Leadership: A Tale of Two Cities

Nali Hilderman’s love of women’s history and Christian theology gives her an impassioned desire to help women make a difference in today’s culture. In this Leadership UPGRADE, she challenges our thinking.

“While there are many different theories regarding leadership,” Nali says, “there are some key differences between how the world defines it and how the Bible defines it.”

I (Dawn) love to read leadership blogs—both Christian and secular, and I know she is right. A biblical perspective on leadership not only changes our motives; it also changes our methodology.

Nali continues . . .

In the fifth century, Saint Augustine wrote a now famous treatise titled “The City of God.” Augustine explained some key differences between the rule and attitude of the “city of man”— ruling empires of the world—and the “city of God” (which is made up of the followers of Christ and His church). 

This idea of comparison can be applied to theories related to leadership in today’s modern world. While there are many different theories regarding leadership, there are some key differences between how the world defines it and how the Bible defines it.

Colossians 2:8 commands us not to be taken captive by philosophies of this world, but rather to focus on Christ.

As Christ’s followers it is wise for us to understand these distinctions and seek to live out the principles of the City of God in our leadership.

Distinction #1

The City of Man considers power over others as a key component of leadership. Society tends to laud those who are wealthy, powerful and successful as leaders.

However, the City of God considers serving others as the key component of leadership. Christ admonished His disciples when they asked who will be the greatest among them. He told them they are not to rule as the Gentiles do. He says that the last shall be first in the Kingdom of Heaven and that He Himself did not come to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:24-28). 

Ask yourself, “How am I using my leadership in regard to others? Am I lauding my power over others, or am I serving others for their betterment?

Distinction #2

The City of Man considers influence as a key descriptor of leadership. Society tends to value the number of blog posts, YouTube views, Twitter followers, and albums sold as indicators for who is “leading.” Often, leaders in the City of Man wield their influence for selfish and worldly gain. 

While the City of God also values influence as a key component of leadership, the purposes driving influence are wholly different.

We are not to lead for selfish gain, but are commanded in scripture to not think more highly of ourselves than we ought.

Also we are to pursue compassion, love, righteousness, and truth (Philippians 2:3-5, Colossians 3:12-15).

In his book, Creation Regained: A Reformational Worldview, author Albert Wolters challenges:

"Anything in creation can be directed either toward or away from God—that is, directed either in obedience or disobedience to His law. *

As you lead today, take time to reflect on whether your leadership is turning people towards fulfilling their own selfish ambition or towards a spirit of love and truth.

How you are wielding power and influence in the lives of others? Have you been “taken captive” by the world’s philosophy of leadership, or are you a woman pursuing the City of God and leading others in a biblical way?

Nali Hilderman is a professor of American history at San Diego Christian College and Director the college’s Dr. Henry Morris Leadership Program. She studies women’s history and Christian theology, trying to make sense of how to be a confident, successful Christian woman who does not buy into the secular feminist mentality. She attends Journey Community Church in La Mesa, California.

* Albert M. Wolters, Creation Regained: Biblical Basics for a Reformational Worldview, (Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co, 2005), p. 49.

Anger Expert or Patience Pro?

Kathy Collard Miller is an author and speaker who encourages women to trust God. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she helps us trust the Lord with an attitude that can be destructive:  Anger! 

“Why do I keep getting angry?" Kathy said. "I want to be patient, but life and people are aggravating."

I (Dawn) used to think anger was other people's problem. I didn't have a problem losing my temper.

But if we have an undercurrent of anger, it can burst forth in other problems like bitterness, an unforgiving spirit or even something as simple as avoiding people.

Kathy continues . . . 

Life and people are aggravating. We pray for patience, but as someone has said, “Don’t pray for patience; God will give you many opportunities to practice.”

That was certainly true for me.

For many years, I was an anger expert. It was my “go-to” response. I prayed for deliverance but I still was destructively angry. In moments of temptation, I felt helpless and believed I didn’t have a choice.

But the truth is, anger is a choice.

Holding ourselves responsible rather than excusing our destructive reaction will lay a foundation for slowing down our reactions and allowing God to show us alternatives.

How can we “slow down”? When life (or someone) throws something aggravating at us, we need to literally take a deep breath and ask ourselves, “What’s going on here?”

Here are three causes of anger that you can consider in that moment.

