Six Must-have Elements for a Successful Retreat

Freelance writer Sally Ferguson has written devotionals and for magazines, but her specialty is supplying tools to equip women. In this Ministry UPGRADE, she shares how to plan a successful women's retreat.

"In the midst of busy ministry tasks, Jesus called the disciples to time away with Him," Sally says. "Why would the CEO of a budding company take His associates away at their most crucial season? It all had to do with what’s called the bottom line."

Having planned retreats, I (Dawn) know the tremendous time and effort required, but I love Sally's biblical approach to the whole process.

Sally continues . . .

Look at Mark 6:30-46 for six essentials for a getaway.

1. The Invitation - Mark 6:31

The apostles were frazzled. They traveled, taught and tended to the needy. Jesus invited them to step away from the tyranny of the urgent and regroup.

How about the women in your sphere of influence? Are they carpooling moms, trying to make ends meet, or a part of the sandwich generation caring for aging parents and young children?

How would they respond to a weekend of R&R? How about a chance to recharge their batteries!

Invite them on facebook. Ask them in person.

Print flyers and posters. Get the word out that you are planning something special with each one in mind. Advertizing your event in multiple venues, repeatedly, spreads the message.

2. The Challenge - Mark 6:37

Jesus issued a challenge to His followers to be the vessel through which God could display His glory.

Could you cast a vision for a getaway, too?

Casting a vision helps a leadership team to plan and implement your retreat. It also refers to the challenge you set before attendees.

Will you call them to discipleship or dedication to unity? Will you challenge them to a deeper prayer life or a broader scope of servanthood?

The vision of the retreat provides a foundation on which all else can be built.

3. Organization - Mark 6:38-40

This passage illustrates that God is a God of order! (1 Corinthians 14:33, 40)

First, Jesus sent the disciples on a fact-finding mission (vs. 38). Planning women’s retreats is no different…

• How many rooms will we need?
• How many can the location handle?
• What amenities are available?
• What will it cost?
• How much time do we want to schedule away?

Second, Jesus organized the massive group (vs. 39-40). What will you need to organize?

Food for thought, food for the body and food for festivities are all important elements to a retreat.

Break down each task into smaller chunks.

• Who will be in charge of meal planning?
• Who will plan activities?
• Who will arrange transportation?
• Who will handle registration?
• Who will bring the chocolate? (Yes!)

Take it a step further.

How will you foster a sense of belonging?

Groups of seven to nine people add intimacy to a retreat; a place where everyone learns your name. It’s a place to listen to what others think about faith and to be heard in the questioning places of our hearts.

Small groups meet several times during the retreat to cultivate relationships and to pray for one another.

4. Gratitude - Mark 6:41

Jesus gave thanks for what had been given.

What happens when we show gratitude? Not only does an attitude adjustment happen, but it shifts the focus to the One who wants us to “come away” with Him.

• Include opportunities for worship in your retreat.
• Schedule outings to experience the wonderful world He created.
• Affirm each woman for the contributions she makes to your small group.
• And recognize ways others have made the experience better for all.

5. The Meat - Mark 6:41-44

After Jesus had given thanks, He broke the loaves and fed the crowd abundantly.

How will you break the Bread of Life for your women? Will it be through video, speakers or study material?

When women tell their stories, camaraderie is developed through shared struggles.

Did you notice that Jesus didn’t distribute the loaves and fish to the people? He let His disciples experience the joy of the miracle.

When you spread out responsibilities to your leadership team, more people take ownership of the event, and more people receive the blessing!

6. Prayer - Mark 6:46

And so, we come full circle and end at prayer. From the invitation to the benediction, Jesus modeled a lifestyle of prayer.

He knew it all came back to the bottom line... relying on the One who would supply all their needs.

Bathe your retreat in prayer. From conception to birth, let it be the Lord’s baby. He will show you how to nurture and raise it up to be an event that takes on a life of its own and brings praise to Him! 

Could a retreat enhance the way your group connects?

Sally Ferguson loves planning women’s retreats. Her coloring book, What Will I Be When I Grow Up? (Warner Press) and ebook, How to Plan a Women’s Retreat are both available on Amazon. Visit her website.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of StockSnap at Pixabay.

