "put on" new things that align with a renewed mind and heart (Ephesians 4:22-24; Romans 12:1-2).

And that's where I move from grounding in theology to practical outworkings.

2. I needed to Focus on freeing OPTIONS.

Instead of focusing on all the things I CAN'T have and do, I could dig a little deeper and hone in on positive, healthier, life-building choices.

Dig a little deeper? How?

• I could LOOK for recipes that would nourish my body and not contribute to ill-being.
• I could SEEK new ways to exercise that I actually enjoy.
• I could FIGURE OUT how to restructure my personal spending and time management (with better stewardship of my mind, emotions, body and spirit in mind).
• I could THINK ABOUT things that bring God glory and bring me God-blessed pleasure—things that don't burden me with guilt or negative consequences. (God's original design in giving us "appetites" was good; because He wants us us to honor and enjoy Him and His blessings.)

As a simple tool, I recently created a "Do Something Else" list with ideas to help me "get up and get busy." I use it to:

Get out of the pantry;

Get off the couch and stop stuffing my face; and

"Get" (understand) what is good for me (Philippians 4:8), and pursue those things with passion!

On my list (below, right) are simple things under four headings: HOME, HEART, HEALTH and HELP.

Some are quick five- or ten-minute distractions with benefits. Others might take a little longer, but believe me, that's good when the call of the flesh is loud and strong!

I included simple things like:

• Sort Bob's (my husband's) sock drawer. 
• Organize the spices.
• Start a "giveaway box" (for my local help-the-homeless ministry).
• Try on at least 10 clothing items and make a quick decision: keep, mend, give away, trash.
• Memorize a scripture verse. (I'm working on Galatians 5:1 right now.)
• Pull weeds out of my garden.
• Take in the waist on my black slacks.
• Dust my bookshelves.
• Organize around my washing machine and dryer.
• Look for a low-fat, low-sugar holiday cookie that actually tastes good.
• Write my friend with cancer who isn't going to make it.
• Wash out my dog's water bowl.
• Put seed in the bird feeder.
• Pray and search the scriptures over a pressing question.
• Wash my brush and comb.

Your list willl be different than mine. But make the list.

Then you'll have a "GO-TO" list for when you're tempted to GO TO your favorite addiction. Or to return to whenever you're distracted from making wise, godly and healthy choices. (Strive for excellence, not perfection)

3. I needed to Focus on fresh OPPORTUNITIES.

Instead of always focusing on obstacles—which actually boils down to focusing on "me, myself and I," or what Satan uses to sidetrack me—I could instead envision opportunities to do what might bless others.

I could become more sensitive to the Spirit and allow the Lord to lead me into greater love, service, ministry and encouragement. I could lift up my eyes beyond my wants and my desires to others' needs.

And then, I could ACT!

We can't do everything to deal with the world's needs. But we can all do SOMETHING.

And it's best not to wait. We don't know what tomorrow may bring. Life is short. We need to get busy, gather our resources, and "occupy" until the Lord returns (Luke 19:13).

We need to redeem the time and buy up opportunities as they come (Ephesians 5:15-16)— especially when the Lord asks us to act. (Consider James 4:12-17.)

What is God prompting you to do?

Obey quickly. Completely. Joyfully.

Since I've altered my focus, my perspective has changed. My choices have changed.

Even my bathroom scale shows the difference "do something else" can make.

Which of the "focus points" might help you today; and what would be on your "Do Something Else" list?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Three Things God Says about Food

I got to know Kate Hagen as we grieved together after her mom's passing. I read her thoughts and recognized she was a excellent writer. I've since discovered her love of God's Word. In this Health UPGRADE, Kate invites us to examine lies we might believe about food. Actually, Kate's full title for this post is "Three Things God Says about Food (and How It Can Make You Happy)."

Kate says, "There is a voice that whispers lies in my ears: 'Being thin will satisfy me. Eating will make me happy.'”

I (Dawn) am glad Kate had the courage to confront that voice so she can share some biblical wisdom with others who struggle.

Kate continues . . .