1. Anger comes from having a goal blocked.

When we desire a certain thing and someone does something or says something that blocks that desire, we react in frustration. Unfortunately, this only means that that “certain thing” has become more important than God. We are choosing a destructive reaction to make sure we receive what we think we need and we’re not trusting that God can provide it for us.

We don’t have to force anything to happen when we truly believe God will provide what we need. He promises in Philippians 4:19:

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

In that moment of “slowing down,” ask yourself, “Is there something I value that I think is being withheld? If so, can I choose to trust that God will provide what’s best for me according to His plan?”

2. Anger’s source could be a fear of being seen a certain negative way.

Since childhood, I’ve been very sensitive to not appearing stupid. That seems horrible to me. So when someone treats or responds to me with what seems like a suggestion that I’m stupid or don’t know something, I can become angry.

Why does anger seem like a solution? Because my anger points to something they do wrong and it takes the focus off of my “stupidity.”

Sometimes, my husband, Larry, will sincerely ask me, “What were you thinking when you did that?” What do I “hear”? “You must have been stupid to choose that.” I’m embarrassed and feel shamed. So what do I do? Point the finger back onto him with an angry response by rehearsing some way that he did something wrong. But I can choose differently in God’s power.

In that moment of “slowing down,” ask yourself, “Is there some way I don’t want to be seen right now?" Regardless of how I’m viewed by others, God views me as His daughter through my inheritance in Christ, as Ephesians 1 says.

3. Anger may erupt from not knowing what else to do.

For instance, when my two-year-old disobeyed me, I felt helpless, not knowing how to respond. But forming a plan beforehand empowered me to have options. I wrote down in a column the primary ways my strong-willed daughter disobeyed me. Then in the opposite column, I wrote out one consequence I could give for each disobedience. I then posted the paper where I could see it. Having options removed my helpless feeling, and my anger.

Of course, we can’t anticipate every situation of life that might come our way, but we can try to plan as much as possible with God’s wisdom.

Then in that moment of “slowing down,” ask yourself, “What options do I have? Lord, enlighten my thinking right now. You promise in James 1:5 to give me wisdom.”

God used an awareness of these three possible causes of anger to transform my responses. I actually did become more patient . . . and wise.

Which of those three sources cause your anger most often and how does God want to use that knowledge to empower you to be more patient?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 50 books and her speaking in over 30 states and 8 foreign countries. Kathy’s latest book is Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood) from which this article has been adapted. Check it out at http://amzn.to/1ITmLfy. Visit Kathy's website/blog at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net. 

I Choose You Today

Deb DeArmond's new book, I Choose You Today, is a perfect read for couples—and not just for Valentine's Day. But I asked her to share her heart for this special Valentine's Day UPGRADE for married couples.

"He drove in the pouring rain for eight hours to surprise me for Valentine’s Day," Deb says. "Best upgrade ever."

Don't you love Valentine's Day surprises? I (Dawn) love the way Deb's hubby, Ron, showed his romantic side; but I love even more her emphasis on the choice they made to strengthen and bless their marriage.

Deb continues . . .

When you’ve been married for 40 years, you’ve “celebrated” a lot of February 14^th’s together. Some involved hauling kids to ball practice and music lessons or a doctor’s appointment for an elderly parent. Not quite A+ in the romance department.

We usually exchanged cards, but that was often the extent of the energy devoted to making the day special.

But 12 years ago, my Valentine chose to upgrade my day in a way I never expected—and will never forget.

We lived near San Francisco at the time. I was scheduled for two weeks of work 400 miles south in Los Angeles, which meant I’d straddle the weekend and miss Valentine’s Day. I hated to be away, but we made plans to celebrate on my return. Luckily, my sweet mother-in-law lived nearby, so I planned some shopping and a Valentine’s Day dinner as a treat.

Just as we were headed out to a favorite restaurant, there came a brisk knock. When I opened the door, I was stunned to see the face of my sweet man. He was holding a dozen beautiful roses and beamed a “gotcha!” smile.

I was shocked. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been. After all, Ron’s the romantic one in this duo.

Not long after we married, he began to say, “I Choose You Today.”  Not every day, but several times each week, he spoke those words. I soon began to follow suit with my own declaration, adding a specific focus such as “I choose to love you today” or “I choose to support your goals today.”