Christmas Doors — Invitations to Joy

In this Christmas UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson invites us to think about the doors we might open to others this holiday season.

I love to see all the pretty doors decorated at Christmas. They look so welcoming. They invite us to share together in joy.

So many are lonely, stressed, even in crisis during the holidays. We may feel caught up in our own holiday joy, but we can't ignore others who struggle to smile. Those who have no peace. Those who hurt and need encouragement.

I've thought about some of the doors we might open to those people. Here are five doors that I call "Invitations to Joy."

1. The Door of UNDERSTANDING

We show empathy and understanding when we learn to listen well.

James tells us to "be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak" (1:19, AMP).

Proverbs 1:5 says, "Let the wise listen and add to their learning." When you listen to people, you encourage them to talk, and that is fertile ground for greater understanding.

As leadership coach Becky Harling wrote in her book How to Listen So People Will Talk, "People feel more loved and valued if we are actively and attentively listening to them."

Empathetic listening is a gift not just for the holidays, but for a lifetime of ministry to those the Lord brings into our lives.

2. The Door of COMMUNICATION

The second part of James 1:19 says, "slow to speak." We must be careful what we say, but we do need to speak up.

Good communication skills can be cultivated when our mouths are full of God's wisdom. Our words are to first be acceptable in His sight (Psalm 19:14). We can then wisely pray for others and minister to them with healing conversations.

Our words must be carefully chosen to encourage others. Speak words that will build up and "give grace" (Ephesians 4:29).

Speak words of affirmation and hope, not negative, critical and destructive words. Focus on what is worthy (Philippians 4:8) to share this Christmas!

3. The Door of SERVICE

Just as Jesus came to serve, he calls us to do the same. In Christ, we are created to do good works (Ephesians 2:10), and that includes serving people.

God notes how we serve and help others (Hebrews 6:10). He praises a servant's heart.

We are to serve with humility in love. We are to use our spiritual gifts, received from the Holy Spirit, to serve others as "faithful stewards of God's grace."

There are so many opportunities to serve during the Christmas season—both in serving individuals and groups.

Serving others "opens a door" to their hearts.

Don't overlook your next-door neighbor's need, a good place to start. You might even be opening a door to sharing the Gospel; but be willing to serve, regardless.

4. The Door of HOSPITALITY

Paul instructs Christ-followers to "share with the Lord's people who are in need" and "practice hospitality".

Hospitality isn't just inviting someone into our homes. It is first a heart attitude, a disposition, of treating others in a warm and generous way.

But it is also a virtue that extends back to Old Testament times. New Testament Christians also depended on hospitality and offered it freely. Jesus and His disciples depended on hopitality as they served in ministry (Matthew 10:9-10).

Hospitality is a kingdom trait. We bring praise to God when we show kindness, especially to the needy and love others selflessly). Hospitality is an important aspect of our walk with God, and not just during the holidays (Romans 12:13; 1 Peter 4:9).

5. The Door of LIFE

We cannot change a person, but we can speak to them about the door of life—and Jesus said He is that door (John 10:7). He is the only door by which a person can enter and receive eternal life (John 10:9; 3:16). As such, the Good Shepherd is the door to the sheepfold.

The Christmas season is an opportune time to share the Gospel. Be creative in how you share. Think of ways that would speak to specific individuals—that would help them see what God was offering when "baby Jesus" came. 

Jesus was a man on a mission. He came to "seek and to save the lost," and He has commissioned us to share this Good News with others (Matthew 28:19-20).

Think about it.

Every Christmas Door is an invitation to joy.

• The joy of being heard and understood
• The joy of being encouraged
• The joy of finding needs met
• The joy of being welcomed
• The joy of receiving life

How can you open doors to people this holiday season?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Neely Wang at Lightstock.

An Unexpected Journey

Shonda Savage Whitworth offers hope to people whose lives have been impacted by incarceration. In this Ministry UPGRADE, she encourages us to consider how we might better minister to those who are imprisoned, and those who love them.