When I was eight, I discovered something bad about myself—I was chubby. It was a new, undeveloped shame, but, it was a growing one. I learned if I could just be skinny, I would be happy.

Now, over 30 years later, I fight that belief. But, it still lingers.

When I see a woman who is thin and fit, there’s a little voice in my head whispering, “Kate, you’d be happier if you looked like her. When you finally lose five pounds you’ll be satisfied." (Some years it’s been a lot more than five pounds.)

At times, I have lost that weight. And, you know what, I wasn’t happier. Not really.

There’s another voice.

This one tells me food will satisfy me and bring me life. It tempts, “Kate, if you get up and get a bag of potato chips, you’ll feel happy.”

I have obeyed that voice many times. It never makes me happy.

Are these voices from God? Do the Bible authors write about how we should eat, drink or view our bodies?

I’ve spent a lot of time digging in Scripture to find these answers. I have found three  recurring truths I can no longer ignore.

1. God gave me a body so that I can reflect His image.

This humbles me when I quietly reflect on its magnificence. God has placed within me a representation of Him. Others “see” God’s image through my physical body. I mirror God! (Genesis 1:27)

Woah. That’s a lot more lofty than being hopeful I can look cute in my bathingsuit.

2. God gave me food as a blessing—to be enjoyed and to draw me to gratitude.

Although there are certain foods some of us should be cautious of, Scripture says food does not commend us to God (1 Corinthians 8:8). He’s not happier with me when I eat spinach instead of cookies. It’s what comes out of my mouth and heart that matters (Mark 7:19).

Food is one of the gifts God gives me—a blessing that can draw me into worship of the One who provides! (Deuteronomy 8:10)

3. God's food is eternal.

Feasting on the Spirit of Jesus is what truly nourishes and fills me. It is food that lasts forever! (John 6:1-15; 25-69)

Therefore, we don’t need to worry about what we eat or drink! (Matthew 6:25). The thought of NEVER worrying about what I’m eating is so freeing. I think I’ll follow Jesus on this one!

When I’m tempted to eat when I’m not hungry, I now shout over the whispering lie:

“Food will not satisfy me! Jesus’ Spirit satisfies my soul.”  

All of the times I’ve been overweight, it’s been because I was eating when I wasn’t hungry. Now I know I was eating like this to satisfy some lack I was feeling; I believed that somehow food would satisfy.

But, Food DOES NOT SATISFY MY SOUL!  It satisfies my hunger. Only Jesus can satisfy my soul (John 6:35).

Here's a practical tip.

Only eat when you’re hungry. If you’re eating when you’re not hungry, question what your soul is lacking. It’s your soul, not your stomach that needs to be filled if you eat when unnecessary. But, don’t view this as law; it’s merely a principle that leads us to Jesus (our true food).

When that other voice tempts, “I’ll be happier when I’m thinner," I sometimes have the courage to shout over the whispering lie. I say, “Being thin will not make me happy!”

When WILL I be happy if it’s not when I’m thinner?

The crazy thing is, I can be happy NOW, before I look good in a bathing suit. Why? Because God’s Spirit is in me. I have been seen and known by God. Jesus has shown me a perfect way to be human. That’s good news that brings me true, deep, real happiness.

Here's another practical tip.

The moment you feel yourself envying someone else’s body or longing to be thinner, let the phrase repeat in your head, “Being thin won’t make me happy. Loving Jesus makes me happy.”

Jesus so beautifully said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25)

What do you tell your soul when those whispering lies come?

Kate Hagen spends most of her time teaching, knowing and loving her three kids in their beach community of Leucadia, CA. She has a Master’s Degree in Biblical Counseling and has written, spoken and counseled women about mothering, body image and health. She runs a small essential oil business from her home, and usually smells pretty good. At her website you can read her journey of grieving and laughing as her mom passed of cancer, as well as her thoughts on the Bible and body image.

Graphics adapted: "Whisper" (cupped ear), courtesy of Morguefile, and Cinnamon rolls courtesy of Adam Kontor at Pixabay.