Whether we said them aloud or just held them in our hearts, our behavior began to align with those choices.

Sometimes the words are exchanged with a hug and a kiss. Sometimes it’s through gritted teeth.

It’s on the days I least feel like choosing him that it’s most important that I do.

Our feelings cannot be the foundation of our commitment. Feelings are subject to change. The foundation of our life together must be based on God’s Word, which never changes.

Those four little words, I choose you today, have had a dramatic impact in our life, in ways I never imagined all those years ago.

James 3:5 tells us “A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything —or destroy it!” (MSG)

And in the middle of every CHOICE there’s a hidden message:

O-I-C or Oh, I See!

Choose to look ahead and you’ll never look back.

Here’s how:  

O – Open your heart (and your mouth) often to renew your commitment to one another. It reminds you of the day you stood together facing the future with little knowledge of what life would demand. It’s unifying.

I – Ignite the fire in your marriage often by making purposeful choices that support your relationship, choosing to honor, respect, and romance one another.

C – Create a connection that aligns your marriage with the Lord at the center. Focused on God is how we started life together and how we must continue if we want to finish strong. And that is our plan.

Life’s all about the choices you make. What will you choose today?

Deb DeArmond’s newest book, I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last, is based on the principle that marriage and love is always a choice—one that benefits from a daily renewal of our commitment. It offers inspirational stories, scriptural foundations, and thought-provoking questions so readers can explore their choices and commitments to each other . . . every day of their marriage. Married nearly 40 years, Deb and Ron live near Fort Worth. Their tribe includes three sons, three daughters-in-love, and six perfect grandboys. Find Deb, her books, and her speaking schedule at www.debdearmond.com.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

Gail Purath’s One-minute Love Notes posts are short doses of mega-truth! In this Love UPGRADE, she nails the differences between love and lust.

“In 1984, Tina Turner's popular recording, ‘What’s love got to do with it?’ expressed confusion about love and physical attraction,” Gail said. “Most Americans are similarly confused.”

I (Dawn) have watched our society (and others around the world) reap the consequences of pursuing lust. It’s not a pretty picture. Cultures decay, lives are damaged and marriages are destroyed—all for fleeting moments of lust.

Gail continues . . .

Premarital sex has become normal behavior in our culture and many divorces involve adulterous affairs. 

Our culture's sexual confusion sometimes becomes very public—like the Tiger Woods scandal several years ago.

But physical relationships minus love are nothing new. Sadly, King David and Woods have similar stories: 

• Both men were respected and admired.  
• Both “had it all”—fame, fortune and family.  
• Both risked it all for sexual pleasure.
• Both paid a hefty price.

What did love have to do with it?

Nothing. Woods and David were controlled by lust. (1) 

The prophet Nathan gave an arresting illustration of love versus lust when he confronted King David in 2 Samuel 12.

Samuel compared Bathsheba’s husband Uriah to a poor man with one cherished lamb, and he compared David to a rich man who killed the poor man’s lamb for a single meal.

Uriah loved Bathsheba; David used her to feed his lustful appetite.

 Consider some characteristics of genuine love:

1. Genuine love involves friendship and respect.

David slept with Bathsheba when he barely knew her. He had no respect for her or he’d have been concerned with the consequences their affair had on her life, relationships and soul.

2. Genuine love involves honesty.

David and Bathsheba’s relationship—like all extramarital affairs—was built on deception. They dishonored God, their marriage vows and their bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

3. Genuine love involves commitment. If Bathsheba had not gotten pregnant, or if they’d successfully tricked Uriah, their relationship would probably have ended that night.

Modern secular studies confirm that commitment is essential for successful relationships:

“Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up…the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. (2)

Perhaps David and Bathsheba eventually grew to love each other, but nothing in Scripture reveals a close, ongoing relationship between them. When David grew old, he didn’t have a close relationship with any of his wives, but chose to keep warm at night by sleeping with a young virgin (1 Kings 1:15-17). (3)

I wonder what Bathsheba thought growing old in a palace full of David’s other wives amid the lust and murder that became part of David’s family legacy. Did she sometimes ponder the way Uriah had cherished her as his only wife? Did she ever wonder what love had to do with it?

A single night of lust changed her life forever.