“I never imagined I’d be the mother of a convicted felon,” Shonda says. “My aspiration was for my boys to do well in school, earn a college degree, find gainful employment, marry a godly woman, and have children.

That was my (Dawn's) desire for my boys as well. Isn't that every mother's dream? But what happens when things don't go as we planned?

Shonda continues. . .

To the best of my knowledge, I trained up my children in the way they should go so that when they grew up they would not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

We celebrated the love of Christ as a family both in church and home. At young ages, both boys professed Christ as their Savior.

I checked off the boxes on my good mother checklist:

• Christian education
• Regular church attendance
• Sports activities
• Family vacations

After my oldest son, Stephen, graduated from high school, his poor choices landed him in prison.

Prior to Stephen’s arrest, I never thought about prisoners and their families and to my knowledge, I didn’t know of anyone who had an incarcerated family member.

My husband served over 20 years as a federal law enforcement agent. In our circles of influence, we opposed those who committed crimes.

My perspective was that those who associated with criminals and supported prisoners were also to blame. 

However, after my son’s arrest, my stance shifted.

Though I never condoned the behavior that led to my son’s incarceration, as a mother, my love for him remains unconditional. I realized my previous view was skewed.

With so many emotions overwhelming me at once—pain, grief, guilt, and shame—I turned to my church family for help.

I experienced disappointment on top of my shock when the overall church body did not know what to do.

Statistics show that there are 2.3 million Americans in the penal system.[1] Surely there was some type of Christian family support in place for those all those families who have incarcerated loved ones.

Yet, I found none.

After my shock progressed through the stages of grief and finally reaching the point of acceptance, the Lord led me to share my testimony openly. With fear and trepidation, I talked about my incarcerated son in small settings. In sharing, I found others who connected with me because of our similar experiences. I found myself engaging with more and more people.

As I reached out to others, I found three things that those in the church who have a family member in prison desire:

1. To be able to share their issues without judgment, criticism or condemnation.

In the early days of this tribulation a friend said, “Shonda, I don’t understand what you’re going through. But if you’ll explain it to me, I’ll process it with you.” 

When those in the church who don’t understand what a family of a prisoner goes through, but show an interest in walking through it with them, it releases them from the fear of judgment, criticism, condemnation.

2. To receive prayer support and encouraging words from others.

My local church agreed I should host a support group meeting for families of prisoners. Now we have a safe place to foster new personal relationships, pray for one another’s specific needs, and share encouraging words with each other. We seek the Lord and He shows us new things.

“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known” (Jeremiah 33:3 ESV).

3. For the church to mail cards, notes, or books to their incarcerated family member.

When those in the church body mail a birthday card, holiday card, or send a book to an incarcerated family member, they are fulfilling Hebrews 13:3, “Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you are also in the body” (ESV).

When the family member on the inside receives encouragement from those on the outside, chances are greater for him to walk closely with the Lord. This reduces the risk of recidivism.

My life’s course took an unexpected journey.

Now it’s my heart’s desire is to walk alongside those whose lives have been impacted by incarceration. And to show them the hope we have in our Redeemer Christ Jesus who restores of broken lives.

Do you know someone who is incarcerated? How might you encourage and minister to that person and their family? How might your church better fulfill Hebrews 13:3?

Shonda Savage Whitworth is the founder and president of Fortress of Hope Ministries, Inc., offering hope to those whose lives have been impacted by incarceration. Shonda connects with others through her personal experiences and testimony of God’s faithfulness in her life. You can read more stories about Shonda’s unexpected prison family journey on her blog.

[1] https://www.prisonpolicy.org/reports/pie2017.html#fn:1 (assessed July 28, 2017)

Graphic adapted, courtesy of MarcelloRabozzi-Pixabay.

Fear... or Coffee

The super-talented Joy Elben has always struck me as confident and capable. But I've learned we all have struggles, and in this Gifts and Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, Joy shares how she moved from fears and feelings of inadequacy to using her gifts with confidence in the Lord.

“I would never have told you I was afraid,” Joy says. “In fact, I would have told you the opposite.”