How to Conquer Your Conundrum (Confusing Problem)

What do you do when faced with a "conundrum"—a confusing or difficult problem or challenge. Dawn Wilson suggests 10 steps to conquer your conundrum in this Life Choices UPGRADE.

We all have conundrums. They can be challenging, bothersome, scary—and all of these things at the same time! What do you do when you are perplexed and just don't know how to move forward?

Here are 10 steps that can help you conquer your conundrum.

1. Prepare

Invest time in a quiet place with your Bible and other resources—even a laptop with the Internet for research, if you don't think you'll get distracted. Just as God told His people, "in quietness and confidence" is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15b), we will find strength when we pause to reflect and prepare.

Just like anything worth pursuing, preparation will help with processing your thoughts and focusing on fresh goals.

2. Pray

ASK the Lord for His wisdom (James 1:5). But remember prayer is not just you talking to the Father.

Be willing to say, "Speak Lord. I'm listening!" Better yet, "Whatever you tell me to do, Lord, I will obey." That's where the blessing comes in (Luke 11:28; James 1:25b).

3. Anticipate

Trust that the Lord WILL speak to your heart and clarify direction (Proverbs 3:5-7). Maybe He will use His Word. Maybe the Holy Spirit will remind you of a truth you already know. Anticipate His voice and "marching instructions."

You may find a word from the Lord in a solid, biblical book, or as you listen to a sermon or message. You may even hear the Lord speaking through a hymn book.

Once, when I was struggling with direction, I flipped through a hymn book and ended up on the old song "Trust and Obey. It was like the Lord said to me, "You don't need any new information; you haven't obeyed what I already told you!" I took care of that and God gave me fresh insight.

The point is, anticipate God's direction and obey it, rather than being "wise in your own eyes" (v. 7).

4. Think

Take time to brainstorm, if there are several options available to you and you're not sure which direction to move. Weigh the facts. Think. Do your best to DISCERN what the Lord might be saying (1 John 4:1; Philippians 1:9-10; Hebrews 4:12; 5:14; John 7:24; Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 2:14).

Some people even make a "pros" and "cons" list. But be careful with that. Once I had a long list of "cons," but the Lord confirmed I should move ahead. It made no sense at the time, but it was clear later the Lord had a plan I couldn't see.

5. Study

I included this one because I know human nature!

Just in case you treated #4 lightly, stop now and go a little deeper. Actually research the very best options in light of scripture. See if they align with what God has said, because He will not lead contrary to His Word.

As you study, be sure you are walking in the Spirit, because the Spirit of God "searches all things, even the deep things of God" (1 Corinthians 2:10 NIV).

6. Consider

Imagine possible outcomes. Count the cost for each one and weigh them carefully. (A biblical example: Luke 14:28).

Consider whether you are ready to move ahead and pay the necessary price. That price might not just be financial. There might be a cost emotionally, spirituallly, or to your family.

7. Learn

Seek out and listen to wise counselors. There is usually safety in a "multitude of counselors" (Proverbs 11:14: 15:22). Be sure you have a teachable spirit. Pride has hindered many wise decisions! (Proverbs 9:9; 13:18; 1 Peter 5:5).

And this would be a good time for more prayer: "Holy Spirit, teach me. Guide me in Your truth" (Psalm 25:4-5).

8. Challenge 

This is where it might feel "impossible" or confusing.

• We may need to challenge our fears and perceived limitations (Psalm 56:3-4; Isaiah 41:10).
• We may need to confront some lies and bolster our mind and heart with God's truth (John 8:44b; Ephesians 6:11).
• We may be suffering from "analysis paralysis" at this point and need an encouraging, godly friend to help us see reality or seek God's perspective. Reach out and ask for help.

9. Act

There are usually two courses of action at this point.

We'll either take the best possible action with discernment; or we'll decide to trust and wait a little longer—with God's guidance. Both can be wise actions if we're following the Lord's direction (Psalm 32:8) and believing He will not withhold anything from us that will enable us to walk close to Him and "uprightly" (Psalm 84:11b).

