Finding Peace When Regret Cripples Your Heart

Dianne Barker is a positive author with a caring heart. In this Biblical Perspective UPGRADE, she reminds us where our peace comes from when our hearts are filled with regrets.

Dianne asks, "Are you looking back on what appears to be a colossal failure?"

I (Dawn) think we all have them—regrets about our failures. But we don't have to let regrets settle into our hearts. God made a way to confident peace, and Dianne helps us understand how that can change us.

Dianne continues . . .

Looking back on failure thrusts me into a reflective mood:

• wondering where I messed up,
• how I could have made better decisions, and
• what else I could have done to get the desired result.

The cliché hindsight is 20/20 is on target.

Sadly, we don’t have hindsight when we need it—BEFORE the colossal failure.

When it does show up, we beat and blame ourselves for not handling matters better, crying, "If only!"

A friend’s wise words helped me move beyond crippling regret.

I had arrived at our Bible study feeling discouraged and defeated after giving an angry response to someone I loved. Now my friend and I would teach other women about the Christ-filled life.

Feeling like a failure, I shared the situation with my co-leader, Amy, a precious and godly young woman who loved me unconditionally. 

She knew my angry response was out of character and that I would make amends. But at this moment, I needed to move beyond the incident and focus on the lesson.

With eyes communicating love and concern, she said,

“'Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.' If something happened five minutes ago, it’s behind.”

Learning to apply Philippians 3:13 in such a practical way changed me.

Our amazing minds do not forget, but we can choose to put a matter out of mind.

The top two reasons to forget the past: 

• It wasn’t very good.
• It’s unchangeable.

Why do we continue thinking about a disappointment that caused hurt? It’s past… unchangeable.

If we don’t put it out of mind, failure will rob our peace and joy going forward.

Maybe you had a colossal failure in a relationship. Maybe you made a devastating personal choice.

Here's how I've learned to deal with regrets:

1. Run to Jesus and confess the failure.

2. Accept His forgiveness.

3. Seek His wisdom and go in His strength to make amends, if amends are required. (Sometimes the issue is mine only).

4. Choose to put the incident out of mind and go forward giving praise to the Lord.

Our Enemy loves to berate us, reminding us of failure and pouring on regret.

Friend, it is past! Forgiven!

Actively trust in God's forgiveness, release the past to His grace, and surrender your life to walk in obedience.

King David had a colossal failure. Remember the Bathsheba-Uriah incident? He suffered unthinkable consequences for his poor judgment, but he confessed and received God’s forgiveness and blessing.

Let 1 Kings 15:5 encourage you:

“because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” 

Is there a colossal failure you need to get past? When the Enemy pours on regret, how can embracing what God's Word says about intentionally "forgetting" your past—your regrets—give you peace?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit her blog for more information. www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Foundry Co at Pixabay.

Too Soon Old und Too Late Shmart

In this Wisdom UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson encourages the pursuit of wisdom—as early as possible!

Today is my birthday, and I've been thinking a lot about aging and what it means. As I meditated on God's purposes in my life going forward, a favorite proverb came to mind:

"We grow too soon old und too late shmart."

It is sometimes attributed to Chinese, Japanese, Swedish, Danish, and Jewish sources, but usually, it's considered a "Pennsylvania Dutch" proverb—often seen on their pottery and souvenirs. My German-Dutch grandparents on my dad's side used to talk about being "shmart."

I went to college in Pennsylvania, about two hours north of Lancaster County—sometimes known as "Amish Country." As I understand it, the Pennsylvania Dutch aren't necessarily Amish, but the Amish are Pennsylvania Dutch—but they're not really Dutch. They're German!

The Pennsylvania "Deutsch" (or Pennsylvania Germans) are the descendants of German-speaking immigrants.

I toured Amish Country and had fun learning Pennsylvania Dutch expressions during my two years at college. I remember these two:

"Eat yourself full."

"Outen the lights."

I used to say those two phrases all the time.

But it was their proverbs that captured my thoughts.

• Good marriage counsel for women: "Kissin' wears out—cookin' don't."
• Good marriage counsel for men: "A plump wife and a big barn never did any man any harm."

As I noted, my favorite proverb was "We grow too soon old und too late shmart," because I was at college and focusing on getting smart!

I should have focused on getting wise.  

Smart and wise are not the same thing.

My years of schooling taught me many things. I love to read non-fiction, and I remember that as a young girl, I devoured my Grandma Parks' "Lincoln Library" in her attic. This early encyclopedia-type resource encouraged my intellectual curiosity. I felt I couldn't learn enough! And I learned a lot of "facts."