I (Dawn) sense a kindred spirit here. Years ago, I could have written this same post. I'm glad Joy did. So many people hide behind their fears; and Joy encourages us to come out of hiding!

Joy continues . . .

I would have said that I'm bold. I’m adventurous. I pursue my dreams.  

When the reality was, there was a part of me lying dormant.

I hadn't actually forgotten that part; it just wasn't necessary anymore. 

Or was it? 

You see, growing up, I was the girl who was always writing. 

All over.

Everything. 

• My Lisa Frank trapper keeper. 
• My lunch box.
• My brother's lunch box.
• My brother.

The girl who, when the teacher would ask you to put your name in the front flap of each book, I put my name right on the front cover.

In big, BOLD letters. Yep, that was me.

My teachers may not have appreciated that. I may have been the inspiration for the modern book cover.

But letters were art and words were powerful, and I liked the look and sound and feel of the script flowing from my pen to my page. 

My high school English teacher was the first to say it:

"Joy, you have a gift! You need to write." 

I did? I should?

OK!

I devoured every book I could. Every genre, prose and process.

Collecting words as if they were treasures. I was going to take over the world and inspire anyone who would listen with all the eloquence and wisdom of my sixteen-year-old self.

My freshman year of college, there was a campus-wide essay contest and I won.

My professor said,

"Joy, you have a gift. You should write." 

I studied and honed my craft and my family repeated the refrain,

"Joy, you have a gift. You should write."

But then life happened. 

And the voices in my head began to tell me:

• "Joy, maybe you can write, but really, what makes you more interesting than anyone else?"
• "Joy, you're only (insert the age). What makes you think that you have any wisdom to offer?"
• "Joy, you are the pastor's WIFE, and sharing from a platform is his job."
• "Joy, you are surrounded by brilliant writers—let them do the writing."
• "Joy, Joy, Joy ....”

The voices chanted my inadequacy.

And I hid.

I hid behind all of the voices and I did it with the conviction that I was honoring God in the process.

Doesn’t Proverbs warn us time and again to weigh our words? I seemed to have forgotten that it also says, 

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a GOOD WORD makes him glad” (Proverbs 12:25).

Recently, when invited to join a new friend at our local coffee shop, I shared my hesitation and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and she urged, "Joy, if God has given you a gift, then you need to share your voice and write!"

In the spirit of good conversation, I reciprocated and asked her to share her passion. 

She responded with, "This is my passion."

Wait, what?

"Having coffee."

I was a little baffled. I mean I like a good cup of coffee as much as the next gal, but…huh?

She was a mother and a missionary and a remarkable woman, and her passion was having coffee? 

She explained that for her, sharing coffee meant using her gift of encouragement to create connection and relationship.

Coffee is to her what writing is to me. A mode of connection.

My heart received the message and I knew that I had a choice to make.

I could continue to hide under my own veil of self-doubt and fear of vulnerability,

OR

I could choose to live by faith and write.

So today, I will make the choice to use my words for encouragement and sharing a good word.

What is your passion? Is it writing? Is it coffee? Have you been given a gift that is lying dormant and you hold back because of fear? 

Don’t do it. Don't hide. 

Write, teach, serve, draw, sing—whatever it is for you—and drink coffee, all for the glory of God!

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Take a moment to examine your heart and ask the Lord to reveal if there is any part of you that He has CREATED FOR MORE.

Listen carefully. 

Respond.

Get EXCITED!

The Lord longs to help you live in the fullness of who He created you to be.

What is your gift? How are you using it for God’s glory?

Joy Elben, born and raised in sunny San Diego, is serving alongside her husband at Forest Home Christian Camps and Conference Center, in the picturesque setting of Ojai, California. She is a pastor's wife, adoptive mom, foster parent, enthusiastic traveler and owner of Joy Elben Design, a home staging and design business.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Engin_Akyurt-Pixabay.

10 Ways to Make Friends with Foreigners

Though she now lives in Kansas, Gail Goolsby once lived overseas and knows first-hand how to build friendships with people in other countries. In this Relationship UPGRADE, she encourages us to open our heart and home to make friends with foreigners.

“The world is shaken and people are scattered around the globe,” Gail said. “How can we connect as caring Christians with the international immigrants entering our communities?”