We don't want to lag behind if the Lord is nudging us to move forward with courage; but we don't want to rush ahead—rash or foolish—for the sake of just making a decision either.

10. Rest 

We may not ever have complete peace; we are very human.

It's good to know we can trust the Lord for course corrections. And even in our missteps we can recognize God's grace. He will transform our sins and foolish mistakes for His purposes (Romans 8:28).

So after you follow all these steps and any others the Lord may give you, simply rest in Him. HOW?

• Cast your cares on Him and release all striving.
• Submit to His will.
• Relax in His love.
• Embrace Hope.

You may feel confused, but remember: Your "conundrum" has not taken God by surprise.

Which of these 10 steps will help you the most today as you ask the Lord for help with your most pressing and confusing question or problem?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Workbrite1 at Morguefile.

Connection or Crisis: Assessing a 'Tech Attachment'

Julie Sanders often encourages women to discover the calm of God's presence, and often, that calm is disrupted with technology. In this Life Choices UPGRADE, she invites us to think about technology's influence in our lives.

"We picked it up and the rest was history," Julie said.

"When we swiped our first device, no one expected it to became tangled around every space of life. How do we know if our attachment has become toxic?"

Toxic technology? I (Dawn) think I know what that's like. Tech addiction too! But the question is, what do we do about it?

Julie continues . . .

It’s likely technology entered your life as it did mine, innocent and even benign.

Since then it’s filtered into every corner of life until it’s hard to see where technology isn’t embedded in daily life.

Tech savvy or not, our wired world is here to stay. 

Since we find ourselves with easy online access, we have the ability to be constantly linked. Vacations and no-tech weekends have helped some hold back the tech tide, but how can we know if we’ve got a problem?

It’s easy to be connected and hard to step away. 

“No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money” (Luke 6:13).

One way to know

To know if you’ve reached a connection crisis, do one thing: put your tech down and wait.  Just wait. You’ll know when it’s been long enough. Wait until you can answer three questions:

• Are you angry?
• Are you agitated?
• Are you anxious?

If we answer any of these with an affirmative “yes,” we have a problem. 

If we start sweating or shaking before we answer yes, we have a BIG problem. 

Some of us have already experienced relational conflict indicating our connections have reached crisis proportions. Thankfully, we’re not alone, because any adult in the developed world (and many in the developing world) understand the struggle is real. We’ve all been taken by surprise.

So in this unscientific approach to what some actually find is becoming an addiction: if you know you have a problem, next you need an honest friend.

Ask a friend, husband, or family member (or any combination) to help you identify what you stopped doing when you stopped putting your tech down.

What did you do BEFORE you carried your device everywhere? You’ve probably ignored that old thing, and it might help if you rekindle your relationship with it.

Talking to kids? Reading to kids? Having devotions?

           Exercising? Thinking? Being intimate?

         Working? Sleeping? Cooking? Laughing?

What did you experience that you can REDISCOVER? Most of the time when we adopt a new habit, we’ve let go of another. 

Replace some tech time with forgotten, but good things.

If we expect to put tech down and walk away without a replacement, we’ll probably feel angry, agitated, or anxious.

Maybe we’ve been missing out. We don’t want to wake up and realize we lived a life of missing out because we were always. . .

• scrolling,
• swiping,
• sharing, or
  
• scanning.

We don’t have to throw tech out with the bath water (unless we dropped it IN the bath water!). 

But we can’t have two masters: the God of the world and the wires of the world. 

If you suspect technology has an unhealthy hold on you, put it down. Wait. Answer honestly if you feel angry, agitated, or anxious.

Then dust off those things you’ve archived or deleted and take up LIFE again!

What part does technology play in your life? How are you using it in good ways to accomplish God’s priorities for your life?

Since Julie Sanders and her husband moved to the Northwest, she values connection with distant loved ones via social media and mobile devices. In their cross-cultural ministry, they see technology as a resource for encouragement and outreach. As the director of early learning programs across vast urban and rural regions, Julie sees how tech as both a tool and a trap in family life. She writes from her online home “Come Have a Peace.”