But now, I wish I'd pursued wisdom at that young age.

Not that being smart is bad. In fact, smartness isn't just the facts we learn in school. "Street smarts" is a thing. And people are gifted with all kinds of intelligences.

One source says there are nine types of intelligence.

Wisdom, however, goes beyond intelligence, and the Bible rates it more valuable than "smartness."

• A person can have an extremely high IQ and still be counted a fool.
• A person can be a genius and have no sense.
• Some intellectually-superior people have even been considered evil. (Hitler was thought to be a genius in certain respects.)
• On the other hand, those who might be considered unlearned or slow can be truly wise.

The words "wise" and "wisdom" appear in scripture more than 450 times, so it's something the Lord wants us to consider.

The writer of Proverbs described four animals as "wise" (Proverbs 30:24-28) to illustrate the practical application of wisdom for us.

Biblical wisdom is about understanding how to behave and choose correctly in different circumstances. It's also about knowing how to complete God-given tasks well.

I think my version of that old German proverb might be: "Too soon old and too late WISE!"

There are people who face eternity with very little wisdom, because they failed to avail themselves of the wisdom that comes from God.

But as long as we're alive, we don't have to get stuck there. Our IQ might stay the same until we die, but we can always increase in wisdom—to mature and go beyond the "milk" of the Word to "meat" (Job 32:7; Hebrews 5:12).

Wisdom is so needed today.

• Wisdom is something we need to teach our children.
• Wisdom is so needed in our churches—what we need to hear proclaimed from our pulpits.
• Wisdom is what we need to manifest in our communities to the glory of God.

Here are some biblical facts about Wisdom.

1. Wisdom for living begins with knowing God and having reverence and healthy "fear" of Him (Proverbs 9:10). His Word makes even simple people wise (Psalm 19:7b). We need to choose wisdom and learn from it.
2. When we choose wisdom, we'll soon discover so many blessings from its presence in our lives (Proverbs 8:12-21; 32-36; 24:14). Wisdom is better than fine gold! (Proverbs 16:16)
   
3. There has been much talk in this year during the Covid-19 pandemic of what is "essential." The Bible says wisdom is essential, because if we fail to find and apply it, we "love death" (Proverbs 8:36).
4. One of the qualities of God is wisdom (Psalm 104:24; Proverbs 3:19; Job 12:13; Daniel 2:20; Romans 16:27); and Paul said "all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" are found in Christ (Colossians 2:2-3).
5. We can ask for His wisdom—wisdom from above (James 1:5). He is the giver of wisdom (Proverbs 2:6; Ephesians 1:17).

Today, my birthday, I am recommiting to a scripture the Lord reminded me about last year when I faced a diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma.

In those early days, I didn't know how long I'd live. It was a hard concept to think about. Then I read Psalm 90:12.

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

A heart of wisdom. That's what I wanted more than anything. It became a precious thought, replacing my concerns about the length of my life.

Later, the Lord gave me another verse:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:15-16).

If ever we needed wisdom, it is in these chaotic days. We need more than human intelligence, because God's thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). We desperately need His perfect wisdom and perspective.

Wisdom sets people apart from people who are merely "smart."

Two of Jesus' disciples, Peter and John, were courageous in sharing the Gospel. People around them wondered at them, noting they were "unschooled and ordinary men," but what a difference being with Jesus made in their lives (Acts 4:13).

Spending time with the Lord and His Word will give us courage, but also wisdom. He IS our wisdom from God (1 Corinthians 1:30).

So I'm older today and maybe a little smarter; but my joy is to know wisdom can increase as I allow God's Word to transform my thinking (Romans 12:2) and help me please the Lord.

Can you pray this with me?

Lord, I want a heart of wisdom!

Are you wise? How can your wisdom increase?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic of cross-stitched piece from Unique Treasures PA, on Etsy.

Seven Gifts Hidden in the Shadow of Cancer

Joanie Shawhan knows how to introduce light into shadows. Diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she turned to the Lord for encouragement, and now she offers that same encouragement to others. In this Health and Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she offers a positive perspective for an otherwise difficult diagnosis.

Joanie asks, "How could anything good come from cancer?"

I (Dawn) asked myself that question when diagnosed with blood cancer. But then I read scriptures (1 Chronicles 16:34; Romans 8:28; James 1:17) about my good Father God, and I believed He could bring good from anything!

Joanie continues . . .

As an oncology nurse, I was familiar with the ravages of cancer and chemotherapy. But in 2006, ovarian cancer flung me to the other side of the bed.