Do you understand the difference between lust and love? Is there even a hint of lust in your relationships? If you have any doubt about the characteristics of love, read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Gail Purath has been married to her best friend for 44 years, living the life of a nomad here on earth (40 homes in 62 years), looking forward to her heavenly home. Mother of two, grammy of seven, Gail writes about her joys, struggles, failures and victories in her short-but-powerful 1-Minute Bible Love Notes and shares a short Bible study each week on Bite Size Bible Study.

Footnotes:

(1) Fortunately, lust can’t destroy our most important relationship—if we repent of it. David’s prayer in Psalm 51 is a testament to this. He suffered severely for his sin but remained close to the Lord through genuine repentance. 

(2) “Top Ten Marriage Myths,” by David Popenoe, [health.discovery.com, Love and Relationships Center]. Also here.

(3) There are no good examples of polygamy in Scripture. Although God allowed it, it was not part of His original design for a healthy marriage. Bible narratives confirm this.

Resolutions, Goals and a Bucket List

Ready for the New Year? I always appreciate those who help us forget those things that are behind and push forward to greater things. Marcia Ramsland is one of those people, and I asked her to share this special New Year's UPGRADE.

"January 1 is the day to write a resolution or two," Marcia says. "If you’re not living the life you love or at least enjoying each day, then perhaps it’s because you don’t know what you want, you know what it is but haven’t worked to get it, or you’ve let life get in your way."

Last year, I [Dawn] picked a special word that motivated me all year long, but I have to admit, my office fell apart last year. Picking one motivating word has nothing to do with organizing your life (unless, perhaps, the word is "organization!") So I'm looking for tips from people like Marcia to help me get back on track!

Marcia continues . . .

Here are three ways to change that while you are poised at the beginning of the new year. Pick One Style for a New Year, New You!

1. A Resolution

A New Year's resolution is a January 1 personal commitment for the coming year to change a habit or lifestyle for the better, such as the two most popular ones, to lose weight and get organized!

2. A Goal

A goal is a dream with a plan attached, and is best achieved if there is a positive emotional response to its success, such as moving to a warm climate, redecorating at home, or doubling your income. Jot them on your new monthly calendar.

3. A Bucket List

A Bucket List is a wish list of things you’d like to do in your lifetime that captures your imagination–such as climbing Mt. Everest, running a marathon or writing a book. Fill your bucket list with 5-10 things you’ve only dreamed about.

What would it take for a “New Year, New You” lifestyle makeover?

Here is a list of 15 ideas to stimulate your thinking. Write your own list of eight to ten goals you would like to have or do in the coming new year. Think big!

• Prioritize my life and say “no” with confidence.
• Find a regular exercise program I like.
• Eat healthier every meal.
• Get to bed by 10:30 p.m.
• Reorganize and upgrade my office.
• Create a budget and save for my dream car.
• Plan one enjoyable activity per 52 weekends.
• Trade childcare for more personal time.
• Get together monthly with a good friend.
• Become team manager for your son’s sports team.
• Go on my bucket list dream vacation.
• Call parents/grandparents once a week.
• Send out birthday cards (or birthday emails) on time.
• Join a new business group.
• Wrap up leadership responsibility in current organization.
• Complete a degree over the next three years.

I know this setting goals works for two reasons:

1) Proverbs 13:4 says, “The sluggard (sluggish) craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.”

Practically, that means if we steadily work toward a goal, we will get there. Also, if we just set the goal, we won’t get there.

2) I coach women via Face Time, email, and photos to achieve anything from writing a book, or organizing their paperwork, closet, garage or office–in 30 days or less! Things they never thought they could do!

When they know I do three-month, six-month, and one-year checkups, they achieve their new, organized lifestyle–and maintain it. It works and you can see the “Before and After” photos yourself here. 

What works best for you: resolutions, goals, a bucket list or something else? What motivates you?

NOTE: This post is an adapted excerpt from Marcia's book, Simplify Your Holiday Season.

Marcia Ramsland is well known as the "Organizing Pro,” a national speaker, and author of over 100,000 books sold in her Simplify Your Life series. Marcia personally coaches individuals and organizations to be highly productive in managing their time, space, and life. Hundreds of clients and audiences from New York to California agree with her belief that anyone can become more organized - even YOU! Contact her at http://www.OrganizingPro.com.

New Year Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of noppasinw at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.