I (Dawn) have often heard pastors and evangelists say, “The mission field is coming to our doorstep.” It’s true! We need to know how to connect with those the Lord is bringing to America.

Gail continues . . .

According to Homeland Security statistics, over 560,000 immigrants received permanent U.S. resident status in the first half of 2017, coming mainly from Mexico, India, China, Philippines, Cuba and the Dominican Republic.

Almost 40,000 fleeing refugees were admitted to our shores. The top five countries were Syria, Iraq, Democratic Republic of Congo, Somalia and Burma.

Politicians and military personnel have their own view of global wars and displaced populace seeking safety and a better life. I am no expert, but I know as private citizens we have the chance to impact the lives of some of the most vulnerable and disillusioned people with a heart of love and hospitality.

For those coming from countries closed to Christians, we may well be the first believers they meet. We can have conversation about who Jesus really is and what He can mean in their lives.

I believe God is bringing those close who used to be out of reach for the Good News.

What should be our response?

“When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God” (Leviticus 19:33-34 NIV).

Here are 10 ways to connect with foreign neighbors.  

1. Check with the local resettlement agencies in your area for the needs they have.

Clothes, coats, shoes, furniture and household items are essential to families arriving with great needs and few resources.

2. Educate yourself on a particular people group and culture living in your location.

Find out what foods they eat to make a welcoming meal, and learn greetings in their native language.

3. Develop relationships with shopkeepers, hair stylists, nail technicians, etc., by asking questions and showing interest.

Let them see you as a friendly Christ-follower who is open to spiritual as well as practical conversation in a non-threatening way.

4. Volunteer to be an English tutor or conversation partner.

Local colleges and churches sponsor English classes to help immigrants assimilate quickly. The main qualification is being a native English speaker!

5. Host an international friends group in your home or at a local community center.

Meet regularly with others who have the same interest to help immigrants make new friends while practicing English and learning cultural information.

6. Transport immigrants to work interviews, doctor appointments, shopping trips, etc.

Here is another opportunity to practice English and show care.

7. Invite new friends to your home and share your family.

This is the most influential way to make friends. Hospitality translates through every culture as a sincere connection point.

8. Sponsor an international student from your local university.

Text, call, or take him or her to lunch or coffee regularly to see how things are going and, again, invite into your home for holidays or weekend meals.

Take students on sightseeing outings and show off America.

9. Start a Discovery Bible Study with a small group and invite new international friends.

This is not an academic, pastor-led experience, but rather people reading selected Bible passages, talking together about what is learned, and making personal applications.

10. Bring your international friend to church or other formal study groups if he or she is comfortable.

This is not usually the best first step due to large cultural differences and misunderstandings, especially among Muslim-background friends.

Contemporary religious services can appear irreverent and offensive without thorough preparation and exposure to American culture and Christian ways before attending church.

Women are POWERFUL CONNECTORS!

The women of the world, particularly the Muslim world, are often seen as second-class citizens or worse. That doesn’t mean they are uneducated or even unloved, but typically they are very restricted in the expression of their personhood.

These people are almost unreachable by men.

They are covered, they are absent, and they are culturally not to be in the presence of men outside their family.

We as women have incredible power here, ladies.

We can speak to them, touch them, embrace them, have them in our homes uncovered, visit in their homes, and share as the sisters we really are.

I have special women friends in my hometown from Iran, Jordan, Congo, and Afghanistan. We eat together, share family time, practice English, cook new recipes from our home cultures, explore pumpkin patches, play games, watch movies, and talk for hours about female concerns and interests.

The riches of such relationships give back much more than the cost to me in time or resources. This is my opportunity to make friends with foreigners God has planted in my world at this important time in history.

What foreign neighbors cross your path that you could engage to develop a relationship and share the love of God?

Gail Goolsby, MA, Med is a lifelong educator, including past leadership at an international school in Afghanistan. Gail and her pastor husband of 39 years live where the wind blows over the prairie in south Kansas. She counsels and coaches using God’s Word to help others Learn to Live Well.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of fsHH at Pixabay.