I dutifully exchanged my nursing scrubs for peekaboo gowns and skid-free gripper socks. Instead of threading needles into the veins of my patients, machines pumped chemotherapy into my veins.

Chemotherapy pummeled my body, and I didn’t think I would survive the next hour, the next minute. But somewhere in the midst of this devastation and beyond, God surprised me with an overriding sense of His grace and showered me with gifts, hidden in the shadow of cancer.

Seven Gifts Hidden in the Shadow of Cancer

1. Family and Friends

I experienced the love and support of many people who prayed with and for me.

They:

• provided meals,
• comforted me,
• sat with me during tests,
• helped me select wigs,
• and provided rides to chemotherapy.

Well-wishers sent cards, gifts, and flowers, reminding me I was not forgotten.

2. Rest

I could do nothing, absolutely nothing, for several days following chemotherapy.

I wasn’t only physically and mentally impaired, but I also felt spiritually impaired, unable to focus to read my Bible or pray.

But God only asked that I rest like a child in His arms—the arms of a loving Father—and allow Him to carry me through this trial.

3. Laughter

While I lay in the hospital bed with my finger poised over the pain medication button, my sister surfed the internet for wigs, hats, and scarves.

“We have to make this fun,” she said.

Fun? Where was sisterly commiseration?

But she was right. Shopping for wigs and hats was fun. I laughed as I tied scarves that turned askew on my bald head and morphed into pirate patches. Books and humorous cards buoyed my spirits.

4. New Friends

Nine years after my diagnosis, I finally met other ovarian cancer survivors at an ovarian cancer camp:  Camp-Make-A-Dream, in Missoula, Montana.

Eventually I connected with local survivors. We meet monthly for lunch and plan social outings and fundraisers for ovarian cancer. We are . . .

"The Fried Eggs — Sunny-Side Up."

5. Empathy

As a nurse, I felt sympathy for my cancer patients, but I never really understood the struggle of living in the world of cancer.

But now as a survivor, I experience this unspoken bond, a glance that says it all. I KNOW.

6. Gratitude

I am thankful for God’s faithfulness through the many trials in my life, including cancer. He has brought me out on the other side.

I am cancer-free.

7. New Direction and Purpose

I wrote the book, In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer, to help other women struggling with a cancer diagnosis. I included my ovarian cancer story and the stories of other women surviving cancer as well as helpful tips.

I also write encouraging articles for women undergoing chemotherapy.

Along with other survivors, I share my ovarian cancer story with medical students in the Survivors Teaching Students program, hoping that earlier detection will save women’s lives.

God gives many gifts, sometimes hidden, but always a blessing.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him? (Matthew 7:11 TPT)

What hidden gifts have you received from the Lord when you were going through a difficult season?

Joanie Shawhan is an ovarian cancer survivor, registered nurse, speaker, Selah Awards Finalist for In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer, and radio and television guest. Contact Joanie on her website for more information.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Harry Strauss (Image4U) at Pixabay.

Developing Spiritual Taste Buds

Kathy Collard Miller wants women to understand how the truth of scripture can transform their lives. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she suggests ways we can learn to crave God's Word.

"If we had been told a year ago we would have unlimited time in seclusion at home," Kathy says, "I wonder how many of us would have thought, 'Then I’ll be able to to spend more time reading my Bible and praying'?"

I (Dawn) know I didn't think that way at first. But God spoke to my heart, and He created hunger for His Word and ways. I later wondered, "Why didn't I immediately think of opportunities for spiritual growth during the lockdown?"

Kathy continues . . .  

I would have been one of those, but my time with God hasn’t increased.

As much as we think choosing a spiritual devotional time is dependent upon available time, it’s primarily not. It’s that our spiritual taste buds are being dulled and satisfied by other kinds of “food.”

And for whatever reasons, they seem more satisfying and/or easier.

How can we enliven our taste buds?

Here are three empty spiritual practices PREVENTING our spiritual hunger.

1. Technology.

We won’t be surprised about this one. It’s just so easy, and it’s called “vegging” for a reason. But we aren’t receiving the nutrients of spiritual vegetables. Sometimes going cold turkey can be helpful—we’ll find out we won’t die.

My husband, Larry, tells how God challenged him to drive without listening to the radio for a month. That seemed like an easy assignment until he missed it. He realized he had been drowning out God's voice.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with listening to the radio, but for Larry, the radio had become a kind of empty source replacing a time of communicating with the Lord.

During his “fast” from radio, he found a rich time of seeking God as Psalm 119:37 says:

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. (ESV)

2. Relationships.

Do people dull our spiritual taste buds?

• Instead of seeking the Lord directly for guidance and direction, do we rush around asking for everyone else's opinions?
• Instead of seeking the Lord to define who we are, do the opinions of others define us?
  

Years ago, while caring for my mother-in-law in our home, the Lord began revealing how my mother-in-law’s opinions of me replaced God’s unconditional love for me. Because of the kind of dementia she had, her paranoia caused her to accuse me of trying to kill her with the “rocks” I put in her oatmeal.

I felt angry and misunderstood.

Thankfully, over the two-and-a-half years she lived with us, I understood more about God’s knowledge of my service. Also, my sinful demand she see me in a good light.

My spiritual taste buds became enlivened to depend upon His view of me as His Beloved. I saw the truth of Psalm 119:39:

Turn away the reproach that I dread,  for your rules are good.

3. Self-protection.

When Hannah's marriage was difficult, her escape plan nourished her soul, not God.

She explained, “I envisioned an open door labeled 'divorce.' I told myself, 'I'll stay in the marriage until the children are gone and then I'll divorce him. I can hold on until then, but I won't give him my heart.'

“Then one day the Lord told me, 'You're sinning. Close the door and lock it.' I couldn't do it. It was my way to survive.

"He gently continued to convict me and finally I surrendered. I mentally closed and locked the door. I began to offer my heart to my husband.

"The kids are long grown and my husband and I still struggle, but I know God has purified me as I've turned to His spiritual nourishment—not self-protection.”

Hannah turned from her own reasoning as Psalm 119:24 tells us,

Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.

Here are three ideas for TANTALIZING your spiritual taste buds to hunger for God.

1. Think small growth.

An “all or nothing” attitude only discourages.

What ONE thing in ONE area does God want you to work on?

2. Notice the tiniest differences of those little choices.

Are you even a little more loving? Kind? Self-controlled? Patient?

Paying attention to God’s work will activate the spiritual taste buds.

3. Claim God’s promises.

He wants communion with you.

You’ll notice I used verses from Psalm 119, because that powerful Psalm describes numerous rewards of seeing how God promises to meet our needs with nourishing spiritual food, not empty calories.

It really is possible to be wake up your spiritual taste buds!

What small change will you make to invest in your spiritual hunger?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 58 books and speaking in 35 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page.

Graphic courtesy of Engin Akyurt at Pixabay.

Plant What You Want to Grow

In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Dawn encourages us to be more intentional about what we "plant" into others' lives.

I have heard the scripture, Galatians 6:7-8 for years. I know it refers to being careful not to "sow" to our sinful flesh (which is destructive), but to instead plant to please the Holy Spirit, because from the Spirit we will reap eternal life and spiritual growth.

But the Lord spoke to me about another application.

What we plant in the lives of others—whether in person, on the phone, in writing or even on social media—can make a difference in their lives.

• If we plant joy, we will likely see a joyful response. If we constantly sow misery—bad news, bad reports, a negative perspective—how can we expect a harvest of joy?
• What would happen if we planted seeds of faith, instead of constantly dwelling on the negative or propagating fears?
• Do we cultivate peace, or do we let the weeds of worry take over?
• When we plant gratitude, this honors God. But grumbling? The story of the Israelites should inform us about that! (Exodus 15:24; 16:2; Psalm 106:7, 13, 25)

We are planting something in every interaction. We need to me more conscientious and intentional about what we sow.

We plant into lives through our words, attitudes and actions.

Think about just today. What have you "planted" in people's thoughts and hearts since you woke up this morning?

• Could you have planted a little differently—with more wisdom and compassion?
• How did they respond? Does that give you an indication about what you've sown?
• Have any regrets?
• Do you need to contact someone, do some "weeding" and purposefully plant something better?

But that's not all. What we plant will make a difference in our lives too.

Think about what you are sowing in your own thoughts. What does your self-talk sound like?

• Do you tell yourself or believe lies?
• Do you downgrade the gifts God has given you?
• Do you constantly judge yourself when God has already forgiven you?
• How is what you are saying to yourself affecting your behavior?
• Are the thoughts you plant encouraging growth ... or defeating you?

A good scripture for sowing healthy, helpful thoughts is Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about these things (Philippians 4:8).

Two truths to remember:

1. The Lord cares about relationships.

He cares how we interact with others—what we plant and cultivate.

2. The Lord cares about our self-care.

He cares about our self-talk—what we sow in our thoughts.

And the best news of all...

The Lord can help us learn to plant what we want to grow.

I wasn't kidding:

Think about today. What have you planted already? Need to do any relational weeding? What do you need to sow going forward?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.